Manti Te’o A-Go-Go: Manti Ain’t Sandusky

My girl is 2nd from right.

My Internet girl is 2nd from right.

SOUTH BEND, IN – I have something in common with Manti Te’O. I also had a girlfriend I met on the Internet. By the time it was over, I kinda wished one of us was dead. Here’s to you, Miss Louisiana.

Reading about the whole Te’o girlfriend situation reminded me that if you move the letters around, LDS becomes…LSD. Because you either have to be a religious fanatic or trippin’ to believe the load of crap coming out of Notre Dame regarding the leukemia victim who…didn’t exist.

Funniest thing in the whole enchilada, however, is the press. None of the esteemed members of the fourth estate decided to do any fact checking on the story of the young girl’s tragic death. You’d a thunk that someone would have checked on her existence before this, given that when people die they leave a pretty good public trail behind (like a death certificate). No obituary. No death notice. No nothing.

You would thing that in a day and age where the average young woman has about a bazillion pictures of herself on various social media sites, that the paucity of any photographic evidence of her existence might have set off a few alarms.

Screen shot 2013-01-19 at 6.39.53 AMTurns out the only pix they had, and one that was utilized repeatedly, was from some other woman who was unaware it was being utilized as such. Because your average 19 or 20 year old only has only one picture of themselves on the web.

But nope,  the press swallowed the whole story lock, stock and barrel because it just sounded so dang good. “Boo Hoo: Dead Granny Followed By Dead Girlfriend.” What a tear-jerker.

Makes one wonder what else the press has not checked on. Perhaps that global warming stuff is just a big ol’ hoax also. Like weapons of mass destruction. You should also read this about the questioning of Manti’s sexuality and his supposed pal and mastermind of the scam, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.

The Duck stops here!

The Duck stops here!

In other college football news, Oregon coach Chip Kelly said he was sticking with the Ducks, given his loyalty to the program and all that jazz. He said he wasn’t going to coach the Philadelphia Eagles. Nope. No way. Nada. Not gonna happen. Then he changed his mind, reminding us once again that if you want a demonstration of loyalty, get a dog. If you want a demonstration of truthfulness, talk to a kindergarten kid. But don’t expect either from any of the so-called leaders in our society; Senators, CEO’s, head coaches, priests, ministers. They’re all lying sacks of sham who would double-cross their grandma’s to get ahead.

So… Philly gets a new coach and the kids who signed a scholarship to play under Kelly at Oregon get…uh…nothing. Who cares if they were brought in under false pretenses. Welcome to the big time, suckers.

Given Kelly’s penchant for athletic quarterbacks that can run and throw the ball around in his high scoring offense, there has been much speculation that the Eagles will now draft Geno Smith out of West “by God” Virginia as their top pick. This might add greater weight to the argument that Geno’s makes better cheesesteaks than Pat’s, a crucial Philly debate. After all, if the QB is named Geno, then the cheesesteaks must be better, right?

Sandusky Manti leiGeno Steaks might not digest too well with Michel Vick; a running, gunning QB who would seem to fit Kelly’s mold. But hey, he can always go back to dog-breeding if the QB thing does not work out.

Or get himself an Internet girlfriend.

Hey, at least Manti ain’t Sandusky. See ya at the game.

Cheesy Bruin, tomorrow.

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Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker’s Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.

  • T-Mac

    Why would the press find it necessary to dig up pictures of the girl? Maybe they were leaving somebody mourning alone for once.

    • Good question but with all the networks and Notre Dame milking it, you’d think someone would want to post some pix that were fresh. Heck, we even check out people’s FB page for photos – only after not finding anything on the web.

    • Doc Diz

      The press was leavig someone alone when a loved one died? Give me a break; They sure ain’t leaving the poor folks from Newtown alone. And they did run was just the wrong girl. They never decided to fact check anything on this. Which is why no one believes them about anything anymore. Never should, however…the press has a long history of peddaling bullcrap including important stuff like swallowing McCarthy’s bunk and promulgating it in the 50’s, Tonkin Gulf, weapons of mass destruction, the spanish american war, etc., etc. No different in the sports world…bunch of crap, recycled continuously. Facts, schmacks…we don’t need no stinkin’ facts. Jsut run with the story.

      • buffalobilly84

        Be careful or they will all start digging things up on you.

        • Doc Diz

          I am as pure as the driven slush.

  • We said it before that we were waiting for something to come out about Notre Dame. But we figured it would be another Father McFeely story… This, though, if it’s the worst thing about this program, should have the faculty Leprechauns doing cartwheels of joy all over campus… We’re talking about guy’s flaw being that he lied about a girlfriend?! Jiminey Crickets – it’s in a males DNA to lie about a girlfriend – especially ones that don’t exist! We lie about girlfriends all the time. As Dr. Diz’s timely and solid piece put it – Manti ain’t Sandusky. Hell, he’s not even Lancey Bicycle.

    • RD476

      Deadspin brings up another good point today about how Manti “didn’t think to go to the hospital” to see his dying girlfriend. I get what you’re saying but this guy is full of shit – and for no reason. He already had everything.

  • AngryWard

    Every man should have a fake internet girlfriend, just to keep the real women in their lives on their toes. This man is visionary. In other news, Al Pacino is going to play Joe Paterno in the movie “Happy Valley.” Hoo Ahhh! I’d go to see that just for the unintentional comedy. No word on who will play Sandusky. If Leslie Nielsen were still alive he would have been a slam dunk. The producers should just call it a day and tab Brian Dennehy already.

    • Cam_James

      Agreed on the needing the fake girlfriend. I guess that doll wasn’t suck a bad purchase now that this has come to light.

    • John Goodman as Sandusky?

    • Te’o is just guiltyof being naive. The fact that he is Mormon is proof of that.

  • Earl Weaver and Stan Musial passing on the same day IS worth crying about.

  • Chip Kelly is doing the Pete Carroll and running before the NCAA cops come in. The Pac 12 need to study the SEC and how they run their plantation system free of the NCAA cops getting involved.

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