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by Rex O’Rourke

Augusta, Ga – The Masters and Opening Day in the same week. Fred Astaire said it best:

“Heaven, I’m in Heaven”.

Now, I could bore you with a prediction on how The Yankees will return to the fall classic and The Mets will finish third (at best) but what really intrigues me is graphic, salacious, and indecent gossip about today’s celebrities, which of course means none other than everyone’s favorite playboy, Tiger Woods.

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    NOT QUITE “THE BRADY BUNCH”

Let’s get right to it: Tiger (the 4-1 favorite) will miss the cut at the Masters. There, I said it! Having not played a competitive round since last year, the serial fornicator and habitual cheapskate just can’t be ready for a fifth green jacket. I don’t care if you’re Superman in gabardine; you just don’t show up at Augusta, play two practice rounds, blow off the par three tourney (because you’re too cool) and then go out and win the darn thing! Not even “Eldrick the Erogenous” can do that.

Jim Furyk, Ernie Els, and Padraig Harrington have all played well this spring. Els, in particular, has benefited from Wood’s absence. All three will be on the leader board along with past champions Mike Weir, Zach Johnson, and Vijay Singh. Come Saturday new AARP member Fred Couples will still be making noise, as will Steve Stricker and Anthony Kim. Phil Mickelson hasn’t really gotten it going this year, but he’ll make the cut and finish about eight shots back of Furyk, who will beat Els in a playoff.

By Sunday, Mr. Woods will be in a Hooters somewhere not hitting on the waitress. Yeah, right!

West Coast Craig, tomorrow.
Until next week,
Rex

P.S. THE YANKEES WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES!

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    HAPPY EASTER!
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