Grote’s Gripes: Ain’t My Cross To Bear: Crosses In Sports


kris krosATLANTA, GA – Big wins last night for the Rangers and my Bruins. I hope we get to see them play each other in the next round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Even though I’m not a pro basketball fan, I have to admit that NYC is much more lively when the Knicks and Rangers are hosting playoff games. A Knicks-Heat series at the same time as a Rangers-Bruins series would be insane.

Last week the music world lost another one of the greats when Kris Kross singer Chris Kelly succumbed to the affects of a of speedball (heroin and cocaine). He joins a list of speedball casualties that includes John Belushi, Chris Farley, River Phoenix and Lowell George. Oddly enough, a couple of ex-baseball players also died using speedballs: Eric Show and Ken Caminiti.

The unfortunate part for Kelly is he might have survived if he wasn’t trying to live up to his recording persona. Reports indicated paramedics spent 20 minutes trying to revive him before realizing they weren’t doing chest compressions but actually giving him a back massage. The moral of the story? Don’t wear your pants backwards, especially if you are going to do a potentially lethal amount of drugs.

christopher crossIn sports we have the crosscheck in hockey, the crossbar in football and hockey, the crossing pattern in football, Holy Cross in college, Motor Cross in racing and these fine gentlemen who happen to be named Cross.

Irv Cross – The original token sportscaster was also an NFL player for the Eagles and Rams in the 60’s. He was a staple in the 1970’s on The NFL Today on CBS. This show really knew how to stir the pot. Hard drinking Brent Musburger supplied the booze, Jimmy ‘The Greek’ Snyder provided the off-color commentary, former Miss America Phyllis George supplied the T&A and Irv Cross provided the diversity. Like Kris Kross, this whole crew was a lot of fun, even if they were ass-backwards.

Randy Cross – He was a hero in San Francisco for anchoring the line that won three Super Bowls in the 80’s. Thinking about it a little more, maybe he was a hero in San Francisco because he allowed Joe Montana to rub his ass game after game and even looked like he enjoyed it.  That hard count will make ya Jump, Jump.


This Kid Had Supernatural Powers

Howard Cross – His playing career on the New York Giants spanned three decades, equaling the number of catches he had in the 90’s. Now I believe he is a crossing guard somewhere in New Jersey. I always wanted him to get kicked out of a game so he could get a nice sponsorship deal with Toss Across.

Stay tuned here, diagonally tomorrow when Angry Ward gives strategic pointers on how to play Connect Four.

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About the Author ()

Grote2DMax (aka Kevin McGrory) is another of our Bronx-raised, urban white trash writers. Having grown up with Angry Ward, Cheesy Bruin, The Public Professor, JG Clancy (Mattville’s Otis of Mayberry) and Tall Matt. What’s really odd about him, however, is that he and Tall Matt both liked the NFL Rams and MLB Mets?! Bouncing twin boys, Matt & Matt, have forced him to hang up his keyboard to keep his lovely bride from socking him – and us – in the nose… but he still tosses a gem every now and then and can be seen on Twitter – @Grote2DMax. We’re luck to have him.

  • MartyStein9er

    Remember Bulls/Knicks and Knicks/Indiana when Rangers were good?

    • Grote2Dmax

      The Knicks-Rockets finals following the Rangers-Canucks Cup in ’94 was the most exciting sports stretch I can recall.

      • Sam’s-A-Fan

        I’m still angry at Dick Ebersol and NBC for cutting away from game 4 for the OJ Bronco chase.

    • And Spike Lee.

  • AngryWard

    That chest compression/back massage line cracked me up. Perhaps we can visit with some of those speedball casualties on Crossing Over with John Edwards.

    • Sam’s-A-Fan

      Great line, and great idea on the John Edwards angle.

    • I’m stunned Angry Ward didn’t say something about the omission of the sport, sailing and Christopher Cross.

    • Top-shelf Grote2DMax, right there!

  • Don’t forget “Two X” beer…in some cultures they call it Double Cross beer.

    • Grote2Dmax

      As seen on TV. Go isles. Fluery as shaky as I predicted.

      • This is odd… found ourselves rooting for the Isles… Or was it against the Pens?!

  • Grote2Dmax

    No help for Harvey tonight. The kid might be the best in the game right now.

  • vinny from brooklyn

    reyes makes that play at short and keeps the perfect game.

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