Grote’s Gripes: Baseball’s Over/Unders

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LAS VEGAS, NV – Baseball starts tomorrow, so it is always fun to check out the over/under win totals for the season.  The Mets listed over/under is in the low 70s while the Yankees is in the mid 90s. This twenty game spread looks appetizing for a delusional Mets fan like myself.  Hell, I’m tempted to place some cash on the Mets over this year just to keep September interesting.

There is a number listed below for each team.  Some are actual over/under win totals for teams but for others the numbers indicate something different.  Try and see if you can guess which are the correct O/U’s and which others are truthful statements:

85 is the Arizona Diamondbacks over/under number or the number of concession workers deported during an average season.
85 is the Atlanta Braves total number or the over/under on the games Chipper Jones has left in his career.
71 is the Baltimore Orioles number or the o/u on the number of fans who attended every single home game last year.
88 is the Boston Red Sox number or the number of beers Josh Beckett drank in the locker room last year.
73 is the Chicago Cubs number or the temperature where Chicago office workers are legally able to take off to attend weekday afternoon games.
77 is the Chicago White Sox  o/u or the number of gunshot wounds within a mile radius of Comiskey Park during home games last year.
87 is the Cincinnati Reds win total or the number games the Bengals have won in the past two decades.
76 is the Cleveland Indians total or the actual age of Reberto Hernandez aka Fausto Carmona.
83 is the Colorado Rockies win total or the percentage of people attending Rockies games in either Birkenstocks or Uggs.
94 is the Detroit Tigers number or the number of cigarettes Jim Leyland sneaks in the dugout during the season.
63 is the Houston Astros total or the amount of the highest priced ticket paid for an Astros game last year.
79 is the Kansas City Royals number or the number of times Tim Tebow said he was excited to join the Jets during his press conference.
90 is the Los Angeles Angels win total or the number of wins more that Jered Weaver has over his brother Jeff.
82 is the Los Angeles Dodgers number or the number of riots in South Central LA after Magic Johnson’s ownership bid is rejected.
83 is the Miami Marlins number or the number of games Jose Reyes will play before going on the DL with a hamstring injury.
85 is the Milwaukee Brewers total or the percentage of water in the Miller Lite sold at Miller Field.
74 is the Minnesota Twins total or the percentage of their payroll Morneau and Mauer make up.
74 is the New York Mets o/u or the interest rate the Mets are paying on their loan from MLB.
93 is the New York Yankees win total or Joba Chamberlain’s IQ.
73 is the Oakland A’s number or the number of games Manny Ramirez will play before he fails another drug test.
95 is the Philadelphia Phillies number or the percentage of baseball fans who think Jonathan Pappelbon is an a**hole.
73 is the Pittsburgh Pirates number or the number of more years the Pirates will have to go under .500 to tie the Washington Generals mark for futility.
71 is the San Diego Padres win total or the average temperature at game time for every Padres home game.
87 is the San Francisco Giants total or the average age of their ball boys.

72 is the Seattle Mariners win total or the number of Starbucks in Seattle.
87 is the St. Louis Cardinals win total line or the cutoff number in spring training to be called anything other than “Minor League Guy”
87 is the Tampa Bay Rays win total or the mandated age by which Don Zimmer has to retire.
93 is the Texas Rangers total or the number of toothpicks Ron Washington goes through in a game.
81 is the Toronto Blue Jays win total or the Toronto Blue Jays loss total.
82 is the Washington Nationals over/under or the number of meaningless games the Washington Wizards play every year.

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