To Think That I Saw It On MTM Street

35 Comments

So Friday was the fly day and a mirth day
(Not just for players on the juice,
cause The Manny’s back and Braun is loose),
and even if it’s not quite Earth Day
It was in fact the birthday
Of dear old Dr. Seuss.
The Lorax became a movie
Which kinda rhymes with SUV
A most ironic celebration
Of branding integration
But a $70 million opening is groovy…
Like the groovilous glove of the Once-Ler
With a distinctive hole in its finger
It served him all right
But it’s a much different plight
For the one worn by David Wright.

Dr. Seuss Of Sports

Sam’s-A-Fan and a fan is Sam
But it’d be even cooler if he swam
In a Mets injury pool with dibs
On David Wright’s bruised ribs
Aww wham bam thank you ma’am.
If such a pool existed
Wouldn’t it be twisted
If you were a believer
In something called Desert Fever
And had Ike Davis listed!
Yes, spring baseball is finally apace
And the Yankees are two and oh
While castoffs AJ and Montero have taken more balls off their face
Than a video shot in San Fernando.
You must not hop on Pops, either old man Stargell or David Ortiz
And certainly don’t hop on Big Papi’s knees,
And in the Red Sox clubhouse the beers are no longer flowing.
While in Detroit and playing DH, you can bet that Prince will keep growing.
And Growing.
And GROWING.
AND GROWING!
A Lakers/Heat Finals would be the picks
Of everyone in Bristol
So am I the only one hoping for Clippers/Knicks?
(well, me and Billy Crystal)
But yesterday the Lakers beat the Heat
With Kobe wearing a mask
While Linsanity has cooled a beat
As if you had to ask
And might things get exciting in Brooklyn joints
as Nets fans wonder what they saw…
Did Darren Williams drop more points
Than sponsors dropped Rush Limbaugh?
Speaking of New York-Boston rivalries
The Rangers beat the Bruins
One team is looking pretty good, but with apologies
to Cheesy, the other looks a bit in ruins.
In football the Saints defenders were counting bounties. ..
But their bounding bonuses will be docked
And other D’s are being clocked
Because of course the commish is shocked.
Shocked.
Shocked!
SHOCKED!
I’ve got a new appreciation for Dr. Seuss
For writing books like Thidwick The Moose
While I resort to stupid tricks
Like simply making limericks
And I apologize to him for such abuse.
I’m sure Theo Geisel could meet The Matts’ demands
But as for me I’m off to relax
I’ll leave you readers in good hands
For tomorrow’s Grote2DMax.

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About the Author ()

West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.
  • AngryWard

    I do like this column, West Coast Craig.
    I would like it on a boat.
    And I would like it on a Macy’s float.
    I would like it here or there.
    I would like it without hair.
    I would like it with my friend Cookie.
    I’d even like it with Jersey Shore’s Snooki.
    I’d like this column on colon cleanse day.
    There’s not a chance I’ll top it Wednesday.

    • Twinkletoes

      Clever!

    • http://twitter.com/WestCoastCraig West Coast Craig

      You just did, AW, you just did.

  • Baseball Lifer

    Smoking the good stuff?

    • MeetTheMatts

       Baseball Lifer: How dare you suggest that West Coast Craig would violate his body by inhaling smoke! He lives in L.A.!!! Wait… the smog… never mind… You’re right… We’ll address the “elephant” in the room and have the Los Feliz Albertson’s deliver him some Chunk Monkey and Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. 

      • http://twitter.com/WestCoastCraig West Coast Craig

        Believe me, throw a rock in my neighborhood and you can hit a window with a green cross on it…but alas, if I had the good stuff this column would’ve been much more up to snuff.  

        • AngryWard

          Posh! Flimshaw! This one is an early candidate for “Column of the Year.” You should be hoisting The Matty at the year-end awards ceremony/overdue holiday what-have-you.

          • Dude

            matt has promised a holiday soiree
            since as far back as 09 in may
            when the day does come
            we shall not be stunned
            to find no one is around that day

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    Oh, The Places You’ll Go with posts like these.  Well done, Craig.

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    I love this post.  Not enough caffeine hitting the system yet to post anything rhyming or witty.. but yeah… it’s good.

  • Jgclancy

    Manny and Dr Seuss to open my hungover day with…sweet!!!
    Bacon for everybody on this most grand National Bacon Day!!!
    Go Aztecs!!!!!  No. 1 seed in the Mountain West Conference tourney!!!

    • AngryWard

      Happy Birthday to JG Clancy.
      Send him some bacon, nothing fancy.
      I hope he’s around when I get down South.
      I’ll buy him a Blue Moon Ale for his mouth.

      Clearly I should have quit while I was (sorta) ahead.

      • Tall Matt

        HERE HERE!!

        where?

      • Jgclancy

        …but it’s the effort that counts, AW..gracias!

    • MeetTheMatts

       Happy Birthday to MTM’s Schneider, jgclancy!!!

      • Jgclancy

        I would have preferred being NORM..but I’ve lost too much weight  :) Schneider is good though  :)

  • Tall Matt

    Is there a cash bounty program out yet for The Tall Matt?  I’ll start the fund.

    • AngryWard

      I won’t contribute but I’ll be happy to try to claim it. More than happy.

    • Jgclancy

      I’m sure Meet The Matts will give any of their writer’s a raise for finding The Tall Matt

    • http://www.facebook.com/jjtemple Jim Temple

      $10 if you steal TMs shinny glasses.
      $20 for the blue jacket

      $50 for different Matt’s ugly Yankee blue jacket

    • Ram Rules

      I would contribute but i just donated all my liquid assets to the bring peyton manning to the jets PAC

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harlem-Shaskys/100002347021401 Harlem Shaskys

         That would be a great move.

        • Ram Rules

          what happened to us practicing yesterday?

  • http://ThePublicProfessor.com The Public Professor

    Good to see Ward’s finally cleansing his colon.  I’ll be expecting some Ahab-like character to shout “Thar she blows!” any day now.

  • http://twitter.com/WestCoastCraig West Coast Craig

    Happy birthday Clancy, for you I’ll write an all new Mancy…

    oh god, everything I read now is in that cadence.

    • Jgclancy

      Thanks..a little Seusss goes a long way

  • Different Matt

    you have a great gift for rhyme.

    • Sam’s-A-Fan

      Some of the time.

  • Anonymous

    There once was a boy who was fat.
    He was bit on the leg by a cat.
    He took it by its little head
    And beat it with a piece of lead.
    The cat was killed
    by the boy who was fat.

    • JerseyGirl

      That is sick! And after a great and cute poem!

  • Sam’s-A-Fan

    I am more than a bit honored to have been included in WCC’s great post today.  If I had some of the good stuff I’d send it to Craig as a thank you, but alas I don’t.  Maybe you can get some at Tall Matt’s Irish bodega?  You used to be able to get it at lots of bodegas in my youth, but alas I’m not so young anymore.

    Happy b’day Clancy!

    • Grote2Dmax

       I never knew you couldn’t swim.

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    Happy Birthday Clancy!!

    • Grote2Dmax

      happy birthday (less) big guy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Junoir-Blaber/512502691 Junoir Blaber

    I have never read a Dr. Seuss book

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