NHL Lockout: Stuff To Watch In Meantime

30 Comments

NEW YORK, NY - Do you hear that? That galloping sound is the sound of Soccer passing Hockey – like the rest of the field passing Karma Shield -  in the hearts, minds, and television sets of many Americans. While the NHL Lockout continues with players and owners are still fighting over the some major payroll issues and some draconian changes to free agency, soccer has maintained its steadfast rise into the homes of suburbanites all across the ol’ U-S of A.

NBC has gotten in on the action, buying the rights to English Premier League soccer starting next season. They already have the rights to the MLS (yes, thats still a thing). This all means that we’re all going to have to sit through the endless NBC soccer promos during Sunday Night Football, Notre Dame games, the Triple Crown races, and whatever other sports NBC shows. For those of you who can’t stand soccer, here’s a few alternatives to pass the time until we get our NHL back.

Levitation is Euro Handball prerequisite.

European Handball: Its kinda like hockey, except with a lot more handling of balls. Its kinda like basketball, except the players don’t date Kardashians. It’s kinda like water polo, except with a lot less chlorine. You get the picture by now. The Champions League is the premier competition in European handball. Look for Hamburg to make a deep run in the competition. I’ll be pulling for them. Who doesn’t like a good Hamburger? I know the Yimminites are with me.

Field Hockey: I know many of you are thinking of college coeds in sleeveless shirts and skirt-shorts, knocking a ball around with a stick that seems too short to be effective for anything. Apparently, however, outside of the States, this “sport” is played by men.

Thankfully the men don’t wear skorts, but their shorts are short enough to make a ‘70s ABA player blush. The similarities between this game and our beloved ice hockey stop at the word “hockey.” When we say hockey, we’re talking about pucks, ice, checking, fights, and Lord Stanley’s Cup. Outside of North America, when they say hockey, they’re talking about this abortion of a physical activity that’s played on a field that’s faker than Craig Sager’s hair.

I’d like to serve a slashing penalty in her box…

Jai Alai: It may just look like racket ball with a funny-looking paddle, but apparently Jai Alai is a gambler’s paradise. It’s big in Florida among gamblers who want to keep away from the ponies and greyhounds. It all seems strange to me since I can’t even begin to understand how the sport works other than there’s a ball that travels about 150 mph. Any Basques out there in Mattville that want to impart their wisdom about the sport-with-the-silly-name? I did see the most interesting man in the world playing Jai Alai in one of those Dos Equis commercials. Maybe I should give the sport another look.

That’s all I’ve got today. I’m filling in for Cookie on short notice so there isn’t much in my idea bank. Lets all hope the NHL and the players figure out how to split hockey related revenue while honoring current contracts soon. I don’t think I can go much longer without real ice hockey. My prediction is they settle this thing before Thanksgiving and the season will start the first week of December. But that could just be wishful thinking.

Tune in later this evening for Dr. Diz’s College Football talk – and how Romney was robbed by Ron Paul.

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About the Author ()

Different Matt is our cunning Cornell grad/rugby player. "Diff" joined us just after the switch from being "Mets only" to an all-sports stop. He's a Yankee fan; thus he was "different." Aside from the Yanks, he's a diehard NY Giants, NY Rangers and NY Knicks fan. He also likes long walks on the beach and cappuccinos and nearly died in Las Vegas.
  • OregonPete23

    I’d let Dutch field hockey girls hold my stick.

    • That Guy

      I’d like to Polkamp Sophie!

    • Cam_James

      I know a few women who are really good with hands and balls….

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    Diff 2016!! I’d really be the #1 driver of the campaign, but i think there’s no way we get a black dude in the White House three terms in a row.

    Jai Alai. yes. WTF? It would appear that the person who doesn’t get killed by said 150MPH ball, wins!

    • Diff

      It’s kinda like the thunderdome except with less Tina Turner.

      • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

        Yea Diff. F*CK!! Could you imagine Master Blaster with one of those hook-ball throwy Jai Alai things? I’d take Gulag in a heartbeat.

  • buffalobilly84

    Didn’t know that Jai Alai was headless. That could be interesting… Nah. And European men playing field hockey is just ridiculous.

  • Doc Diz

    Hockey never really was in the hearts and minds of most of America…anyone below the frost belt or west of the Mississippi could give two shits about the sport. Never have. Never will.
    Soccer may pass it by….but will anyone really notice? Slow motion football played by itty bitty surburban kids with metrosexual haircuts who were too scared to go out for football but could not play an instrument for band. Watching pro soccer is up their with yacht racing and bass fishing for over the top excitment (until the fans, who are also bored to tears but don’t want to admit it, go on one of their periodic drunen rampage riots).

    • Cam_James

      I could watch the Bill Dance show all day

      • Twinkletoes

        :-)

  • Yim Clancy

    Hmmm….what’s for breakfast today?….yesterday’s corner bagel was good but a li’l pricey. Thinking cup o joe and maybe a sausage Mcmuffin… or should I go to IHOP?

    Anyway…jai alai–I was just in the Dania Jai Alai . It’s a little seedy I must say and few people go anymore. I’d explain the rules but why–just avoid it.

    Go Vikings!!

  • Dude

    umm, NBA?

    • Diff

      Yeah… No.

      • Dude

        have fun watching field hockey, dopes. Not sure why this site has issues with the NBA. open your minds folks

        • Cam_James

          Every NBA season should be like last years lockout season. 82 games is way to many. Every night its the same crap product. 10 guys walking up and down the floor, no one plays defense and then all of a sudden the playoffs start and they start trying.

          The NBA Playoffs are absolutely thrilling. NBA regular season is like watching reruns of Roseanne.

          • Dude

            okay, but you could say something similar about the nhl- the season is too long and the playoffs are what’s worth watching. but after suffering being a knick fan for a long time i’m going to enjoy watching the entire season this year. way better than rosanne re-runs, or even first runs.

          • Cam_James

            The NHL addressed this and fixed their problems by eliminating the Tie. nothing is better than watching a nail biter go to shootouts.

  • Johnny Rox

    Diff knocked it out!
    Round the bases!!!

    Talking politics with Sr. Johnny Rox yesterday, and I said:

    – “It’s amazing how someone could spend so much more than the opposition, and STILL lose!”
    – “Yeah, they’re gonna have to put Romney on the Yankees!!!”
    I didn’t walk, I RAN into that one!

    Sr. Johnny Rox STILL considers himself a Brooklyn Dodgers fan, and much like Christians, is awaiting the second coming! Of the Dodgers BACK to Brooklyn!!!
    He also insists on “throwing away his vote” on ANYONE other than a Demoquack or Regurgitan!
    Hey, wait a minute! Is my Dad???
    Nah! He roots for the Rams!

    J…

    • AngryWard

      Great line from your Dad. Classic.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Another Ram fan? Good for your Dad JRox

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicdenyer Nic Denyer

    Field Hockey was one of the sports I figured my boys would have the best chance to make the Olympics… FYI: I’ll take a womens field hockey match over mens Ice Hockey any day, that photo says it all…

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    NESN has me covered for the dose of hockey I crave–Quest For The Cup 2011 (they show each playoff game of the Bruins championship run) every two days and quality college hockey (BC vs BU Sat. 5pm).
    F*CK BETTMAN!

    • Grote2Dmax

      I got to get NESN

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    President Obama just named Ron Paul to his cabinet!
    NHL impasse could end by 7pm!
    Tall Matt could post two days in a row!

  • david

    hockey is a niche sport

  • http://ThePublicProfessor.com The Public Professor

    Polkamp

    • AngryWard

      Sandusky was a counselor at Polkamp, I believe.

  • http://twitter.com/JunoirBlaber Junoir Blaber

    Hoo-ray for the beautiful game moving into 4th place. What will Fox Soccer channel show now? Maybe German league, hopefully!!

  • WestCoastCraig

    My kid loves soccer. He’s not coordinated enough to skate. He doesn’t even run very well, but he can sure punt the hell out of the ball…I’m thinking a future in rugby? I don’t know anything about it so you rugby folks on here help me out, how do I get him interested?

    • yim clancy

      What’s rugby?

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