Angry Ward Wednesday: Silver Linings Playbook

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NEW YORK, NY - The wife and I made it out to the movies again last Saturday night which, up until recently, was unheard of. Let’s put it this way, ever since Li’l Angry arrived, I think I’ve been to the movies a total of five or six times in four years. Anyway, since the disaster that was The Master, we caught Argo, and then this weekend it was the David O. Russell dramedy, Silver Linings Playbook. Though SLP featured a fairly predictable plot, we both enjoyed it. Among the positives, a nice sports and gambling undercurrent throughout revolving around, of all teams, the Philadelphia Eagles. Other pleasant surprises included Robert De Niro’s best role in a long time (Is it me, or will he do any crap script that falls in his lap these days?) and Jennifer Lawrence.

Though she’s not your standard Hollywood beauty, she’s hot and she can act. This is a good thing. She’s young too, so hopefully she’ll stick around for a while. Where was I? Oh, yeah, the movie. The story revolves around a protagonist who is coping with mental issues and is looking to find positives in negative situations. Sounds pretty familiar. Here are some sports personalities in desperate need of a silver lining.

Lenny Dykstra. The former Met/Phillie was recently sent to the slammer for six and a half months for squirreling away his own baseball memorabilia during bankruptcy proceedings. Not the smartest move, but then Lenny was never known for his brains. Silver Lining: Lenny’s already got a great tough-guy nickname for prison, “Nails.” His patented hustle should also serve him well around the showers.
Jennifer Lawrence

Scott Pioli and Romeo Crennel. The Chiefs GM and Head Coach had the unfortunate experience of watching one of their players kill himself last Saturday. Silver Lining: When they get fired by Kansas City after the season, they’ll probably feel like they got off easy. Also, neither one will be forced to watch the Chiefs play anymore.
Jennifer Lawrence.
Alex Rodriguez. Looks like A-Rod is going to need surgery on his left hip. He’s already had surgery on his right hip, which puts him in the company of two of my deceased uncles, which isn’t good. This latest surgery will likely sideline him for a significant portion of the season. Silver Lining(s): He won’t hear near as many “You suck, A-Rod!” heckles in 2013, this will probably render him incapable of ever schtupping Kate Hudson again, and the Yankees will still be paying him millions when he’s rolling around South Beach in his Lark 2000 scooter. It’s wins all the way around.

Nick Saban. Nick Saban is a douche. Silver Lining: Alabama will probably win another National Championship this year.

Hector Camacho. El Macho Man esta muerte. Silver Lining: We’re sure Hector would be happy to know that the Public Professor handled his passing and not Grote.

Jon Gruden. Half the time you have no idea what he’s talking about. More than half the time he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Silver Lining: He uses the word “gashed” like every other sentence… which is kinda funny.

This column is mercifully over. Silver Lining: Cam and Lori are up tomorrow.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
  • OregonPete23

    Gruden is the worst of the worst. I’d like to put a gash in him.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Gruden gives us douche chills.

  • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

    You think the movie situation is bad NOW, wait until Lil Angry is dragging you to the theater for what SHE wants to see!!!

    • AngryWard

      Glad you chimed in, Cheeseman. Listen, “Silver Linings Playbook” is right up your alley. Trust me. De Niro playing a bookie. His buddy is a Cowboys fan. I’ll say no more.

      • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

        Sounds hysterical on that alone although I’m sure there’s some decent dialogue.

      • Wisconsin Walt

        I didn’t know Jennifer Lawrence before but I’ll watch her now! haha And can’t you Mets fans help Lenny out?!

  • http://twitter.com/JunoirBlaber Junoir Blaber

    Hey Ward!! I am trying to round up people to go see some hockey in Conn. Maybe the Whalers or The Whale? Yes those are two different teams!! Danbury are the Whalers, Hartford are now The Conn. Whale. You in?

    • http://twitter.com/CheesyBruin Cheesy Bruin

      Needless to say I’m in. I’ll wear my Hartford Whalers shirt.

      • http://twitter.com/JunoirBlaber Junoir Blaber

        Hence why I didn’t ask, cheesy.

  • Diff

    I always pegged ARod as a Hoveround guy. Didn’t know he fancied the Lark

    • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

      Which is the one Costanza had?

  • http://ThePublicProfessor.com The Public Professor

    gash

  • Sam’s-A-Fan

    I really liked this movie too. It had such great realism in its portrayal of Eagles fans as racist douchebags.

    • AngryWard

      Funny Sam, I didn’t think they went far enough on Eagles fans. Seriously.

  • Cam_James

    i just want to say that Jennifer Lawrence may be my kate upton…

    • Jennifer Lawrence

      Really Cam? That is so sweet. I heard you were going to a party tonight. Can i be your date?

      • Cam_James

        Sure babe. Hit me up. here’s my digits. 347.707.6170

  • WestCoastCraig

    O Russell is hit and miss for me, but I wouldn’t mind seeing this one. I like how you made it through the entire piece without once mentioning Bradley Cooper.

    • AngryWard

      For me, Cooper was the weak link in this one. My wife, who actually studied acting, thought he was ok though. I personally think his career peaked when he played Sack in “Wedding Crashers.”

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Studied acting!? That’s rich!

  • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

    Again.. i’d like to say that ‘Wreck It Ralph’ was awesome. I may go see it again.

    • AngryWard

      Cookie, I took a page out of our old playbook and snuck vino into the theater via aluminum water bottle. Not as much fun as smuggling in a sixer, but still…

      • Sam’s-A-Fan

        I have a hazy recollection of sneaking whippets into a movie back in high school. Dune, I think? Sneaking them in wasn’t really the hard part, but trying not to draw attention to ourselves when filling up the balloon was a fruitless effort.

        • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

          Were you taking that pot stuff?!

          • Sam’s-A-Fan

            I was single handedly keeping the economy of Humboldt County, CA going.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Sneaking booze into a movie is brilliant!

      • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

        That’s awesome Angry. I think that there may be a good idea here…. sneaking in hooch into a kids movie in an aluminum bottle. Or maybe i need a flask and can go hard spirits when needed. Hmmmm…

  • Sam’s-A-(jazz)Fan

    I’d also like to Take Five to say R.I.P. Dave Brubeck!

    If West Coast Craig is a West Coast Jazz fan perhaps he’ll have some words to say on the subject. Maybe if Brubeck had gotten into an East Coast/West Coast beef with say, Bill Evans, and died as a result, the Public Professor would write a top notch piece on him on Monday?

    • http://twitter.com/Cookies_Corner Cookies Corner

      Yes… RIP Dave Brubeck. He was a native of my CT town.

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    Jennifer Lawrence is a poor man’s husky and shorter Cameron Diaz. She is not MTM Pin-up material!

    And A-Dubya, you are our Lining; you are so good that Mangement has to put up with your frequent slams!

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