Pinstripe Prayers And Are Yankee Fans Like Heat Fans?


Pinstripe Prayers

NEW YORK, NY - Remember the good old days, when Ohio wasn’t known for kidnaps and murders, and Rolling Stone Magazine didn’t put a terrorist on their cover, and the Yankees were a great team? Their ranking is now comparable to Aaron Hernandez’s Wonderlic Test score. Don’t get me wrong, I still live and bleed pinstripes and my father just spent $900 to frame a Derek Jeter 3000 hits painting he won; but, it’s frustrating to watch a team with so much magic and talent fail.

Watching this Red Sox game, as CC Sabathia pitches on his 33rd birthday, has brought me to truly acknowledge the awfulness of this Yankees season. sabathiaIn fact, I’m pretty sure Egypt is having a better season. Losing a game when you have 7 runs and in Boston, is as frustrating to watching your 3rd baseman tan himself and use Twitter, while eating away at the Yankees payroll.

I hope for 2 things, one being no traffic on the Garden State Parkway and secondly, that as you read this, A-Rod will have been suspended just as Ryan Braun was. Watching A-Rod not perform, while using much of this $230 million payroll, feels like I’m being taken on a Korean Airline. This past Sunday was the final day of Rodriguez’s 20-day rehab assignment. Since he is not being reinstated to the Major Leagues, the Yanks would have to petition MLB for him to participate in the minor leagues under terms of the Collective Bargaining Agreement. This is ironic because I’m pretty sure the Yankees are a Triple A team right now.

A-Rod & Torrie_Wilson Meet_The_MattsI’m sorry to sound bitter, or worse, like a Miami Heat fan; but the Yankees are currently being more recognized for MRI’s than hits. Hopefully, they’ll come through… as they have so many times before. In the meantime, I will move my focus to Robinson Cano and Brett Gardner and Brian Cashman to hopefully add payroll, and dream of a Yankees post season.

Different Matt, tomorrow.

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About the Author ()

Lori Levine is one of those people who should always be in a bikini. Don't be fooled by the fact that Howard Stern voted her his Hottest Fan, though. Her "degenerate dad" raised her at the track in New Jersey and watching the Yankees, NY Giants, NY Rangers and Knicks. She knows sports better than 99.9% of us and she's a wise-ass with the brain to make it all work.
  • Yankee Joe


    • Amy2ndRow

      Too much coffee? lol

      • Meet The Matts

        Too much of something or not enough of something else… Either way, we’re glad to see YJ out of his STD (Stankee Team Doldrums) funk… But we’re even happier to have Lori chiming in!

    • Cookies Corner

      Newsflash: Too cold today to be naked.

      • Glory Hole Fan

        More reason for sexy time!

  • MarkR

    “Egypt is having a better season.” Instant classic… P.s… Are you really from Stern and Glory Hole?

    • Lori Levine

      Yep, I am :)

      • Meet The Matts

        Hmmm… [Whistle]. [Howl]

      • Big Fat Toad

        And you know sports. Hot.

    • Meet The Matts

      Agreed. Sublime line.

  • FakeSandyAlderson

    Steinbrenner was from Cleveland. ARod (with the help of Hal Steinbrenner) has taken the Yankee payroll hostage and Suzyn Waldman is definitely a terrorist, so maybe these are the good ol’ days. It’s funny to hear Yankee fans in such disbelief and pain. An entire generation of Yankee fans (since ’95) has now been completely spoiled and now feel entitled to annual postseason visits. Growing up I despised everything about the Pinstripes. The players with the notable exception of ARod aren’t really as detestable any more. My hatred for the Yankees is now driven largely by the Fans, Mike Francessa, and Michael Kay-whose voice makes me want to smash him in the face with a picture of his fake marriage of convenienece with my ex, Jodi Applegate-who was more ethnic back in high school (Jodi Applebaum)

    • Lori Levine


      • Meet The Matts

        FSA, you’ve just opened up a world of column possibilities, perhaps more suited for, about changing stage names so as not to be too ethnic… Jerry Rivers did this in reverse once he started making “frog you” money. You now now him as Geraldo Rivera… And how about d’bag Joe Thiesman. His name is actually pronounced “Theese-man” but he changed it while vying for the Heisman.

      • FakeSandyAlderson

        Interesting? That’s it? I gave you my heart and you give me a pen?

  • WestCoastCraig

    $900 for framing? I hope that painting wasn’t by Leroi Neiman.

  • Cam Purcell
  • Mets Guy

    Did C.C. get his birth certificate from El Duque? 33 + 6. You have a nice pooper tho! ;-)

  • Junoir Blaber

    Yankees, forever suck!!

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