NO FANTASY: TRENT EDWARDS GETS YOU FIRED

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ORCHARD PARK, NY – It’s cold outside but it could be colder in your office, especially at Fidelity Investments if you have anything whatsoever to do with the likes of one, Trent Edwards; the beleaguered Buffalo Bills Quarterback. Poor T-Ed had it pretty bad already; getting lectures from Terrell Owens, dealing with The Queen City weather and scrambling for his life behind a Swiss-cheese offensive line.

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Now, however, he has the added burden of being poor slob Cameron Pettigrew’s worst nightmare in a recession-challenged job market. You see, Trent Edwards Got Cam Canned.

According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Fidelity fired Pettigrew for partaking in a Fantasy Football League. The Camster was a relationship manager in a private client group and had this to say:

“Firing a guy for being in a $20 fantasy league? Let’s be honest, that’s a complete overreaction. In this economic time, especially. To fire people over something like this, it’s just cold.”

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Did Pettigrew get Buffaloed? Was this just a corporate snow job??

Fidelity spokesman Vinny “The Turk” Loporchio countered:

“We have clear policies that relate to gambling. Participation in any form of gambling through the use of Fidelity time or equipment or any other company resource is prohibited. We want our employees to be focused on our customers and clients.”

Humph. We can argue this one both ways. We own shares in a Fidelity Focus Fund and think that rotisserie and fantasy leagues taint watching games because people cheer for teams/players they’d normally like to see die in a tragic blimp accident. Further, we’re not crazy about our money handlers being distracted by Chad Ochocinco’s TD totals. However, they could have given the guy a warning, what with the economy and all.

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    Trent Edwards ponders his pink wristbands.

So how does Trent Edwards figure in all this? Here’s how: In his defence (Canadian spelling for Angry Ward) Pettigrew maintained that he never sent any fantasy football emails at work but investigators found two instant messages with fantasy related info about… Mr. Trent Edwards.

“One of my buddies sent me something about how bad Trent Edwards was playing or something like that. So they called me in and talked to me for about 90 minutes on everything I ever knew about fantasy football.”

Frankly, Edwards has been awful but any QB would be in those messages if they were getting knocked silly from the blind side in Orchard Park. Even Peyton Manning would look bad on that team. And don’t think for second that Trent Edwards isn’t upset about this. In fact, the poor bastard can’t even think straight.

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CONCLUSION: The Man likely axed Cameron Pettigrew prematurely but Cam-Pet was guilty of pushing the envelope in a time when financial companies are under the gun. That said, can somebody out there please hire Mr. Pettigrew – for Trent Edward’s sake? As for fantasies, stick to something like the one we had today:

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Sailors and Buffalo Jills… Hello, Frisco! Get some hot wings!

Angry Ward is up tomorrow and you can order delicious, homemade cookies from our Master Baker Cookie, here:
Cookie’s Cookies. No joke.

*We had erroneously pegged Cookie’s Corner for tomorrow. Sorry, Cookie.

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  • Oregon Pete

    Like your fantasy, guys… ESPN did a piece on this too. Your take is better – as usual. Nice win for the Giants….

  • PhillyPhanatic

    I can’t believe you are talking football on a day when there is a story out that the Mets are considering signing Pedro. It’s 1999 in Omar’s head.

  • Jersey Girl

    Trent Edwards is CUTE! I don’t want people playing fantasy sports at work either. All they do is talk about it at work.

  • Yankee Joe

    The Bills play like Jills. A real football team showed up in DC last night made the Redskins look yellow! Maybe me Jersey Girl and Cookie baby can get together for the next game and make some little cookies.

  • http://www.MeetTheMatts.com The Matts

    Jersey Girl: Yankee Joe is our somewhat warped Welcoming Committee. Please accept his advances/comments as complimentary.
    Cookie: Today is Thursday! Okay, maybe we don’t know if we’re coming or going these days but let’s keep our conflicts in the clubhouse! Loose lips sink ships!
    Yankee Joe: Leave the Bills alone and effect some Holiday Spirit by simply rejoicing in the New York Football Giants keeping another of our fantasies alive… And no, it does not involve Tiki Barber and some shaving cream.
    PhillyPhanatic: You loved Pedro. You voted for Pedro!

  • Sams A Fan

    I’m confused, what day is it? Matts, you wouldn’t put Cookie in the unenviable position of replacing Angry Ward, would you? Although she’s probably one of the few out there who could do it with some grace and class.

  • Different Matt

    Fare thee well, Melky.

    Welcome back, Javi.

  • Different Matt

    I’m with you all the way on that one, Cookie.

  • http://www.MeetTheMatts.com The Matts

    HEY!!! We’re talking FOOTBALL here!!! Boo-hoo, Melky… Big deal, Javi… STAY FOCUSED!!!

  • buffalobilly84

    It’s bad enough that my Bills finally get some play here and they get bashed, but then to have two of the MtM all-stars take away from it by bringing up minor annoyances for their champion team is just over the line. Can we get a break from that stuff? Trent Edwards deserves better.

  • Sams A Fan

    21 catches, an NFL record, and even Terrell Owens giving it up for Cookie’s guy. Quite a feat!

  • Finns

    What would OJ say?

  • Hayseed

    Could be worse, could find he was texting about J.P Losman (remember him?) And his UFL stats,
    here they are by the way:

    http://www.ufl-football.com/players/profile/211

    Then we would have a story and a very sad, sad situation of a man.
    Go Las Vegas Loco’s!!

  • vinny from brooklyn

    if trent edwards was on the jets this year they would have 9 wins already. i love mark sanchez – but two years from now. Not today.

  • Junior Blaber

    Hell yeah Vin. The Jest should have gotten an old guy to play the 3rd QB spot and hold the kids hand.

    What I don’t get is isn’t investing gambling with other peoples money?

  • PhillyPhanatic

    The Apocalypse is upon us…If the Giants, Eagles, Packers and Cowboys(all solid favorites) win this week, The Giants will NEED the Eagles to beat the Cowboys to get into the playoffs and the Eagles will NEED the Giants to beat the Vikings for a first round bye…this is different than Mets fans picking the lesser of two evils…A win by a rival is needed for personal benefit.

  • PhillyPhanatic

    I know it’s frowned upon to double post, but you can’t make this stuff up:
    AP: The New York Mets are nearing agreement on a contract with knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.
    He is a headline writers dream signing -
    Dickey’s BALLS knuckle under pressure of pennant race.
    Reminds me of one of the great SNL skits:

  • Junior Blaber

    Dman Phils fans and their double post. You bums, all I saked was you guys beat the yanks and you could even do that for a mets fan. I should send an im messge about Trent Edwards to your job.

  • Sams A Fan

    Perhaps the greatest thing about that skit is that they were all able to keep straight faces.

  • Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson

    Philadelphia is the birthplace of your Democracy. Pity those founders that now would witness genitalia perspiration humor and a waifish, feminine and pornographic excuse of a man posing as your Prince. You’ve done well, America.

  • Junior Blaber

    C-Pe must have been shagging the bosses daughter or something cause this is more than fantasy football. I would hope.

  • Dr. Diz

    Cookie, your basball jones is one of the worse cases I have seen in my years of practice..I prescribe herbal inhalation everyafternoon, followed by cookies…lots of em, than a nice meal with a bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir. This treatment will also stop the delusion that the Giants are going anywhere this year, and the depressive symptoms that come from seeing “the man of whom we cannot speak but who built a big ol stadium” with his impish and satanic smile on the sidelines and in his sky booth.

    Back to football; good game tonight the no Cokes of BYU take on some Beaver from Oregon State, two top 20 programs. I say the no cokes use their bottled up mo-mo furstration to beat on some beav…no cokes by 7.

  • All Blacks Rule

    A lot of your stars come down here during your winter because it’s our summer. If that Trent Edwards comes near me, I’ll be sure to kick him right in the juleps.

  • Angry Ward

    Man did I miss this. Sorry but my computer has been behaving like a speak and spell on low 9-volt power. Great stuff today and a stellar outing from WCC yesterday. Could very well be the post of the year. The Conte and Dane Cook lines alone killed me.

  • jgclancy

    From cnn.com:
    A New Hampshire jury on Monday found a Nashua woman guilty of second-degree murder for running over a man who had heckled her for being a New York Yankees fan.

    I’d like to think this isn’t a typical NY Yankees fan but……I’m just saying.

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