Bronx Bomb: Uber Sports Babe Lori Levine on Crucifixion of Alex Rodriquez, Jay Cutler, Jets Fans

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Lori Levine

Muscular Blond Lori Levine

BRONX, NY  – Sometimes I miss the days when the worst part about the Bronx was not being able to walk around at night if you have a vagina. And now, I’d kill for that to be the largest hurdle. Nowadays, the Bronx is being littered with The Crucifixion of Alex Rodriquez. Similar to Lehman Brothers trying to dump bad mortgages, the Yankees want to unload a third baseman; as he is surely becoming more toxic than Rob Gronkowskis toilet seat, or even worse, he’s what Ted Cruz has become to the Republican Party.

Alex_Rodriguez crucifiedMy emotions are mixed on this situation. I remember how excited I was when it was confirmed that the shortstop was to play 3rd base for the Yankees. And, his freshman year with the Yankees was everything Yankees fans wanted, with 36 home runs and a few more with overly muscular blonds. But there was also all the baggage. Publicly cheating on his wife with Madonna, kissing mirrors in GQ spreads that may have been more awkward than Jenna Jameson’s Good Day New York interview, and then those visits to Biogenesis. Plus, he couldn’t stay healthy. He became the Jay Cutler of the Yankees. In fact, I’m pretty sure general manager Brian Cashman could have signed Dick Cheney or even Stephen Hawking at a lower price point, and they would have been healthier. Plus, for a team that has a ‘no facial hair’ policy to keep their guys looking professional, he’s sure pushing the envelop.

Right now we’re at def-con 5. While fighting his 211-game suspension by MLB, his lawyers supposedly have a whistle-blower that wants to speak to the notion that MLB has conducted an A-Rod witch-hunt. There are even news clips of protesters outside MLB offices supporting Rodriguez… or am I confusing those clips with footage of the Dominican Parade?

Let’s face it. A-Rod is a tear in the Yankees ACL and more disliked than the Jets fan that punches a woman in the face – or just Jets fans in general.

Don’t miss another hottie tomorrow – at Cookie’s Corner.

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About the Author ()

Lori Levine is one of those people who should always be in a bikini. Don't be fooled by the fact that Howard Stern voted her his Hottest Fan, though. Her "degenerate dad" raised her at the track in New Jersey and watching the Yankees, NY Giants, NY Rangers and Knicks. She knows sports better than 99.9% of us and she's a wise-ass with the brain to make it all work.
  • SentFromMyBlackberryWireless

    Kurt Paschke, Jets fan who allegedly punched female Patriots supporter, did time for stab slay

    Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/male-jets-fan-questioned-allegedly-punching-female-pats-fan-article-1.1491864#ixzz2idpkGZ6I

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Stay classy, East Rutherford!

  • AngryWard

    Lori, that first paragraph was so good, management printed it twice. Though I hasten to point out that Short Matt has never had a problem walking around the Bronx with his vagina. Anyway, also glad you brought up the Jets fan incident. Love that his mom went on the offensive on behalf of her baby drunken brute. That footage is all you need to know about the NFL and its policies. Fans get absolutely wasted at tailgate parties starting at 10 am and earlier then continue to get pie-eyed well into the third quarter. But there’s no way NFL owners will eliminate tailgating. They know that if they do fans will start staying home in droves. I know, because the tailgate party I attend is one of the only reasons I’ll be going to Giants/Seattle in mid-December. Finally, Jets fans suck.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Isn’t tailgating technically illegal at Giants Air Conditioner Stadium? And who’s been hitting the sauce and seeing double, A-Dubya?

      • AngryWard

        No, it isn’t illegal, technically or otherwise. Also, technically speaking, shouldn’t you technically be taking some of your contributors out for their annual booze fest at Bourbon Street soon? Technically?

        • Cookies Corner

          WORD.

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    MLB will look inept – or more inept – over this whole A-Rod thing. He’s going to get 50 games or less… And how come we have to deal with during the World Series?

  • Cheesybruin

    Spot on with A-Rod’s penchant for women muscular enough to arm wrestle an ape.

    • WestCoastCraig

      I bet he was inspired to do steroids by his childhood posters of Zap from the old American Gladiators!

  • Junoir Blaber

    1) Gronk is a Mutha-Fracking legend!! I wanna party with him and his brows!!
    2) I walk around the Boogie Down, everyday its more than safe for women. Just don’t make eye contact and in a hurry.
    3) Normally I would be appalled at a man punching a woman but she was a Pats fan, so I am betting she was incredibly obnoxious, therefore she had it coming.

  • WestCoastCraig

    Stephen Hawking’s bat does have a big bang or two left in it.

    • Different Matt

      But would it kill him to run out a ground ball once in awhile.

      • WestCoastCraig

        That’s because he knows the basepaths are expanding.

        • Amy2ndRow

          Really?! Harsh!!! lol

  • bosoxbruins04

    I thank the Ghost of Babe Ruth everyday that A-Rod stayed with the Yankees.

  • AngryWard

    RIP Bill Mazer, the only local sportscaster I can remember giving a complete hockey scoreboard every night. That and, of course, the viewer trivia questions John Roland would ask him.

    • Timmy Tebow

      Rumor has it that the Rams are upset about Mazer passing because he was second on the list after Brett Favre.

  • jgclancy

    Yep…Yank fans rejoiced to have a known juicer/cheater join the team.Kinda like those clap happy Cardinal fans cheering every homer for McGwire knowing full well the power came from a little bottle of “juice”. Reeks of NCAA level hypocrisy!
    Anyway…on to more important things. Thinking tacos for dinner. Oh, whio won the ballgame last night.I was playing poker with my back to the big tv screen LOL

  • Bart Giamatti Fan

    If you are going to cheat in baseball, do it the way that they have been doing it for a century: doctor the baseball! Jon Lester had some goop in his glove, won the game and gave baseball fans everywhere some good old-fashioned intrigue and dram. He instantly made this Fall Classic, interesting. The Boston Red Sox are now villains and the St Louis Cardinals will be the martyrs. This is how it should be when you’re cheating in baseball. Hopefully we’ll get a corked bat out of this one before it’s over!

  • Cookies Corner

    Well done, as usual Lori. I NEVER wanted A-Rod. EVER.
    That Hawking/Cheney observation is spot on.
    Finally.. your rack looks fantastic… as always.

    Hugs… Cook

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