Angry Ward Wednesday: Serving Up Sports on Thanksgiving Day Menu


Bacon Bird During Pre-Game

NEW YORK, NY – Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so if you think I’m putting any kind of effort into today’s posts you’ve got Plymouth rocks in your head. Still, Thanksgiving always means food aplenty and food is always worth talking about. For instance, JG Clancy sent me this picture of a bacon covered turkey specially for today’s column. While Mr. Clancy is no fan of turkey, we’re fairly certain that he’d at least consider sampling one covered in his favorite cured pork product. Let’s take a look at tomorrow’s menus and see how, or if, any of it ties into sports.

Pigskin. While not a whole lot of people do roast pork or suckling pig (save them cracklin’s for me) on Thanksgiving, just about everyone is up for a heaping helping of pro football. Tomorrow’s first game has Detroit hosting the Houston Texans. Our guess is that Houston should be able to handle the Lions. But, who knows, maybe Aaron Rodgers whispered in Matt Stafford’s ear during last Sunday’s postgame handshake and told him how to hang six touchdowns on one of the league’s top ranked Ds. The 4-o’clocker features RGIII and the Redskins visiting Dallas. Look for Jason Garrett to make a series of turkey play-calls. Speaking of turkey…

Get well soon, Gronk. Nice nurse!

Wings. Never a popular part of the Thanksgiving gobbler, wings are nevertheless playing a big part in tomorrow’s Jets/Pats night game. New England’s monster tight end Rob Gronkowski broke one of his wings during a final extra point try in last week’s rout over the Colts and will likely miss the rest of the season. Meanwhile, Mark Sanchez and his much maligned wing, carved up the Rams in St. Louis last Sunday. This one could actually be good.

Stuffing. This is what Bears backup QB Jason Campbell had knocked out of him Monday night by Aldon Smith of the 49ers. Smith a LB/DE hybrid in the Lawrence Taylor/Derrick Thomas mold sacked Campbell five and a half times in one game. Anyone attempting to bogart the stuffing on the dinner table will receive similar treatment.

Corn. How can you not like corn? Even if you don’t, you should eat at least a little because, as my friend Sean likes to say, it makes for a great “intestinal bookmark” so you know where you are with your post-meal digestion the next day. As for corn in sports, I’ve hated the Nebraska Cornhuskers since the days when Tom Osborne was busy running up scores on inferior opponents and I have no plans on stopping now.

Jason Campbell gets holiday hug from Aldon Smith

Gravy. Whatever I write from here on out is pure gravy.

Salad. As Homer Simpson once sang, “You don’t make friends with salad. You don’t make friends with salad.” It’s as true today as it was then. I don’t really have a problem with salad, except on Thanksgiving. It’s a useless waste of space. Y’know, like former Jets #1 pick Vernon Gholston.

Dessert. Most people favor some kind of pie for dessert on Thanksgiving. Some people are partial to pumpkin, some pecan, while others like something more traditional like apple. For me personally, I think dessert on this day says you failed miserably at eating all you could during dinner.

Clean up. This, the worst part of the evening, is when my brother conveniently passes out on the couch, which is a brilliant move really. Snoozing through clean up moments is something #4 hitters in Mets lineups have been doing for years.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! I sincerely hope that both Cam James and/or Lori Levine have tomorrow off. How about we just make it a live blog of various MTM Thanksgiving moments? I know that I’d love to get updates from Camp Blaber and Cookie’s Most Excellent In-Law Adventures.


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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception… he’s flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, “Angry Ward’s ‘anger’ is a direct result of “Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan.” As if that weren’t enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, “Don’t have a enough short, white angry guys but I don’t dislike them… that much.” A-Dubya is MTM’s longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

  • Snarky

    Only Bill Belichick would run a score up like that last week. And the douche gets payback by losing his most dominant weapon. Good… Great line about the Mets hitters and your brother, by the way.

    • We were with the MTM Staff watching Bully Bill run up the score. Didn’t remember – don’t judge – that Gronskalkoaznlkwski got hurt! Karma is a b*tch!

  • First… sorry to miss chiming in on WCC’s most excellent column yesterday. I find that the fact that Ray Lewis is getting paid large for ‘inspirational speeches’ and now the NFL is all ‘We Care You Is Concussed’ is pretty hilarious. The only thing better about a vid there would be if Bill Romanowski was the spokesperson.

    Ward… while I am fine being friends with salad.. no f*ckin’ way on Thanksgiving. It’s got no business on the table. I humbly disagree with your dessert assessment (then again.. i am partial to dessert anyway). Once again… pecan/pumpkin pie (miraculously in ONE pie) is WHERE. IT’S. AT.

    As for me and my most-excellent in-law adventures tomorrow, someone told me I should just bring my own food so I’m assured to have something edible. These people will f*ck up a turkey…but I’m not sure how i can show up with a whole turkey. Alas.. I will be crying in my vodka, lamenting not going to NYPD Cookie’s Thanksgiving and having deep fried turkey. But.. i’ll be with my mini Cookies.. and for that.. I’m thankful. Enjoy all.

    • AngryWard

      Again, you should live blog your meal.

      • I absolutely will be Tweeting tomorrow some gems from the ‘Thanks for Nothing You Horrible People’ Thanksgiving in Dirty Jersey.

    • LaurenDe

      Your kids will appreciate your cooking more!

    • Does Mr. Cookie think the food is good?

      • Not really.. but he dare not say anything. Now his brother has had my Thanksgiving and told me it was the best he’s ever had (and then said from under beads of sweat.. ‘Please don’t ever tell my mom that.’ Pillsbury Crescent rolls are gourmet at this sh*t.

  • Cam_James

    I for one was an overachiever and already wrote tomorrow’s column. That doens’t mean that it was written well. I can’t remember how it was written or what it was written about but I know it happened last night.

    • AngryWard

      I sense it’s going to be one of your best, Cam.

      • Cam_James

        i made sure to pull out all the hallucinogenic stops for tomorrows article so it better be good. Also i knew i was not going to write this evening seeing that it is blackout wednesday.

    • That’s what she said.

    • One can only hope that it’s ‘Memoirs from The Plaza, Part Deux.’

      • Cam_James

        Well i cant do that every week. What i can say is that maybe i should treat this like a series of Ernest movies. First it was Ernest goes to the Waldorf. Next maybe Ernest goes to Atlantic City?

  • Ward, your live blog idea for tomorrow is brilliant. I’ll be having a “Very Mafia Thanksgiving” in Staten Island tomorrow. Should be lots of crazy laughs. From the looks of that turkey, somebody’s Basket Weaving college course paid for itself.

  • Hey McCarthy, it’s a bit late but very sincere thanks for the beers at Bourbon Street. BTW, I want that Labatt’s hat somewhere down the road.

  • Johnny Rox

    Is that really Gronkowski with the assless Nurse?
    I wouldn’t let her do my laundry!!!

    Anywho, enjoy All!
    Happy Thanksgiving to the entire MTM family!

    Watch the Jets crush the Patsies on Turkey Day!


  • Grote2Dmax

    Gholston really tossed some salad as a Jet number one pick.

  • Tall Matt

    I’m going to live blog my 5 1/2 train ride to Brattleboro tomorrow. Lots of reading, dozing, drooling. Maybe a little farting, yawning and some exasperated groans.

    • jgclancy


  • jgclancy

    I’ll toss in a comment tomorrow about how wonderful my chicken and baked potato taste…(mine. all mine— I’ll cry out—let them eat turkey!)–as for dessert….you gotta wait a li’l while and then get that second wind—think I’m having Boston Cream Pie–Clancy’s always have at least six different pies stacked up.

    Go Knicks!!

  • WestCoastCraig

    I’ve had that bacon turkey (much better than turkey bacon) pic sent to me a couple of times in the last week…is it kismet?

  • The Gronk is my hero!!

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