Grote’s Gripes: Taste The Lin-Sanity

50 Comments

WATERBURY, VT - Last week Ben & Jerry’s got into a lot of trouble from the politically-correct crowd for offering a new flavor at their Harvard Square location.  Their Taste The Lin-Sanity featured vanilla frozen yogurt, lychee honey swirls and fortune cookie pieces. How dare they put fortune cookies in something named for an Asian sports star!?  That is the most racist thing I’ve ever heard! It’s a good thing that Ben & Jerry’s backed down to the pressure and replaced the crushed fortune cookies with waffle cone pieces.  If they got away with this other companies would follow suit.  The next thing you know McDonald’s will start serving mint green frozen ice cream drinks and call them Shamrock Shakes or Carvel will start serving racist green ice cream cakes known as Cookie O’Puss.  You’re damn right a stand had to be made and thank God the loud mouth minority of thin skinned ACLU types put a stop to this.

Fortunately, Ben & Jerry’s has a history of naming flavors after athletes and they won’t let the PC police stop them from naming more in the future.  Many of these flavors flew under the radar because they just weren’t marketed to the mainstream.  Here are some of the better examples:

Above Us Only Sky Walker

Fudge Rodriguez: Hazelnut ice cream with bits of steroids made this a popular item in Texas throughout the late 90′s and into the new millennium.  It started out only available in cups but soon was being packaged in gallon containers.

Imagine Whirled B. Free: This extra smooth milk chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles was a chucker’s delight.  Of course you could expect to find multiple air balls in every pint.

Triple Cara-Mel Hall:This caramel ice cream with Gummy Bears was named after the former Yankee who was convicted of three counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child. Judge Baskin Robbins sentenced him to at least 31 flavorful years behind bars.

Iced Coffey -Named after Hall of Fame NHL Defenseman Paul Coffey, this coffee sorbet was decorated with two blue lines on either side and a red line down the middle.  Critics claim there is no defense for using coffee as a sorbet but if you ever saw Paul play you’d know that was appropriate.

Veteran’s Stadium Served Scoops Of Half Baked McBride In A Phillies Helmet

Creme Buehrle - This plain vanilla ice cream is a favorite of manager Ozzie Guillen wherever he goes.  Unfortunately for the Marlins, Mark’s arm has already begun to melt.  NL East opponents are looking forward to do just as the flavor says this year.

Half Baked McBride - This classic 70′s flavor contained chocolate ice cream with thousands of bits of fudge.  Instead of a spoon it came with a pick, which was used to prop up the fudge pieces on top to simulate an afro.

Say It Ain’t Sosa - This flavor has had many variations over the years.  It began as dark chocolate ice cream with bits of Cracker Jack throughout but slowly began to change into it’s current form of white chocolate ice cream layered with bits of super balls.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the Good Humor man himself, Angry Ward.

Share Button

Filed in: Grote2DMax
Tagged with:

About the Author ()

  • MartyStein9

    Now I want ice cream. The Creme Buehrle is the best. 

    • Grote2Dmax

      I scream you scream…

    • Ram Rules

      I used to watch buehrle in high school in st. Louis. His arm was a lot smoother and richer then. Not I look at him and it’s like he is the mostly empty carton in your freezer thats hard and stale but you don’t want to throw it away because you think if you eat it one more time it will still be good.

      • Sam’s-A-Fan

         My wife went to High School(Parkway Central, I think)  with Dave Silvestri (another St. Louis product). I don’t know what ice cream flavor you’d compare him to based on her description of “Nice guy, but not the best algebra student around?”

        • AngryWard

          Sam, I think that same quote appeared next to my Junior High School yearbook photo.

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    Dude, you f#$%ing killed me today!  Chuckers delight sounds like a great rap song also…something Curtis Blow could add onto ‘Basketball’.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Thanks Cheese.  Figured you’d like the Iced Coffey.

    • MeetTheMatts

       Watch those symbols, CB!

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    My apologies to Clancy, The Don of MTM, for this late wish…Happy Birthday, Mr. Athletic.

    • Johnny Rox

      Aww Man, I missed it too!

      Happy Belated Sir Clance A-Lot!

      Hopefully you had such a great time you’re not up yet!!!

      J…

  • Cutegirl

    I predict Lin will date Kim Kardashian.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Kim K has nothing on you Cutegirl.

    • Johnny Rox

      LOL, Kim K would date a farm animal before she dated Jeremy Lin! She prefers guys with VERY low IQ’s! Preferably with third grade educations and more jewelry than sense!!!

      Jeremy Lin prefers girls who’s asses are smaller than Landry Fields Sofa!!!

      Much like her and her ENTIRE family, IT’LL NEVER WORK!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    That Lin-Sanity Ice cream sounds delish.  Leave it to the PC people to RUIN another good time.  I love lychees.  Now i’ll have to resort to enjoying them my usual favorite way.  Soaked in vodka at the bottom of a martini glass.

  • Johnny Rox

    Grote, well done!
    Thanks for making me smile.

    I’ve an idea for a reality show. Let’s get a bunch of PC Police types and put them on an island. Then get a small group of contestants to CLUB THEM LIKE BABY SEALS!!! Whoever Clubs more wins!

    I’ll not only watch, I’ll participate!!!

    J…

    • Grote2Dmax

      Let’s all go clubbing.

      • Tall Matt

         Club Sandwiches Not Seals

        • Jgclancy

          They keep selling me club sandwiches but I’m not even a member…I’d tack on a rimshot to that oldie but Levine would be all over it

      • Sam’s-A-Fan

         “I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
                                                                           -Groucho Marx

  • Johnny Rox

    I’m unofficially officially giving the Franchise tag to Cookie!

    Who could POSSIBLY be more deserving???

    J…

    • Grote2Dmax

      No arguing here.

      • AngryWard

        Getting franshise tagged on this site means you’ll be paid in the top 5% of all MtM employees. Again, that’s zero.

        • MeetTheMatts

           Paid workers always get disgruntled!

  • Ram Rules

    Oh I hear there is another new york flavor being released in honor of Nails: it’s called the “Lenny’s everything bagel nosh contest.”

    Its got everything allright. Vanilla ice cream with real bits of extacy, cocaine, and HGH. Like a fine wine this ice cream should be aged 3 years in a cold dark place.

    Sponsored by Mercedes Benz

    • AngryWard

      His new nickname is “Jails.”

  • Johnny Rox

    I apologize to Wrong Coast Craig for not posting yesterday! Your column was GREAT! I LOVE Dr. Suess, almost as much as I like the Wu Tang Clan!!! (AND THAT’S A LOT!!!)

    And AW RIPPED IT! He tore it up!!! Like Snookie wearing a pair of wayyyyyy too small pants, and doing a drunken split on the dance floor, Tore up!!!

    Speaking of which, I know its early but, I predict that for Halloween the Snookster will go naked and painted black and go as a Bowling Ball! However, like that bowling ball that’s been around too long MANY will try her but, Nobody will wind up using her!

    Ouch!

    J…

  • Sam’s-A-Fan

    Then of course there’s Vanilla Beane named for former Mets’ prospect and current Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane, one of the whitest guys in sports.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Was thinking of a Butterbean flavor but it went nowhere.

      • Jgclancy

        Now we need a Butterbean video clip just because..and where’s that crack MtM staff when we really need them?

  • Jgclancy

    Well…birthday (and National Bacon Day) are now a distant memory.Just older now and have cheated death for another year. Thanks for the good wishes.Today’s b-day boy–>   Ed McMahon!
    All this ice cream talk and now all I hear is the Mr. Softee jungle in my head.
    I’ll have the ” Vida Blue ice cream”..it’s really just neopolitan with colored sprinkles since Vida often saw all the colors of the rainbow most of the time anyway.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Tried to wish you a late Happy Bacon/Brithday yesterday.  Hope you had some Vida Blue Moons good sir.

  • Tall Matt

    Still snickering over Fudge Rodriguez.  Those one letter off bits are the funniest.

     

    • Grote2Dmax

      Thanks Ball Matt.

      • Sam’s-A-Fan

         Or Ball Malt to follow today’s theme.

  • Grote2Dmax

    Thanks Ball Matt.

  • Different Matt

    Fantastic work, Grote. Fudge Rodriguez and Creme Buehrle are phenomenal.

    Why is Jeremy Lin’s tongue black in that picture? Has he been poisoned? maybe he has been with Kim Kardashian.

    • Sam’s-A-Fan

       Or maybe he’s not all Taiwanese, but Taiwanese/Akita (or whichever of those dogs with the black tongues?)

    • Grote2Dmax

      He just finished eating some Imagine Whirled B. Free ice cream.

  • http://ThePublicProfessor.com The Public Professor

    feed me.

    • Grote2Dmax

      You certainly deserve some Half Baked McBride in a mini Phillies helmet.

  • AngryWard

    Jonathan Vanillma. Not sure what the flavor is but it’s got pieces of Brett Favre in it and costs 10 gs.

    • Grote2Dmax

      He tried to put Favre in Greg Williams Funeral Home.

  • Johnny Rox

    METS ROCKY ROAD – unlike most Ice-Cream’s this one doesn’t taste very good, cuz they couldn’t afford any good ingredients! It starts out tasting bad, but then gets MUCH worse!!! They have a loyal following of nerds and geeks who HATE other Ice-Creams, especially the one made in the same town as them! That one is constantly winning awards for being the BEST TASTING ICE-CREAM in the United States! They are quick to point out that ANYBODY can make good ice-cream with quality ingredients!

    They just don’t “get it”

    J…

  • MeetTheMatts

    We’d like some Strawberry & Bream frozen HoJo low-yo…

  • Ram Rules

    I’m at the big east tourney right now and I want to banana split the Pitt cheerleaders.

    I’m pretty disappointed in what st.johns brought. Don’t get me wrong. I would still take those Girls out and never call them again but I don’t like my ice cream that chunky

    • buffalobilly84

      Dude, that is funny.

      • MeetTheMatts

         And a man from Buffalo knows that one man’s trash is another man’s Chunky Monkey!

  • http://twitter.com/WestCoastCraig West Coast Craig

    This is delicious.  I think Whirled B. Free should get into a Colbert-Fallon-esque battle with Ron Artest’s Meta-Whirrled-Peas, which comes with little wasabi peas in it.  Hey wait a minute, little wasabi peas would actually be a great mix-in!

    • Grote2Dmax

      Aren’t the Lil’ Wasabi Peas a Black Eyed Peas cover band?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Junoir-Blaber/512502691 Junoir Blaber

    That Ice cream pic is very disturbing

Back to Top