Grote’s Gripes: Offensive Foul. Best Offensive Team Names

Chief Zee

Offensive Team Names: This is not Chief Black Thunder

WASHINGTON, DC – Last night was a pretty big night in the sports world with the Heat getting the victory in Game 7 over the pesky Pacers to reach the NBA finals.  My Bruins also crushed the Penguins 6-1 to go up two – love in their best of 7 series.  An absolutely dominating performance in Pittsburgh.  Let’s go B’s.

Last week, the sports world was forced to deal with another naming controversy when 10 members of Congress urged the Washington Redskins to consider changing its nickname due to its potential offensiveness among Native American groups.  Never mind that the name “Redskins” were used by Native American’s to describe themselves back in the 19th century.  Chief Black Thunder of the Meskwaki and the Omaha chief Big Elk both used the term in speeches they gave as a way of describing their people.  Black Thunder would be a great name for a team or for a horse for that matter.  But I digress.

St. John’s University bowed down to similar pressure years ago when they changed their name from the Redmen to the Red StormWhen was the last time they were relevant?  Also the Washington Bullets changed their name to the Wizards under similar pressure.  When was the last time they were relevant?  Get the picture.  Name change equals obscurity.  Whatever happened to that Cassius Clay guy or Lew Alcindor for that matter.  Oh well.

I think if you look at most sports teams they can be offensive to somebody.  How about the Notre Dame Fighting Irish?  They have a leprechaun as their mascot for Christ’s sake, but no one complains.  Why should they, the Irish can be drunken buffoons and we know it.

Here are my cases in point in the four major sports leagues.  The teams are listed first and who they are offensive to is listed after.


Surf’s Up

Yankees: Southerners and anyone not a Yankee fan.

Pirates, Vikings, Raiders, Buccaneers: People opposed to raping and pillaging.

Hurricanes: Millions of storm victims and their families.

Indians, Braves, Chiefs, Blackhawks: Casino owners.

Bears: Fat, hairy gay men.

Lightning: Roy Sullivan (who was struck by lightning seven times and survived).

Heat: Al Gore and the damn global warming crowd.

Padres, Saints, Cardinals: Non Catholics.

Devils, Angels: Atheists.

Reds: Non communists.

Sharks: Thousand of shark bite victims including that poor one-armed surfer girl.

Royals, Kings: Commoners.

Avalanche: Skiers and snowboarders.

Giants fan chased1238571Giants: Short people.

Brewers: Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

Chargers, Bills: Shopaholics.

Magic, Wizards: People harassed and tortured by members of the occult.

Blazers: Casual Friday proponents.

Warriors: Peace loving people everywhere.

Suns: Melanoma victims.

Oilers: Environmentalists.

Athletics: Couch potatoes.

Mets: Fans of good baseball.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a man who is easily offended and easily offends, Angry Ward.









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About the Author ()

Grote2DMax (aka Kevin McGrory) is another of our Bronx-raised, urban white trash writers. Having grown up with Angry Ward, Cheesy Bruin, The Public Professor, JG Clancy (Mattville's Otis of Mayberry) and Tall Matt. What's really odd about him, however, is that he and Tall Matt both liked the NFL Rams and MLB Mets?! Bouncing twin boys, Matt & Matt, have forced him to hang up his keyboard to keep his lovely bride from socking him - and us - in the nose... but he still tosses a gem every now and then and can be seen on Twitter - @Grote2DMax. We're luck to have him.
  • AngryWard

    Great stuff, Grote. Your least offensive column in quite some time. I’m sure if Benedict Arnold were still alive he’d be quite offended by the Patriots.

    • Grote2Dmax

      RIP Deacon Jones. He certainly was not politically correct.

      • AngryWard

        Brilliantly subtle.

        • You can have the Big Box or what’s Behind The Green Door!

  • Cheesybruin

    Silversmiths can’t help but feel left out with the Nuggets and Niners nicknames. Hawaii Rainbows- heterosexuals? White Sox and Red Sox- Robert Griffin iii?

    • Different Matt

      Great job by the B’s so far. The Penguins will need to score 8 goals per game to win with either Red Light Vokoun or El Matador Fleury in net. And with the way the bruins have shut down Crosby so far, that doesn’t seem likely.

      • Grote2Dmax

        I hope it continues. Things look good for the B’s and the Rangers don’t look so bad now.

        • We saw about 2 minutes of the game. It was 4-1 Boston and somebody plastered Krug behind the net on the boards. YAWN.

  • Different Matt

    Black Thunder was my wrestling name.

  • buffalobilly84

    How about Buffalo offending anyone named William?

  • STANDING OVATION!!! This is so good it’s offensive! And great googly moogly, can’t anyone insult anyone anymore?!

  • WestCoastCraig

    The Rays could be included in the Suns category…tho they only became relevant after they dropped the “Devil,” and still nobody goes to their games. You can’t please anybody.

    • Grote2Dmax

      Oh Ray you devil.

  • bosoxbruins04

    Someday they will want “Patriots” revoked! haha… Go B’s!

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