By Rex O’Rourke

Vancouver, British Columbia – I like the Olympics; particularly the Winter Games, since they occur in the sports dead zone between football and baseball and before playoff hockey, hoop, and March Madness. But for sheer fanaticism you can’t touch my sister. For starters, she raises and lowers a USA Olympic flag each and every day of both the Summer and Winter Games while humming the Olympic theme. The humming actually sounds like a trumpet blaring. I’m not kidding. You can’t make this stuff up! She had a torch that she lit every day but it went kurblooey so now she just lights a candle. I told her I’d go to the all-nite torch store and get her another one but it seems one doesn’t exist.

My sister is a normal, sane, successful, lovely woman, but in even numbered years she spends two weeks in front of the tube, rooting, cheering, kvetching, crying and dining on foods from around the globe to honor as many countries as possible. You know those up close and personal pieces they do on the athletes? They were made for my sister. They reduce her to tears. Grab the Kleenex.

She spearheads pools to keep it more interesting, and forces otherwise disinterested family members to do research and choose the countries that will win medals IN EVERY FREAKIN’ EVENT! I bet you didn’t know that Slovenia, Croatia, and Poland are contenders for the Ladies 15K Cross Country Pursuit! By the way, is it me or does skiing uphill seem kinda dumb?

Anyway, as insane as she is about the actual competition, she is even nuttier about the opening ceremonies. Remember that scene in Airplane when Ted Stryker is boring a passenger to the point of suicide? I felt like dousing myself in gasoline when Sarah McLachlan and K.D. Lang crooned me into submission. And regarding the music, Rush has sold 75 gazillion flippin’ records so why don’t they get the nod; what the Celine Dion is going on up there?


My poor brother-in-law was begging, I mean begging her to let him go to bed, and she wouldn’t let him out of the room until the torch was lighted. Then they had that torch mal-function followed by the The Great One going across town to light yet another torch. I thought my bro-in-law was going to blow a gasket. I mean, they only had six years to rehearse the blessed event! Meanwhile, I’m rolling on the floor in stitches.

So my sister will spend the next two weeks in DVR Heaven, pouring over the minutia of every event, waving her flags, cheering, and weeping. Good for you sis! We should be so passionate about something. Enjoy.

Until Next Week,

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  • RobertoGonzo

    I like Lindsey Vonn and the 1980 Olympics but you had to use the same pictures from the other day??? Come on buddy.

  • Vincent

    Your sis is a great American. I am not big on the Olympics but for some reason, Ohno got me into last night. So did the shots of Jack.

  • Jersey Girl

    LOL…. I actually thought KD Lang was a man. She needs a little makeup and a shopping do over.

  • jgclancy

    Sunday my poppy seeded rolls and coffee. MtM retirement has been good to me despite the checks being supposedly lost in the mail 😉
    I do have to toss out a few comments on Rex’s fine column today.
    1) Curling is great! You can cut the tension with..with….a beer.
    2) I’ve never understood any reason for cross country skiing except the biathlon since, well, they give you a gun.
    3) Rush…yes Canadien….but I’ll take The Guess Who over them any day.
    4) k. d. Lang—she’s man enough for her girlfriend.
    5) Your brother-in-law is a better man than I for his patience. Bless him.
    6) and finally…..Hey… knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!

  • Angry Ward

    Rex, I swear, I never touched your sister!

  • jgclancy

    I’m betting that not only has she baked that bread in the shape of the Olympic rings but used the appropriate food dyes to color them.

    Hmmm.wonder what kind of bread…?

  • Sams A Fan

    Uh…bagels! Duh! And Clancy, Chomp don’t want no help, Chomp don’t get no help, jive a$$ turkey something something something, sheeeeeeeet!

    Rex, while like Ward, I never went anywhere near your sister, I respect the heck out of her and you for writing such a paean to her. She is an unapologetic lover of sport that in some ways is still pure and good (if you just focus on the athletes within their competitions and ignore what the corporate culture has done to the games), and she seems to transcend jingoistic nationalism unlike whatever conglomerate happens to be broadcasting this year.

  • Cyclone

    How is curling athletic? Please tell me – it appears to be a game of strategy to me.

  • jgclancy

    Duh! is right…bagels, of course!….. but making five different colored bagels interlocked in the Olympic logo might be tricky.
    Bagels..another reason to thank the Poles…
    Cut me some slack, jack..momma didn’t raise no dummy! I can hang.

  • Dr. Diz

    Pretzles would seem easier…you can even put on some ol’ Steely Dan while baking them.

    jg, you got kd spot on…you know she started as a country singer, back in the late 80’s.

  • jgclancy

    She’s also one of them thar vegetarian activist types to….talk a-boot a woman who doesn’t eat meat!

  • Angry Ward

    I like Dr. Diz’s pretzel logic.

  • Dr. Diz

    John Shuster, curling captain for Team USA…what an athlete

    Stoppin’ by Tim Horton’s for some joe and little sugar donuts on the way to training, eh….

  • Angry Ward

    Going a bit off the path here, I saw a man wearing a fur coat today. Always good for a laugh. It takes a special man to wear a fur. Basically, if you’re night Walt Frazier, don’t even try it.

  • jgclancy

    Off the path a bit?…AW you’re on a round sled going down Ewen Park hill (very steep for non_bRonx folk) with a blindfold on!
    “Was he struttin’ around a coffee shop like Stein Erickson ?”

  • jgclancy

    P.S.–On another note…..we have won back the America’s Cup!!!

  • Sams A Fan

    I was once at the Metropolitan Museum and I saw weatherman Mr. G with his wife Mrs. G wearing matching floor length (maybe I’m exaggerating just a little bit) fur coats. Ugh! Other athletes could’ve also pulled it off in the 60s and 70s, but none better than Clyde, and Mr. and Mrs. G were doing this in the 80s.

    The America’s Cup, oh good.

  • Angry Ward

    Were Mr. & Mrs. G with Fred the Furrier and his wife?

  • Rex was so insulted by your comments re his sister that he refused to comment. Nice going, everybody.

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