BURNETTOLOGY AND A-RODS POKER FACE

15 Comments

Lavallette, NJ – Wednesday night the Yankees were all over the White Sox’s Gavin Floyd, torching the righty for ten runs in 2.1 innings. By the time the White Sox were batting in the third, the Bombers had 13 runs on the board. One would think that a 13 run lead would be safe. And usually that would be the case. But on Wednesday night, the Yanks had to deal with the AJ factor.

Masters of Burnettology will tell you that during any given game, AJ Burnett will give up more runs than his team has scored for him. The rate at which he gives up these runs depends mainly on how many runs his team has scored (the more runs the Yankees score, the more runs AJ gives up) and how early in the game his team scores those runs (the earlier the Yankees score, the sooner Burnett blows the lead). More or less, the formula usually works out to a blown lead by the end of the 6th inning.

Girardi is a master of Burnettology

Wednesday night was no different. The Yankees spotted Burnett a 13-1 lead and AJ conspired to give up six more runs before he could record the second out in the fifth inning. Thankfully for the Yankees, Joe Girardi is proficient in Bunrettology and usually knows when to take out the enigmatic righty. Girardi took Burnett out after 4.1 innings and before the Yankees were behind on the scoreboard. The end result being the Yankees won and AJ Burnett got a No-Decision in a game where his team scored 13 runs in the first three innings.

Another enigmatic Yankee, Alex Rodriguez, has been in the news lately. Word has it that A-Rod has been organizing, or at least taking part in coke-fueled, debaucherous high limit poker games with A-list celebrities. Nights filled with drugs, fisticuffs, shakedowns of those who cant pay their debts and A-Rod in the middle of all of it.  Now this is really only news because it involves Alex Rodriguez. And I must say that when you’re as big an asshole as A-rod is, the media isn’t going to sweep these stories under the carpet.

A-Rod will have his meeting with the Commish. He will get a stern talking-to, complete with wagging index finger. And he will escape any punishment. No one really cares about the poker.  We don’t need any more reasons to dislike Alex Rodriguez.

Its freakin Shark Week. Which brings many questions to mind. Do sharks know we dedicate a week to them every summer? Do sharks have a human week where they celebrate biting beach goers and surfers? Why doesn’t ESPN Classic show some of Greg Norman’s best wins during shark week? How many years in a row can the San Jose Sharks choke in the playoffs? Did The Manny really jump the shark? Some of these questions may never be answered.

I know that this column has jumped the shark because I’m past my word limit. I’m out of time for now. And I’m off to the beach to see if shark week keeps the hordes of city slickers away from New Jersey’s coastal waters.

A true shark, the Public Professor with a whale of a column tomorrow…

Share Button

Filed in: Different Matt
Tagged with:

About the Author ()

Different Matt is our cunning Cornell grad/rugby player. "Diff" joined us just after the switch from being "Mets only" to an all-sports stop. He's a Yankee fan; thus he was "different." Aside from the Yanks, he's a diehard NY Giants, NY Rangers and NY Knicks fan. He also likes long walks on the beach and cappuccinos and nearly died in Las Vegas.
  • Cookie

    The really terrible thing about this whole Burnettology is the fact that in the beginning of this season, it seemed we’d need a new AJ math.  It seemed.. AJ had gotten over his ‘Oh now.. I’m behind in the count, now I’ll just lose that batter and then next five runs’ mentality.   You saw it happen…. he’d lose a batter then reel it in.  Somewhere around mid-June.. he resumed usual AJ implosion.  So sad. Luckily Girardi has figured things out enough to mitigate the damage every so often.

    As for this A-Rod story… no one cares because everyone hates him so much.  True as this story may be.. there being ‘fisticuffs…and A-Rod in the middle of it all?’  No way.  He doesn’t want to get his hair messed up… much less his mug.

    Shark Week?  Feh. Someone please tell me what happened to that wonderful sea creature sci-fi/horror series that was on the SciFi channel starrring Eric Roberts.  There’s what we REALLY need to know.

    • Junior

      Good points Cookie. Ask a Mets fan though about inconsistent pitching!! Trade you Pelfry for Burnett anyday of the week.  I don’t understand why the world hates A-Rod so much? He is no more a less of a dirtbag than half the pro athletes in America let alone the world if we include Soccer players.

      • Anonymous

        Junior, it’s because he makes more money than all the other dirtbags combined. And then, of course, he used poor Kate Hudson (and her vagina) to break his postseason slump.

        • Junior

          Who used who?? Getting laid to break a slump is a well known tact in the pro baseball world. Besides you can never make someone do something the don’t want to. As the money, haters gonna hate!

        • Cookie

          Question:  Is that va-jay-jay still magic now that she’s dating a lesser known musician and spawned another offspring?  Hmmm…. 

          Clearly, Cameron Diaz’ vagina has no magic powers.

  • Walking Tall

    A-Rod should start banging Lady Gag with his Poka Face

  • Cutebutt

    You should call ESPN. Maybe they hadn’t thought of it.

  • Anonymous

    Shark week? Does Jabberjaw know about this?

  • Yankee Joe

    QUESTION: How many rings does AJ have and how many does the WHOLE MUTT TEAM HAVE!

    • Junior

      Having rings and earning them are two different things. Remember even the physio gets a ring.

  • Anonymous

    What a shocker, a baseball player (or any sports figure) playing cards?  Say it ain’t so!  If only Girardi would cash out on Burnett now for SuperNova.

    If I can remember my own stuff, The Manny did in fact jump Jerry Tarkanian at Dodger Stadium one time.  Truly it was all downhill from there.  

  • Anonymous

    I love the tough shark week questions being asked here.  I demand answers.

  • Jgclancy

    I’m shocked..shocked that there’s gambling going on!

  • Anonymous

    I like that A-Rod picture.  His tell is when he sticks two whole finger into his ear.

  • Ben W

    Everybody forgets that the 2009 Yanks don’t beat the Phillies without AJ’s game 2. He earned that ring.

    Different Matt. When are you coup your way to top Matt?

Back to Top