BRONX, NY – Sometimes I miss the days when the worst part about the Bronx was not being able to walk around at night if you have a vagina. And now, I’d kill for that to be the largest hurdle. Nowadays, the Bronx is being littered with The Crucifixion of Alex Rodriquez. Similar to Lehman Brothers trying to dump bad mortgages, the Yankees want to unload a third baseman; as he is surely becoming more toxic than Rob Gronkowski’s toilet seat, or even worse, he’s what Ted Cruz has become to the Republican Party.
My emotions are mixed on this situation. I remember how excited I was when it was confirmed that the shortstop was to play 3rd base for the Yankees. And, his freshman year with the Yankees was everything Yankees fans wanted, with 36 home runs and a few more with overly muscular blonds. But there was also all the baggage. Publicly cheating on his wife with Madonna, kissing mirrors in GQ spreads that may have been more awkward than Jenna Jameson’s Good Day New York interview, and then those visits to Biogenesis. Plus, he couldn’t stay healthy. He became the Jay Cutler of the Yankees. In fact, I’m pretty sure general manager Brian Cashman could have signed Dick Cheney or even Stephen Hawking at a lower price point, and they would have been healthier. Plus, for a team that has a ‘no facial hair’ policy to keep their guys looking professional, he’s sure pushing the envelop.
Right now we’re at def-con 5. While fighting his 211-game suspension by MLB, his lawyers supposedly have a whistle-blower that wants to speak to the notion that MLB has conducted an A-Rod witch-hunt. There are even news clips of protesters outside MLB offices supporting Rodriguez… or am I confusing those clips with footage of the Dominican Parade?
Let’s face it. A-Rod is a tear in the Yankees ACL and more disliked than the Jets fan that punches a woman in the face – or just Jets fans in general.
Don’t miss another hottie tomorrow – at Cookie’s Corner.
Filed in: Lori Levine