Angry Ward Wednesday: Clancy, Cleveland, NY Giants, Yanks & Columbus Day

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NFL Giants

Angry Ward or Nappy Ward?

NEW YORK, NY – It was a long, kinda exhausting, weekend that kicked off Friday night seeing a friend’s play (that’s right, I have friends getting plays staged while I continue to toil here), followed by a spirited round of drinking that got me back home way after my usual bedtime. Saturday, I had hoped to somehow catch up on the zzzs but that wasn’t in the cards. Is it ever? The good news is, I convinced one JG Clancy to join me the following day for what promised to be a rain-soaked slip n’ slide NFL contest between the New York Football Giants and the Cleveland Browns. Here’s how it went:

Port of Departure. Met Clancy at 10:30 sharp outside the state-of-the-art Port Authority Bus Terminal on 42nd and Eighth. Though traveling by bus anywhere is among the most humiliating endeavors any human would ever choose to undertake, when it comes to getting to a football game in Jersey from NYC, it’s actually the best choice you could possibly make. It’s 10 bucks round trip, the ride itself takes around 15 minutes, and you can tailgate with wild abandon without having to worry about getting behind the wheel after the game. Seriously, bus travel stinks, except for this one instance. We also had the added entertainment of two youngsters sitting behind us getting very animated about how the Giants really needed this game, with a lot of “we need to do this!” and “we need to do that!” talk. I’ve always enjoyed those that think they’re literally part of the team. It ended with one of them telling the other about some hot girl he makes it with when he’s in California. It was right out of the “I have a girlfriend in Canada” playbook.

JG Clancy standing & Angry Ward in fishing hat…

Brown n’ out in Cleveland

In Search of Tailgate. Got out to East Rutherford a little before 11, knew exactly where the tailgate was supposed to be, yet still managed to walk right by it twice. Completely my fault. Probably still feeling the effects of that last dark -n- stormy of the season. Anyway, tailgate was good. It rained pretty hard but we had just enough tent coverage as well as burgers, dogs, Italian sausage, and beer aplenty. Occasionally you’d see some Browns fans amble by and some moron somewhere would yell, “Browns suck!” Does this really need to happen? You don’t think Browns fans know this already? Picking on Cleveland fans is like kicking a blind three-legged dog. There needs to be a law. Don’t worry buffalobilly84, we’ll include Bills fans, too.

Game on. Well, we missed the opening kickoff but got to our seats just in time for Cleveland to recover an Ahmad Bradshaw fumble and punch in an early touchdown. Wow, that was fast. Rain had pretty much stopped by the time Cleveland made it 14-0 and Giants fans were starting to look queasy. Three Victor Cruz touchdowns and 200 Bradshaw rushing yards later, order had been restored: Giants 41 Browns 27.

Postgame Pops. Back in the city we repaired to Annie Moore’s near Grand Central for a last beer(s) and intellectual review of the day’s events. The game was actually entertaining, we didn’t get drenched and hey, look, our Vikings were on the way to their fourth win of the season. One more than all of last year. Not bad.

Steak ‘n Shake isn’t exactly Jake

Columbus Day. Weird, would be the only way to describe it. Is it a holiday? Is it not a holiday? Really depends on who you ask. I treated it both ways. Dropped off some freelance work in the city, where every other person I saw looked like they were walking around in disguise. Was in the area so tried a Steak ‘n Shake burger for the first time. Was not impressed in the least. Also, don’t ever put mustard on my burger! This is New York, not Peoria. Later in the afternoon the wife and I went to see a movie, The Master her choice, by the way. While I can appreciate the acting talents of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix as much as the next person, I would rather eat 30 Steak ‘n Shake burgersin one sitting than sit through this film again.

Exact expressions of people leaving the theater

Back home I watched some, but not all of the Yanks/O’s game. Someone please send a memo to Andy Pettitte telling him that we know he has a great pickoff move but he doesn’t need to throw it over to first when the runner is barely a foot off the bag. Hopefully he reads it and doesn’t misremember it. Send a memo to A-Rod as well, telling him that he’s doing a bang-up job and shouldn’t change a thing.

A person who is also doing great work, Cam James, tomorrow.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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