AFC: Neck & Neck For Manning


Lori Levine

SOUTH BEACH, MIAMI – Right as I am about to make fun of Dancing with the Stars new cast again, the Colts have to go and release Peyton Manning. As if I wasn’t already crying when the DOW lost over 200 points on Tuesday! Whereas, Eli is almost robotic, Peyton wears his heart on his sleeve, and it almost makes it impossible for me to write any jokes about him…almost. I will say that Petyon’s press conference depressed me more than thinking of Snooki as a mother, it depressed me almost as much as the thought that Snooki will be a grandmother in about 12 years.

Everyone is wondering where Peyton will end up. It will most likely be an AFC team; the Jets or the Dolphins. I cannot see someone with so much class being coached by someone like Rex “The Best Team in NY” Ryan, who makes comments more vulgar than Kirk Cameron. Although, I must admit, the thought of Manning and Jets tight end, Dustin Keller, teaming up is exciting.

The Dolphins on the other hand, have running-back, Reggie Bush. He dated a Kardashian, so he is used to catching things; and would work well with Peyton. And, new coach, Joe Philbin, is known for working a tight offense. Also, is it any coincidence that I am in Miami, and Peyton is being wooed by Dolphins owner, Stephen Ross? Exactly.

There are other teams in desperate need of a QB, too. John Elway has less faith in Tim Tebow as the Broncos starter than the NBA officials have in the Dallas Mavericks. And, as someone who respects a career QB, Elway is the VP of football operations for the Broncos, and can make those decisions. There’s also talks of him going to the Jaguars. But, that team has less talent than a farm team. A photo of Peyton Manning in a Jacksonville jersey may sell for less than the tens of dollars that the photo of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo’s child will bring in.

Picking a new team will definitely be a pain in the neck for Manning. Good thing he’s been dealing with that for the last year. So, only time will tell but the exclusive on where Peyton ends up may have a larger bounty than the Saints do on injuring opponents.

Ol' Mitt

I’m guessing we will find out in the next few weeks, just as the GOP screws over Romney and Santorum, and puts Jeb Bush into the game (this is my guess too).

Different Matt is back tomorrow with…

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About the Author ()

Lori Levine is one of those people who should always be in a bikini. Don’t be fooled by the fact that Howard Stern voted her his Hottest Fan, though. Her “degenerate dad” raised her at the track in New Jersey and watching the Yankees, NY Giants, NY Rangers and Knicks. She knows sports better than 99.9% of us and she’s a wise-ass with the brain to make it all work.

  • AngryWard

    Manning will play in Miami. As you mention, they have a few pieces on offense. He owns a house down there. He gets to play against Tom Brady twice a year, which the NFL will love. He stays in the AFC so gets to stick it to his old team on occasion. Plus the Dolphins are in desperate need of a QB. Makes sense all the way around.

  • Lori’s Stalker

    3 neck operations can’t be dismissed that easily. l still can’t play softball after spraining my vagina two years ago.

    • MeetTheMatts

       We’ve had the neck fusion and it was done in the Dark Ages on Worker’s Comp. No professional help and basically a “Be careful!” to go with our halo… Peyton has had better care than most Presidents and has all kinds of help. Funny story: In one our rehabbing injury stints, we were next to the oft-injured Moises Alou. The Mets had him in there on a Worker’s Comp deal, so he was paying less than we were…

  • Angry Ward is right.  Peyton will play in Miami.  The warm climate will be good for his neck and the strippers go full nude and put it in your face, so he won’t have to crick his neck to get a gander.

    • AngryWard

      Very good point Cookie. Plus, neckbraces have replaced the ascot as preferred neck wear among the South Beach set.

    • Lori Levine

      I know that’s why I’m here, Cookie

    • Tall Matt

       Full nude AND booze?  Or no booze?

  • vinny from brooklyn

    I hope manning plays with the jets. his family can hang with his brother’s and they would only play each other like once, unless it’s the super bowl.

  • Ram Rules

    my best guess is manning will be a Titan.  He has the instant hometown appeal for all of us Vol fans and there is enough running game in place to take the pressure off of his arm.  He may be peyton manning but he wont be throwing 50 times a game anymore.  too much risk.

  • All I really got out of this is that Lori’s very active in the stock market.  This may very well mark her as the perfect woman.  For when I was a young man, my bible was Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche, which taught me, among other things, that the two greatest assets in a woman are big breasts and trust funds.  

    Levine, when we gettin’ hitched?

    • AngryWard

      He’s a real catch Lori. Then, so is an old boot, occasionally.

    • Doc Diz

      Incorrect…it is nice legs and a trust fund.  The breasts are optional and they cost too dang much to maintain via plastic surgery once they get past 40.

  • Different Matt

    I dont think Manning would sign with the Jets. I think he’ll end up in Miami for a couple of seasons in the sun before he calls it quits. I think there’s also a chance he ends up in Kansas City to do his best Joe Montana for a couple of years.

    • MeetTheMatts

       He does that that Midwestern thing going on… KC also has meat.

    • Ram Rules

      KC doesnt deserve that after wrongfully firing todd haley.  Going 5-7 with all the injuries he had was a feat in itself.  Romeo crenell took over when everyone got healthy and they think he is a saint.  No one seems to remember how terrible of a coach he is.  I don’t want coach peyton making him look any better

  • Maybe he’ll be playing for the Los Angeles Jaguars.

  • MeetTheMatts

    Loir Levine: Great post – timely, professional and entertaining and all – but what’s with the conservative outfit!? Anyway, we’ve been calling for Peyton to be taking NJ Transit with Eli from Hoboken to work for months. Again, fire the Big Mouth and bring in Bill Cowher. Mark Sanchez goes back to the bench and becomes the newest Matt Leinhart.

    • Johnny Rox

      If the Jets were to get Peyton and he DID win the Supergame with them he’d make three times his salary in endorsements! However, I don’t think the Jets are getting him, and I don’t think he’s as good a QB as Lil’ Bro!!! There, I said it!!!

      Personally, I’d rather just have Cowher! GREAT COACH!!! Move footsie to Defensive Co-Ordinator, sit Markie Mark, and bring in a veteran QB for the kid to learn under! Nothing wrong with that!!!


  • bosoxbruins04

    Manning may go to the desert. Larry Fitzgerald would be so happy he’d be his chauffeur, butler and sommelier. 

    • Sam’s-A-Fan

      No valet?

  • He’s in full equipment and doesn’t play defence!

  • Amy Cat

    Nice one girl!

  • Sam’s-A-Fan

    “He dated a Kardashian, so he is used to catching things.”  Hee hee hee!

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