Super Sports Babe Lori Levine on Super Baugh, Wes Welker’s Wife & Colin Pumpernickel


Lori Levine-photoNEW YORK, NY –  I’m pretty sure that almost every story in sports right now has to do with Lance Armstrong, Mante Te’O, or the Super Bowl and since my imagination has been halted by New York’s 9 degree weather, I figured I’d jump on that. Plus, the most interesting story in sports right now is definitely having two brothers as opposing head coaches to the opposing teams in this Big Game – aka the Super Buagh. (These are the dumb things I invent when I haven’t even seen a bikini in over a month).

wes-welker anna-burns Meet_The_MattsSo there’s that and the fact that this is Ray Lewis’ last year and game. Some, such as Wes Welker’s wife, whose best day was winning Miss Hooter’s International for carrying Buffalo Wings, see Lewis as a bad role model. You know, with his murder and aggravated-assault charges.  But I see him as a legend and a leader. And isn’t killing 2 people at a club almost seen as an ACL tear nowadays?  I personally don’t care much about his Obstruction of Justice felony – I am just still sore that he won MVP of the 2001 Super Bowl against the Giants, which was the Ravens’ only Super Bowl win.

The thing that interested me about these Harbaugh brothers is that younger brother Jim is extremely fertile. With six kids he’s clawing away at Antonio Cromartie’s record.  We know he played at Michigan and then played pro ball for the Bears, Colts Ravens and that handshakes are not his strong point.  Meanwhile, Ravens Coach and older brother of 15 months, John, has spawned only one child.  He played college ball at the University of Miami (Ohio), and worked for Eagles coaches, Ray Rhodes and Andy Reid.  Both brothers wear a baseball cap like a 19-year old-frat pledge.

The other great story with this Super Bowl, is 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick who just popped up on the scene like a track mark on Lance Armstrong’s arm.  He filled in for hurt starter QB, Alex Smith and went on to set records for rushing yards.  Plus, the Cubs wanted to sign Kaepernick as a pitcher in 2009.  How is it that the 49ers have better pitching than the Boston Red Sox?

colin-kaepernick 4th grade note Meet_The_Matts

Goodell-picAnother interesting Super Bowl topic will be that you have a better chance of being welcomed there if your name was Katrina, or if you worked for BP, than if you’re Roger Goodell.  Roger will have to pull a Bill Belichick (one that hasn’t taped a lockerroom and therefore hasn’t won a championship since 2004) for the week, and stay away from media.

Although, the game will be interesting, especially with Vegas giving Baltimore 5, I cannot help but wish it were the Manning brothers getting all this Super Bowl attention.

Comment below and tune in tomorrow to see if Ray Lewis is allowed on Cookie’s Corner.

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About the Author ()

Lori Levine is one of those people who should always be in a bikini. Don't be fooled by the fact that Howard Stern voted her his Hottest Fan, though. Her "degenerate dad" raised her at the track in New Jersey and watching the Yankees, NY Giants, NY Rangers and Knicks. She knows sports better than 99.9% of us and she's a wise-ass with the brain to make it all work.
  • Lori… thank you for providing some good reading on this frigid day. I am feeling a bit better prepped for the Harbaugh Bowl, even if i’m still scared about this supposed ‘Chicken Wing Shortage.’

    As for the bikini… you can put a bikini on.. no matter what the temps! Just think warm thoughts, or flip someone off. I’ll show ya tomorrow.

    • lori levine

      haha, that fired me up.

      • Yankee Joe

        Me Cookie baby and Lori girl in vat of wings , yeah I’m hungry!!

  • AngryWard

    The weird thing about that Kaepernick 4th Grade essay is that I wrote a similar one in 4th Grade amazingly predicting the rise of the internet and the fact that I would one day be working either for this site or Deadspin. Oh Fortuna, blind, heedless Godess, I am strapped to your wheel.

    • Should we change our name to Mattspin? And our very own Rex O’Rourke would be the perfect Ignatius Riley. (A-Dubya quoted “A Confederacy of Dunces).

    • Ronald Reagan

      I used to read that all the time. See, I kept forgetting.

  • DannyBax

    All this bikini and hooter talk has me warm! But give me some wings too. haha

    • lori levine

      I want to sit in a vat of buffalo wings!

      • Lori… you’re BRILLIANT! I’ll be sitting RIGHT next to you.. unless Diff Matt is there… then I’ll be sitting next to him, and you’ll be on the other side of him.

        • Diff

          I’d pay good money for that

          • For you Diff? Free. Just bring us some beer to go with the wings. Right Lori?

  • Camtavious James

    When i was in 4th grade i gave up on football. Thanks Tony Banks!

    • AngryWard

      You should thank him. He saved you from a life of repetetive head trauma. If not for Tony Banks you could be walking around right now not knowing where you are or who you are… kinda like Junoir on a Friday night.

  • SentFromMyBlackBerryWireless
    • Not in this economy!!! God Damn it!

      • bufffalobilly84

        Everybody loves Buffalo wings now? Lori has to come up here to the Queen City!

  • You really need to copyright Super Baugh. Pronto.

  • I had forgotten that since spygate the Pats have yet to win a title, interesting. I wonder why that is.

    • Because ultimately, New York is for lovers and Boston is for losers.

    • Cam_James

      I want their title against the Rams revoked.

  • Big Fat Toad

    Harbaugh had an 0-5 run as the Chargers QB at the end too. And I’d nail Wes Welker just to get to his wife.

    • The Public Professor is behind us on that line, Big Fat Toad… Not the Wes line – the wife line.

  • Lori, you’ve managed to make Buffalo Wings sexy, so we blame you for the price spike. As for phrases – you definitely nailed Super Baugh but some bigger entity will take credit for it and then crush us like grapes when we challenge them… That doesn’t diminish your genius, though. Hell no!

    As for Colin Pumpernickel, his 4th grade note is no worse than what half the MTM Contributors submit 20 minutes before their midnight publishing deadline. Yeah, we went there…

    Cheesy Bruin & Grote2DMax: IN YOUR FACE. 4-3 Rangers. And overtime points on the road are like kissing your sister. So take that “point” and stick it in your assachusetts.

    • As for the staff writes, my momma always said, you get what you paid for!!

      • Ronald Reagan

        There’s ambition.

    • Hey, when you’re on the road playing “King” Henrik (yawn) and go down two goals early and gain a point that’s called a good night. MacQuaid caught Boyle with a right fist to the puss, also.

  • Diff

    That Red Sox line made me laugh heartily.

  • I hope the 4th grade Colin didn’t pay for that haircut. Holy sh!t, did Stevie Wonder become a barber or what?

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