USA, YESTERYEAR – Larry King here, pinch hitting for Grote today…Watching Jay-Z hugging cutey pie Kate Hudson during the Yanks game 1 playoff game victory over the Twinkies reminds me why I love this melting pot we call America; a white woman sitting with a black guy rooting for her Hispanic boyfriend, all of which was taboo back in the day in Brooklyn… Those black and blue umpires would be better off if the Yanks used a pitch back behind the plate instead of Jorge Posada…
These Depends Adult Diapers save me 4 trips to the bathroom a night and talk about comfortable! Yet, I digress… Don’t count out Jerry Manuel, Met fans, he has the wisdom of Winston Churchill in the body of Fred Sanford… Speaking of the Mets this good looking kid Jeff Wilpon is going to take them places, he reminds me of young Connie Mack… CitiField has me reminiscing about Ebbets Field where me and my buddies Sal and Mel, along with assorted drunken Irishmen, would look up Shiksas’ dresses from under the bleachers… Never thought I’d see the day where I could get a bagel and lox at a ballpark, still CitiField’s lox have nothing on Barney Greengrass, the Sturgeon King on 87th and Amsterdam where I get it with a Dr. Brown’s Celery Soda…
I have it on good authority, from my buddy Time Warp Tony, that Derek Jeter is going to marry Mariah Carey after the baseball season wraps up…That Jeter is best mulatto ballplayer I’ve ever seen… Let me tell you folks I’m not dying until I see the Cubs win a World Series…My old friend Joe Torre says being back in the playoffs is like a month long dose of Viagra… Why does Manny Ramirez have a filthy mop hanging out of his batting helmet?… I don’t care how many HR’s Hideki Matsui hits, I’ll never forgive his people for Pearl Harbor…I must admit Godzilla’s cartoon bride is quite fetching, I’d like to take my three hole puncher to her…
Rex Ryan and his Jets are a class act… Springsteen without Giants Stadium is going to be like George Burns without Gracie Allen, I’ll still love him but I’ll miss the old gal… That’s all for now kids be sure to keep up with me on my new twitter account and remember to tip the ushers at the game, they have no pension to fall back on like these fat cat Wall Streeters do…
