WHO WILL WIN IN TWENTY TIN???

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Moose Jaw “Bravest” earning the name.

MOOSE JAW, CANADA – We’re up here, in the land of Moose Javians (look it up) and moose – not meese or mooses – preparing for the latest big NHL news and news of Robbie Alomar’s Hall Of Fame fate.

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Jacques Demers, current Sénateur after being appointed in August, becomes the Prime Minister of Canada and closes all Canadian borders until the NHL brings hockey back to Quebec and Winnipeg. Seems Jacques misread Canada’s By-Laws – basically because he’s illiterate – literally. Click this to READ up on this irony-soaked story.

jet-logo.jpgMark Sanchez convinces Rex Ryan to go on Nutri-System. The always-overdoing it Ryan goes bonkers, using HGH and Steroids and quits as coach to pursue a career in body-building. Sanchez goes on to win League MVP two weeks before Flexy Rexy is nailed in a prostitution scandal.

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The NY Islanders move to Moose Jaw. In an extreme counter-measure to the dopey decision to force-feed The Coolest Game On Earth upon warm-weather towns (and to placate Demers), the NHL ships the Nashville Predators to Kamloops, Saskatchewan to keep the newly-relocated Isles company. The teams are renamed, the Icelanders and Loopers, respectively. Steve Somers sues the NHL for trademark infringement.

  • The Washington Wizards go retro after their locker-room morphed into the O.K. Corral, renaming themselves the Washington Bullets. Javaris “Clanton” Crittenton and Gilbert “Wyatt Earp” Arenas.

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  • The Philadelphia Eagles lose in the Super Bowl to Peyton Manning and the Colts. Donovan McNabb throws up in the 4th quarter after eating some tainted Chunky Soup that the Philly Phanatic meant for Manning to eat.
  • Brandon Marshall and Terrell Owens become Oakland Raiders. The Raiders also announce that Al Davis is frozen, and has been for 6 years but for the odd press conference.
  • Chris Drury wins a contract extension from Glen “Drunken Sailor” Sather after getting ONE ASSIST for Team USA at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Dreary Drury’s assist came when he helped an old lady cross the street on her way to the Curling matches.

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  • Tiger Woods announces that he is a Born Again Fundamentalist, causing more grief for groups that don’t allow his kind of Woods in their neck of the woods.
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    Finally, the rain stops falling on the NY Mets as they become the Alex Rodriguezes of 2010, making big plays and winning under pressure – culminating in a World Series triumph behind the MVP pitching of Kelvim Escobar, nephew of Pablo Escobar. Jason Bay hits 46 homers in 2010 – 29 at CitiField – to propel the Mets to the Series.

    Happy New Year. Rex O’Rourke tomorrow.

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    • buffalobilly84

      Cookie, T-O is the best thing to hit Buffalo since Doug Flutie. We actually have something for the radio callers to talk about that isn’t completely lame.
      Matts – the Demers link is funny and tragic. He gets to be a Senator and not in Ottawa – without being able to read. Only in Canada and only in the NHL.

    • Time Warp Tony

      I’m not the best with time but it sure seems like you guys were late today.

    • miguel1082

      the mets winning makes me laugh. no way, matts. and the eagles will prove you stupid new yorkers wrong just like the phillies. they will win the super bowl.

    • http://www.MeetTheMatts.com The Matts

      Time Warp Tony is correct, we were tres tardy this morning after our alarm clocks froze up here in Moose Jaw. Apologies to all… Please revisit the article as we’ve changed/added some stuff.
      Cookie & buffalobilly84: You know T.O. and Brandon will end up on a reality show together – at the very least.
      miguel1082: Where is the Brotherly Love?! We gave you a Super Bowl birth, what’s so bad about that?!

    • vinny from brooklyn

      damn it! you guys have me pumped up about the jets and mets and laughing about flexy rexy. i have a problem, i know. but what the hell!

    • jgclancy

      In 2005 the Canadiens picked the Top Ten Canadians of all time and one of them wasn’t Canadian! The moral of the story is never be amazed at anything odd that happens in The Great White North.

      P.S.–The Vikings will be losing in the Super Bowl..not Philly.

    • RickyPinetar

      Clancy, who was the non-Canadian? You can’t just leave us hanging like that… Matts, Chris Drury bit is 100% accurate.

    • Sams A Fan

      How stupid is Miguel? He thinks that the Phillies won a Superbowl! But the Matts are extremely prescient, if the Iggles should make it to Superbowl XLIV Donovan will not only lose his lunch, but I’m sure there will be bladder control issues too. That will give Michael Vick the opportunity to win a Superbowl for “The very deserving” McNabb as Vick claimed his motivation to be.

    • jgclancy

      I’ve you a hint : He was originally Scottish and eventually a naturalised US citizen ( never Canadian or Canadien ) and invented something we all use.
      The first correct caller gets a chia pet !

    • Jersey Girl

      He invented the hockey stick! I am cold from just looking at that poor fireman…

    • Nick C

      Sam, you always come up with best zingers… Miguel, the Eagles have as much a chance at winning as Rex Ryan has at losing 5 lbs… ZERO…
      Alexander Graham Bell was the Canuck in question…

    • janet

      i predict that angry ward gets his own talk show to go against dr phil

    • jgclancy

      Well done Nick C…….on both the asnswer and the Miguel retort.
      Go Vikings!!!

    • Dr. Diz

      Buffalo Billy,

      I still can’t forgive Wade for not starting Flutie…why go with a winner when you have a guy who LOOKS a lot better, Rob Johnson (but couldn’t even win at USC). What a fat putz.

      Jason Bay prediction: .285, 34 HR, 110 RBI’s, Metsie’s win the division with him providing the spark.

      Anybody up there following the story on the “pirate”, Mike Leach, who just got fired from Texas Tech one month after signing a huge contract?

    • jgclancy

      Leach should have been fired but I’m also thinking Craig James was a giant pain in the arse. No winners in this fiasco. Wonder what kind of job Adam James will get through his dad after his college football career ends?

      I still remember the starting of Johnson over Flutie and wondered then how someone could make such a bad choice. It was just plain stupid.

      I put my money on TCU but not sure if they’ll cover the 7 points!

    • Grote2Dmax

      I’d just like to know how Jersey Girl uses a hockey stick. When does Nick C get his Chia pet?

    • jgclancy

      Alas..he didn’t follow the rules of being the first correct “caller” (hint hint for the answer being Bell) and was disqualified.
      Technically, his real name is only Alexander Bell. The Graham was not part of his birth name.
      But if he really wants one I’ll send him a Scooby Doo chia pet if I can find it :) :) :) :) :) :)

    • Dr. Diz

      TCU will cover; they’ll win by at least two TD’s.

      Wonder where LEach will end up. Syracuse sure could use him, and people back East wouldn’t mind his off the cuff remarks as much. Be kind of nice to see him lighting up the Carrier Dome with his run and gun.

    • jgclancy

      Last years TCU-Boise game was a 17-16 tight one. I think TCU has vastly improved since last season but they didn’t cover the three point spread at last years Poinsettia Bowl and Boise can move the ball. Should be a good game.
      Leach will end up somewhere for sure….they always do.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Dr. Diz the cream of the Big East programs have nothing to offer a top flight coach so why in the world would anyone want to take the Syracuse job? He’ll probably sit out a year and then will end up at a program in a top conference (Big 12, ACC, SEC or Pac-10) most likely one of the lower end teams but maybe even a top one like Michigan.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Pat Summerall should join Larry King and Dick Clark as the three amigos of senility. Why does FOX have college bowl games? They don’t have guys working college football all year and then end up using guys either past their prime (like Summerall) or guys not familiar with the college game (like Brian Billick). It is a disgrace.

    • jgclancy

      Cookie, we Viking fans don’t ever expect to win the big one (0-4) so we don’t set our goals too high anymore…just get there!!!
      I also have to say that when the Vikes beat teh Giants I have to root for Dallas to beat Philly and get us a bye week..we need it….immensely! Angry Ward hit the nail on the head when he said no shower will make us feel clean if we root for Dallas….sigh

      All of this is irrelevant since I have a new culinary goal in life. Apparently, there is a thing mainly made in Indiana (Iowa too) and a few surrounding states called a ” Breaded Pork Tenderloin Sandwich “. Guaranteed to plug the aorta. Gotta try to make one soon but have to find a deep fryer!
      http://web.mac.com/davydd/Site/BPT_Tutorial.html

    • Grote2Dmax

      There is no need to bread a pork tenderloin. Cook the full bad boy on a grill for about 18 mins after marinating in Stubbs or Soy Vay (veri veri teriyaki) for 6 hours. Let sit for 7 minutes then slice and enjoy.

    • jgclancy

      Nyet Grote…..while that may taste yummy my friend from Indiana says there’s nothing like this sandwich. He even said that pan frying it in oil doesn’t cut it. It must be pounded thin, marinated for 24 hours then breaded and deep fried. Place on roll with mayo..etc and then feel the blood thicken.
      I am intrigued at what it will taste like. There are people that have websites devoted to finding restaurants that make a good one. Usually they use a 1-5 pig rating!

    • jgclancy

      P.S.–To keep in sports mode and talking of swine…Arkansas better get it’s act together in the 2nd half

    • Angry Ward

      This is already my choice for best Saturday post of 2010. Janet, if I ever have a show running against Dr. Phil it will pretty much be 35 minutes of me screaming at Mets front office personnel followed by 10 minutes of Grotes gripes, 10 minutes of gossip with Cookie and, finally, a 5 minute cooking corner with Clancy.

      By the way, FOX covering college football is indeed ridiculous. It’s like PBS broadcasting Sabado Gigante.

    • Sams A Fan

      Cookie, what’s a window licker? And Grote, I was afraid for a minute that Soy Vay was going to end up being a part of Kate Hudson’s southern anatomy after she has gone vegan.

    • jgclancy

      My first meal will have to be that ” Breaded Pork Tenderloin Sandwich” which I could explain and cook in five minutes! Of course, it would be our last show after the arteries start exploding which would make quite an ending to the show :)
      Please say it has a jazz music theme intro…please
      Speaking of the swine them Razorbacks came back and won in OT. Only one game left today….I really have to stop watching all of the football games.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Sam – Kate can do anything she likes and I’m sure Clancy would have her on to demonstrate anything she like to do with Soy Vay during his 5 minute segment on the AW show.

    • jgclancy

      Kate can come help me pound my pork tenderloin anytime.
      I’m glad the window lickers don’t understand double entendre.
      AW wants our first guest to be Sofia Vergara though..well, that’s an assumption but a good one.
      Can Texas Tech defeat a depleted Mich. State team…it’s a close one!

    • http://joejonas butch gorings nostrils

      This is one frigging funny story!

    • Junior Blaber

      Oddly enough I actually have a friend that works in Camloops.

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