ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: 50 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PLAYOFFS

January 20, 2010 Angry Ward Angry Ward 41

NEW YORK, NY – “The NFL’s inside your head,” she said to me. The postseason’s easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you with your struggle just to see. There must be 50 Ways To Leave The Playoffs.

She said pro football is really not my thing
Furthermore, I do not care who wins a stupid ring
But I’ll repeat myself, and hope this doesn’t sting
There must be, 50 Ways to leave the playoffs
50 Ways to leave the playoffs…

    Just give the ball back Pack

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    Hand Dallas the lead, Reid
    You don’t need to be great, Nate
    Just miss a few kicks

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    Play a little flat, Pats
    It’s okay to be doormats
    Let the Jets run, son
    And soon you’ll be done

    Ooo, kick like a Jane, Shane
    Fall on your backo, Flacco
    You don’t need to get hurt, Kurt
    Just take a quick knee

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    Fumble the ball, Tony
    It’s better than paying Simpson alimony

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    Act like dolts, Bolts
    And you won’t play the Colts

    She said why don’t we just sleep on it tonight
    And in the morning you’ll see which teams really, really bite
    It doesn’t matter that Mike Francesa’s never right
    There must be, 50 ways to leave the playoffs
    50 ways to leave the playoffs…

    Give Bush some yards, Cards
    Drop another toss, Moss
    You don’t need to be sad, Chad
    Just Twitter with glee

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    Have a Gatorade, Wade
    While your Boys get waylaid

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    Just let it be, LT
    And prepare to be free (agent that is)

    Look really silly, Philly
    Keep being chintzy, Cincy
    You don’t need to be merry, Jerry
    Just go back to Big D
    Don’t worry about a paradey, Brady
    Have fun with your lady

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    Just talk a little smack, Pack
    You ain’t coming back

See you all next week for a few bars of “Me and Julio Franco Down by the Schoolyard.”

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About Angry Ward 743 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.