2010 BASEBALL DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES…

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by Dr. Diz

FORT WORTH, TEXAS – A little golf… Skiing out in New Mexico… This next weekend at Angel Fire… Some good long rides with my local bike club. Ahh, February in Tejas. Life is good.

Spectator sport-wise however, it’s another story. NBA; goin’ through the motions. College hoops; March Madness is a month away. Horsies; prep races don’t start for a few weeks either. NHL; still waiting to get their kidnapped players back.

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Pitchers and catchers have reported, however. So MeetTheMatts has the pleasure… the honor….of bringing you Doctor Diz’s Bold Predictions For Baseball 2010. Just remember, ya heard it here first.

April 2, 2010 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Pirates announce new leader.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have announced that Yuseff Mohammed Said Inda’ade has been named coach of the team for the upcoming season

Inda’ade, who most recently served as skipper of the Somali Pirates, takes over a team that has not had a winning season in 15 years. Team sources noted ‘he was able to do a lot with a little” over in Somali and “he’s a heck of a motivator”. They also noted “he put some real pop in the offense for the Pirates over there…they just exploded”

When asked of the prospects for the club this year, the new skip stated “we need Dotel to do his job in the closer role, God willing”.

May 5, 2010 Baltimore, Maryland.

Orioles move to Indianapolis.

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In a move eerily reminiscent of the NFL Colts, team owner Peter Angelos packed up the front office and moved in the middle of the night during the teams extended California road trip. When they return, they will be the Indianapolis Orioles. “I just couldn’t pass up the offer”. Angelos was quoted as saying. Further, he indicated that “Indianapolis gave us a new ballpark, naming rights to the airport, our own state lottery game, and even carved out a piece of downtown for me to set up my own royal duchy”. Angelos pooh-poohed the move, saying “Hey, this franchise used to be the St. Louis Browns. I didn’t hear anybody crying when Baltimore took em’ back in the 50’s”. Observers have noted that under Angelos the Orioles are indeed playing like the Browns of old.

August 11, 2010 Arlington, Texas.

Nolan Ryan whups Yankee fan.

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Responding to taunting during their game, Ranger GM Nolan Ryan challenged a fan to “take it outside”. The fan, known by the moniker Yankee Joe, has been obsessively following the Bronx Bombers all summer long along with his trusty sidekick, a mysterious woman known only as Cookie“. Texas Rangers lawmen were called to the scene but declined to press charges. Ranger Deputy Joe Billy-Bob Briggs said, “aw, that Yankee Joe feller was just a big ol’ fat pussy”

September 5, 2010, Chicago, Illinois.

White Sox announce Ozziefest.
Promoting Ozzie Guillen, the beloved and whimsical manager that brought them their first World Series victory since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson; the White Sox have announced Ozziefest.

The first 10,000 fans will get a free White Sox club house inflatable doll with a surprised look on her face. In addition, fans will be eligible to enter a guess as to how many times Ozzie drops the f-bomb in TV interviews during the month of September. The lucky winner gets to go f**k themselves.

October 29, 2010, New York, New York.

Miracle Mets win series,
Jeff Wilpon named Baseball Executive of the Year.

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zzzzzzzzzzz…..Whoa, Nellie!…. Just woke up… Strange friggin’ dream…

Angry Ward
, tomorrow.

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About the Author ()

Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.

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