A CABLE SNAPS; NFL HEAD COACH BREAKS JAW

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OAKLAND, CA – There’s not a whole lot that gets our attention in these parts, what with the Athletics, Warriors and Raiders stinking up their respective venues. Other than an Al Davis firing, a Billy Beane salary dump, or a Don Nelson 3-guard shuffle, it’s a black hole for sports. Meanwhile, Mike Singletary has the 49ers playing well and great pitching made the S.F. Giants relevant in hardball again. It doesn’t help that Downtown Oakland is like Borat’s hometown in Kazakhstan. In other words, Oakland is the Land Of The Lost in sports.

But hold the phone! There is a great sports story bubbling in Jerry Brown Country that has been buried under the avalanche of stories re Twin/Yankee Salary Disparity, Jerry’s Jumbo Tron, the Minnesota Packers and Manny’s Juice Fizzle:

    “COACH CABLE SNAPS AND BREAKS ASSISTANT’S JAW!”

How cool is that? According to Longtime Bay Area sports writer Nancy Gay, Raider Head Coach Tom Cable went bonkers on Defensive Assistant Randy Hanson. Here’s her account:

In an Aug. 5 meeting of defensive coaches and assistants at the Napa Valley Marriott, Coach Cable reportedly informed Hanson that he was being demoted to doing exclusively film room work. “(Raiders defensive coordinator) John Marshall says he has talked to you about this,” Cable allegedly told Hanson. Hanson allegedly turned to Marshall and insisted he had been told no such thing. And then Hanson allegedly got his clock cleaned as he was body slammed into a wall, thrown into a table, and had his jaws and teeth smashed as Cable rammed his face into the wall while threatening, “I’m going to kill you!”

Whoa… Mellow out, Dude. This didn’t happen in August by the Lincoln Tunnel. It happened in Napa – wine country – for Oregon Pete’s sake! Was it one too many Cable Guy teasings? Too much Jamarcus Russell? Regardless, or irregardless if your one of the costumed loser members of Raider Nation – you can’t go around smashing coach’s faces into tables, Cable Guy! … Unless you’re winning!

We are chomping/champing at/on the bit for more info but so far, Coach Cable Snap and The Hanson Delegation have said next to nothing. In fact, most of the players had no clue anything like this happened.

Boys will be boys, especially on abysmal teams owned by out-of-touch megalomaniacs that haven’t been right about anything football related since Howie Long retired. At least the Raiderettes are still hot. Anyway, for a team whose motto is “JUST WIN BABY,” we think we have the perfect candidate for their next Head Coach – check this out:

That’s all for today, please, please, please tell some people about MTM and check in tomorrow for Rex O’Rourke’s ramblings and shot at 14-1 with his football picks.

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