Forget Heisman Trophy, Outland, etc. We’ve Got Real Awards, Like The Theismann


FORT WORTH, TX – It’s the time of year when we get to watch the Burl Ives snowman croons about ol’ Rudolf and NCAA College Pigskin hands out it’s awards.

There are so many awards, it is hard to keep track of em’ all. The Heisman, of course, is the most famous. It goes to the player voted most outstanding. There are also the Outland Trophy, Fred Biletnekoff Award, Maxwell Award, Walter Camp Award, Doak Walker Award, Davey O’Brien Award, Rimington Trophy, …etc., etc. etc. 24 major awards in all.

That’s more good will going around than you’d find down at the Elks Club during the holidays.

I’m proposing a few more…to recognize some of the bottom dwellers whose antics were like Joe Theismann’s leg… painful to watch.

The Pink Sport Coat Award goes to the Big East, aka the Big Least, for being stood up at the dance. All the purty schools are gone, leaving the league with ugly pugs like East Carolina to fill the void. Yuk.

Speaking of that, Rutgers wins the One Flew Over the Cukoo’s Nest Award for joining the Big Ten and actually thinking they can compete. The Big Ten get access to the New York market and an easy scheduled win for their major programs. Rutgers gets an ass whuppin.’ After all, they used to play Penn State regularly and went 2-22 against them, with one of the 2 wins coming back in 1918. Now they get to play Ohio State and Michigan. It’s gonna hurt.

Just ask Mizzou how the SEC felt this year when they got a big ol’ can of whup-ass opened up on them every week. Sometimes it’s better to stay where you were.

Bo Pellini wins the Massingale Award for being such a douche. And just for being Bo Pellini.

The Cinco de Mayo Award goes to Ohio State for winning the battle but losing the war as the Buckeyes manage to go undefeated in a probation season, thus not being able to play for the National Championship or in a bowl.

TCU garnered the coveted Cheech and Chong Award for having five, count em five, starters suspended from the team for pot and booze related incidents. Whoa… heavy, dude.

And no….we’re not giving anything to Penn State.

This week all you Matt heads who can, should head down to one of the best sports spectacles going; the annual Army/Navy game. If you’ve never had a chance live, go do it. It’s a unique atmosphere and tradition and something that should be on every fans bucket list.

Mules kick tough but the Midshipmen wear them down… Navy 26, Army 19.

What search for “Army cheerleaders” pulled up.

State High School Football Championships also continue in many places… Up in CT, undefeated Naugatuck Valley League champ Ansonia is in the class S state finals against undefeated North Branford and are favored to win. A crowd of over 10,000 is expected.

Down here in Texas, we are in round 4 (of six) of the playoffs. Attendance at last week’s round 3 Euless vs. Southlake Carrol game (won by Southlake) was over 40,000. Wow.

But then, 25% of the current NFL starting QB’s played their high school ball in Texas, so the level of competition, and entertainment value, are pretty dang good.

See ya at the game.

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Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker’s Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.

  • buffalobilly84

    Nice asses. But why is the Red Army in blue and gold?

    • doc diz

      maybe becasue its mother russia now

  • AngryWard

    If our army had cheerleaders like those we would have whipped the North Vietnamese.

    • doc diz

      so you’re sayin’ our cheerleaders would have provided us with the proverbial happy ending?

  • Uncle Sam should use those cheerleaders in recruiting propaganda. I’d love to be in a fox hole anytime and anywhere with one or all of them.

  • ToughGuy5

    No way the give the defensive guy the Heisman. And Theeseman changed the pronunciation of his name to Thighsman, so he’s as much of a douche as Bo.

    • AngryWard

      Glad you brought up the point about Thiesmann and the name pronunciation change. Yes, quite douchey.

  • It’s looking like it’s going to be Johnny Football! We agree with Toughie, they won’t give it to a defensive player… GO RED ARMY!

  • Go Red Army. They should stop marketing the Heisman as the best player in College Football because it is the best offensive player that wins it. It is like the league MVP award in the Pros, that rarely goes to a defensive player.

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