BUNT-GATE: REYES COMING BACK AS PLAYER/MANAGER OF METS

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The shirt, too?

FLUSHING, NY – It’s official, the New York Metropolitans could flock up a rock fight. What is it about season-ending games and this organisation (Canadian spelling), anyway? With nothing but Jose Reyes‘ Batting Title at stake, the Mets still managed to suck the life out of the 674 of us that braved humiliation by association, brow-beatings from Yankee fans, still-ridiculous prices and near zero enthusiasm from a team of Double-A players, to show up for one last game, for one last shot at having some tiny morsel of hope heaped upon us to carry us through a dreary and weary winter… on a Thursday afternoon! Did we mention Tall Matt’s Lyme-disease induced Bell’s Palsy and Concussed Matt’s continued struggles with post-concussion, Pat LaFontaine-meets-Eric Lindross-meets-Paul Kariya symptoms?

Back to baseball… For those that have been living in a cave or Scott Stevens-produced coma for the past couple/three month, let’s recap the downward spiral of Metsies’ newest low:
-With Mike Pelfrey throwing more like an Ace Freeley than an Ace of the Mets, the momentarily strong starting pitching eventually succumbs to its mundane mediocrity.
Mets stink up the the joint after showing some pluckiness for nearly half a season
David Wright and Ike Davis miss the heart of the season after bumping each other at a Pilates class wine-tasting
Jose Reyes, the always-smiling, often hurt uber-talent fights back against The ManFred “Carl Crawford Money” Wilpon – by leading in all MLB categories but ERA (he was 2nd), yet sees his MVP quest and subsequent FAB (Free Agent Bonanza) derailed by his 13th hamstring injury… of the season. Unlucky.
-The accommodating Senior Circuit Club from Corona, Queens, lets teams pad their statistics in a go-through-the-motionsfinal month.

Fraser-Connick, Jr

Hip Hip Jose Reyes’ quest for the Mets’ first-ever Batting Title gives us fans something to cheer for in the Season Finale. Jose must hold off Milwaukee’s Ryan Braun, the Brew Crew’s Brew Jew, who will be playing later that evening. NOTE: If Harry Connick, Jr. and Brendan Fraser had a son, it would be Ryan Braun.

-With all 2/3s of the expected 674 fans still not in from the 7 Train, Grand Central Parkway or LIRR, Jose Reyes bunts for a hit in the 1st inning and calls time out. Justin Turner Overdrive, who was standing at the ready, takes his place. The 226 of us there (do the math) let out a collective “WHAT THE FU#K!” as we look around for Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’dcrew.

"Like a punch in the nuts."

Jose Reyes should have stayed in the game – at least until his next AB – and then come out. He could have stolen 2nd base, even gotten thrown out trying, taken SS for another inning or two – and then come out… And done so to standing ovation. But no. This guy, whom we have defended ad nausea the entire time he’s been here, decides he’s coming out of the game because his personal accolade means more than helping his struggling team win a game in front of a home-town crowd that is there for no other reason but to cheer him silly in the hopes it will make him stay.

But is he coming back??? You bet he is. Terry Collins, who was all fire and brimstone until the ink on his new contract extension dried, let a LAME DUCK player call the shots in a team game. He basically gave Reyes the keys to the car and said, “Drive it when you want, Papi. To hell with the fans and Ted Williams, who went 6-8 in a double header instead of sitting out to protect his .400 average. Whatever you want, Skip.

Relax! Joe Torre was Player/Manager! I can do it!

And there you have it. Jose Reyes, the NL Batting Champion, will be back on the Mets next year as Player/Manager, with Terry Collins as his grateful bench coach. Oh… And Ryan Braun? He’s back in the playoffs after going 0-4. Call it what it is: Bunt-Gate.

Different Matt, tomorrow.

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