Moose Jaw “Bravest” earning the name.
MOOSE JAW, CANADA – We’re up here, in the land of Moose Javians (look it up) and moose – not meese or mooses – preparing for the latest big NHL news and news of Robbie Alomar’s Hall Of Fame fate.
Jacques Demers, current SÃ©nateur after being appointed in August, becomes the Prime Minister of Canada and closes all Canadian borders until the NHL brings hockey back to Quebec and Winnipeg. Seems Jacques misread Canada’s By-Laws – basically because he’s illiterate – literally. Click this to READ up on this irony-soaked story.
Mark Sanchez convinces Rex Ryan to go on Nutri-System. The always-overdoing it Ryan goes bonkers, using HGH and Steroids and quits as coach to pursue a career in body-building. Sanchez goes on to win League MVP two weeks before Flexy Rexy is nailed in a prostitution scandal.
The NY Islanders move to Moose Jaw. In an extreme counter-measure to the dopey decision to force-feed The Coolest Game On Earth upon warm-weather towns (and to placate Demers), the NHL ships the Nashville Predators to Kamloops, Saskatchewan to keep the newly-relocated Isles company. The teams are renamed, the Icelanders and Loopers, respectively. Steve Somers sues the NHL for trademark infringement.
Finally, the rain stops falling on the NY Mets as they become the Alex Rodriguezes of 2010, making big plays and winning under pressure – culminating in a World Series triumph behind the MVP pitching of Kelvim Escobar, nephew of Pablo Escobar. Jason Bay hits 46 homers in 2010 – 29 at CitiField – to propel the Mets to the Series.
Happy New Year. Rex O’Rourke tomorrow.
Filed in: The Matts