COOKIE'S CORNER: CELEBRITY STAR FROGGERS*

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*Frogger: \ˈfrȯgger, ˈfrägger\ Function: noun Etymology: Middle English frogge, from Old English frogga; akin to Old High German frosk frog; unclearly derived MTM term derived as substitute for the foul four letter word that sounds like ‘duck’ but with a different initial consonant.

MANNYWOOD, CA – The Matts requested that I get out to the Left Coast and bring back some rays of light for this site. While I am feeling pretty good about the first place Yankees, the Mets fans I’ve come to know and love here are in need of some kind of bright spot – some glimmer and shimmer, if you will. What Mets and fans of other struggling teams need is some distraction from their team’s woes and/or the white heat temperatures.

With the news aflutter recently with Couples’ News, you couldn’t avoid the story of that chick who was a NJ Nets dancer, got engaged to a former NJ Nets player and was stood up at the altar. The most INSANE thing about the story (aside from the fact that the Nets are still an NBA team) is that she is being compensated by the player for all the years that she ‘gave up her life‘ by traveling with him in the lap of luxury. Gee, that worked out well for her, the little Star Frogger.

And that got me thinking: Among all the famous couples with a hollywood/music/model icon and a sports personality, – despite either’s scope of celebrity – one is ALWAYS the Star Frogger. So today, we’ll take a look at some noted celebrity couples and reveal who among them is the… Star Frogger:

  • Derek Jeter and Mariah Carey, Miss Universe, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minillo, Adrianna Lima (of Victoria’s Secret fame), Minka Kelly: Jeter dated Mariah early in his career. He was a stud early on. The 1996 ‘Rookie of the Year’ also started his World Series bling collection that year. Despite all this, I think he was taken by Mariah’s huge, ahem, celebrity. At this phase, we’ll call him the Frogger. From then onward, no way. For Derek, as far as the future and Viagra can see, it’s easy.
    STAR FROGGER: Anyone not Derek Jeter.
  • Eva Longoria and Tony Parker: Eva is more of a star than Tony Parker. (I had to look up who he played for. The answer is the San Antonio Spurs.) Tony Parker is French.. he is actually a frog, and we call it that way.
    STAR FROGGER: Tony Parker
  • Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett: Kendra is one Playmate in Hugh Hefner’s never ending string of trifecta blondes. Kendra reached celeb status with her part in the show The Girls Next Store, a reality show following Kendra and the two other blonds who shared Hef’s bed (shudder). Kendra wanted kids, so she defected from the Playboy Mansion to the safe haven of Philadelphia Eagle Wide Receiver, Hank Baskett. She received pretty quickly, too: The two are expecting a little Pulling Guard in November.
    STAR FROGGER: For obvious reasons, Kendra.
  • Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Recently they’ve gone splitsville, as“…she is too clingy.” Many Cowboy fans may be rejoicing as they decided to peg her as “a curse” (aka – the season’s newest excuse for not going to the Super Bowl). Romo seemed very pleased about the GPs (Guy Points) he got for bagging Jessica. Jessica, however, seemed to really like her football man.
    STAR FROGGER: TIE
  • Tawny Kitaen and Chuck Finley: Sure, I don’t need to remind you about the most famous Jaguar hood ornament in history, do I?!?
    Following her conquest of Whitesnake rocker David Coverdale, Tawny set her sights on an athlete, pitcher Chuck Finley. The two married and spawned little major league Tantrum Pitchers: Pitching skills from dad, Tantrum skills clearly from mom. Tawny’s temper couldn’t be tamed and she walloped Chuckie in the face, resulting in his filing assault charges. While she’s been linked romantically to others including the late Robbin Crosby (RATT guitarist), Tommy Lee, O.J. Simpson, Jerry Seinfeld, and Jon Stewart (Wiki say what??), I’d still have to give Kitaen the upper hand here if she bagged all these dudes in her hey day.
    STAR FROGGER: Tawny’s boy toys.
  • Madonna and A-Rod: Madge likes her guys younger, but not necessarily famous. Not too many people are more famous than she (except Michael Jackson, who is now dead, so he doesn’t count). She also cares not if her guys are bodyguards, backup dancers, models, or third basemen. Madonna’s most recent conquest (aka future husband) is a model who is just 22. A-Rod was just something to make her feel good.
    STAR FROGGER: A-Rod
  • Kate Hudson and A-Rod: A new couple that is hot and heavy. A-Rod is in full woo mode, having just dropped some nice coin on an 18-k Cartier Roadster watch for Kate. (Something akin to say, one of us baseball fans buying the other 1/2 a beer at a NY ballpark.) Kate has ducked into bars to catch her man playing and has been seen at Yankee Stadium cheering loudly for A-Rod. Kate’s got a nasty habit of falling hard and fast for her men and introduces them to her son, Ryder fairly quickly. She’s young, overzealous and bounces around celebrities like a ticks on a dog.
    STAR FROGGER: Kate Hudson
  • Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson: Lance has won the Tour de France seven times. And while it looks like #8 will elude him, he’s still pretty high on himself. Clearly Kate was just a fast notch in his belt. If she had any idea what was going on, for the reasons stated above, the call might have been different.
    STAR FROGGER: Lance Armstrong
  • Lance Armstrong and Cheryl Crow: Cheryl and Lance hooked up during high (there’s that word again) points in both their careers. The difference here is that Lance already had a few kids and Cheryl’s biological clock was ticking so loud she was having trouble hearing her band during her concerts. I give Cheryl a “Go Girl!” for adopting her son on her own – in the absence of a relationship – but she was clearly with him for a reason.
    STAR FROGGER: Cheryl Crow.
  • NOTE: I’d also like to point out the three degrees of separation between Madonna, A-Rod, Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson. If you keep in mind they’ve all been intimate with each other… ew. Not surprising though. I could totally see Madonna and Kate Hudson making out while Lance and A-Rod would be too busy loving themselves to notice.

    And finally, the ultimate sports/celebrity couple:

  • Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio: Marilyn is, undisputedly, the biggest sex symbol of all time. Joe DiMaggio, was the ultimate Yankee and one of, if not the most beloved of baseball legends. We can say that Marilyn was a bit of a Star Frogger, having been linked to Arthur Miller, JFK and DiMaggio. But you could also explain that away with her need to be loved. Joltin’ Joe, meanwhile, could be accused of star frogging, too. Really, what bigger bragging rights can you get than saying you bagged Marilyn Monroe? (Although, whenever asked about his marriage to Monroe, DiMaggio never disclosed details, regardless of who asked or what was thrown at him. Some say he was just an old-school gentleman, others point to how unbelievably in love he was with Marilyn.) This one… I’ll just leave to you guys to call.
  • Changing gears, I’d be remiss if I didn’t try to tie in something historic which occurred yesterday. For just the 17th time in history, a perfect game was thrown by Chicago White Sox’s Mark Buehrle. Congrats Mark. If that doesn’t get you hoards of Star Froggers knocking at your door, nothing will.

    Finally, dishonorable mentions to David Justice and ESPN. Really.. who the hell belts Halle Barry?!? And ESPN with this nude Erin Andrews video scandal? C’mon. Clearly someone knew her schedule in order to get said videos in her various hotel rooms. Hmm… Smells Froggy to me.

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    Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.

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