Can A Magic Johnson Stick It To San Fran & MLB


johnson-greinkeHOLLYWOOD, CA – The MLB soap opera ended after the courts and the McCourts ended their marriage and team ownership woes. Two billion dollars and and new ownership later, the Magic Honeymoon begins for the Los Angles Dodgers of Brooklyn and their fans. But for how long? Their relationship is built on money – indeed the most expensive divorce in California history hatched it – and we all know too well how big-money relationships can come crashing down. So, despite paying 2 billion dollars for a team that cost 400 million in 2004 and then shelling out a king’s ransom for half the Red Sox and rest of the league, can a Magic Johnson stick it to San Fran Fran and the rest of Major League Baseball?

Go West, Young Man: Do you think Horace Greeley had 25-year-old Korean left-handed pitcher Ryun Hyun-Jin in mind when he uttered those famous words? Ryu Hyun-Jin and Horace Greeley Meet_The_MattsProbably not. And Horace would likely have had a heart attack had he witnessed the Brooklyn Traitors paying $25.7 million just to negotiate with Ryu before giving him 36 million reasons to come west. Did we mention the kid hasn’t thrown a pitch in the majors and that he’s Kim Jong-un’s first cousin? Google it. Magic’s wand will be tested here.

Zach Grienke is a guy we’re rooting for, actually. He has struggled with some demons and has apparently bested them like he does hitters, most of the time. But one has to question whether Los Angeles is the right town for a guy battling some issues. It ain’t Kansas, Zach. Stay away from any Magic potions.

As far a baseball names go, Skip Schumaker is as solid as they come. But Skip Cobbler may have tickled the fancy of regular commenter, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – London’s own magic Johnson. From a baseball standpoint, though, this guy is solid – great off the bench and it’s a strong possibility Cam James is home sticking pins in a Cardinals effigy of him right now.

mattingly and art howe Meet_The_MattsSpeaking of angry MTM contributors, Angry Ward can not be too happy with the Dodgers stealing Brandon League from his Mariners. This kid could be the next Éric Gagné if he puts on some specs and sprinkles a little Magic HGH on his breakfast cereal, after all Mark McGwire is now a Dodger coach.

Red Sox to Blue Socks… The trio of Mexican American Adrian Gonzalez, beer-swigging fire-baller Josh Beckett and walking injury-calamity Carl Crawford are the keys to this team. Will they drag the team down and sink the manager like they did in Boston or will they play for a Terry Francona type guy in Hollywood?

Which brings us to… The  West Coast Craig Dodgers of Los Angles will only go as far as Donnie Baseball can carry them on his balky back… Wait, he’s only been in the playoffs once – and lost. Ruh-roh. Don Mattingly may be this year’s Bobby Valentine or Ozzie Guillen – just in an Art Howe kind of way.

Cheesy Bruin, defrosted, tomorrow.

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  • DannyBax

    Mattingly will be the first casualty if they suck. It’s always the manager first, unless it’s the Yanks – they usually ax the hitting coach first.

    • Meet The Matts

      The Dodgers are looking for a Chuck Long as we speak!

  • AngryWard

    I can’t look at Art Howe without thinking of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. The Dodgers can have Brandon League… he was starting to stink like 5-day-old fish at Pike Market. Is it too early to have a drink?

    • vinny from brooklyn

      art howe was better then jerry manuel. that guy had players.

      • Meet The Matts

        Jerry Manuel was not as bad as he was…. That’s something Jerry would say – about himself.

    • Meet The Matts

      It’s 5 O’Clock someplace and are you saying League is out of his league?

  • AngryWard

    It looks like they did a nuclear test on Kim Jong Un’s cuz. If that cat partakes of the bacon dogs outside Chavez Ravine he’ll be tits up within a fortnight.

  • AngryWard

    How can we be here making jokes when thousands were injured in the sneak Siberian meteor attack? How?

    • Meet The Matts

      The damage is $300,000,000… We fart 300 mil at the craps table!

      • AngryWard

        I once got kicked out of the Flamingo Hilton for farting at the craps table, which I thought was uncalled for. I mean it is a craps table.

  • bosoxbruins04

    I am actually looking forward to a drama free season with the Sox. They may not be in the playoffs but they should be good in 2014. But I think Beckett will bounce back in a big way.

    • Meet The Matts

      Bobby V is the most entertaining manager in baseball. Bar none!

      • AngryWard

        I just ate a Bar None and had a Becks. Huzzah!

  • AngryWard

    Horace Greely used PEDs. Just look at him.

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