Cookie’s Corner: Hannukah Harry Sports and Celeb Wish List

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Chris_Farley Rob_Ford Meet_The_MattsNEW YORK, NY – Here we are… just days away from Thanksgiving.  Floats are getting blown, turkeys are getting stuffed and Black Friday tramplefests will be here quicker than you can say tryptophan. And this year, me and my fellow MOT’s (Sam’s-A-Fan, Lori Levine, Fake Sandyholla!) are getting a very special double-shot (mmm… whiskey) holiday with Hanukkah coming on the heels of Thanksgiving. And I’m taking the chance to kick of the holiday season – gentile style – with my sports and Hanukkah Harry Sports and Celeb Wish List. Here we go:

1) A second, heaping, helping of the Mayor Ford/Chris Farley mash up. The disgraced, fat, crack-smoking Mayor Rob Ford seems to be separated at birth from Farley.  Big ups to our very own West Coast Craig for bringing this to my attention. Also, a note of caution that while crack IS wack, you won’t necessarily get skinny from smoking it.

Cookie shows true colors

Cookie & Cano: new colors?

2) NO MAS on the Kanye West/Kim Kardashian business. Isn’t it BAD enough they’ve procreated? Isn’t it EVIL enough that there’s going to be millions spent on ANOTHER Kim Kardashian wedding? Isn’t it INJUSTICE enough that these two are paid OODLES for – uh… I’ don’t know why – while Average Joes like you and me work in the salt mines for our basics?  And alas, this week there was a video that Kanye put out that was apparently so horrible and cheesy, that people thought it a spoof. So it INFECTED the intrawebs, blinding people from here to KIMbucktu.  No. We won’t be viewing it here.

3) It’d be nice if Robinson Cano stayed a Yankee and Phil Hughes was a Met. I think I’ll be 1 for 2 on those and I’m fine with it as long as it’s Phil “A-Dead-Arm-Is-A-Nice-Way-For-Saying-You-Can’t-Pitch” Hughes is gone. Robbie has some big cojones. sidling up with Jay Z and asking for a ten-year, $300 Million contract. More PATHETIC than that is the Mets thinking they’d have some sort of shot at him.  With WHAT?!  Wilpon’s Coupons to the outfield Shake Shack ain’t a bonus.

nypost_20131119_2_068_C_24) In advance of the 2014 Winter Olympics, I make this plea: Enough shots, speculation and talk about Lindsay Vonn and Tiger Woods. It’s bad enough we got media coverage of them on the sidelines at an NFL game last week.

5) While we’re at it…. cancel winter. I prefer to be in a bikini anyway.

6) GIMME, GIMME, GIMME my longstanding Red Sox player wish and put Jacoby Ellsbury in my Yankee outfield. Do it. Do it NOW. I’ve wanted this since he’s been out in that big Fenway Field.. and held on that he’d still be worth it after riding the bench injured the other year. Get him in pinstripes.  Make a girl happy.

And with that I’m outta here.  Come on back tomorrow for the sage wit of Fake Sandy Alderson (aka Al Sternberg).

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About the Author ()

Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.
  • Flushing Flash

    Brian McCann gets signed by the Yankees and it’s almost like no news at all. The Mets would have a parade if they signed him – then charge admission to the parade. And you know Ellsbury will end up in pinstipes, too.

    • Cookies Corner

      Flushing Flash.. I’d like to note that I wrote this on Thursday in advance of the McCann signing.. but that was a good one. I can’t wait to see Jacoby in pinstripes, I can’t believe Giants fans suffered that game in the arctic cold, and I can’t believe the Broncos gave that game away.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Eli would have beaten the Pats. He always does. Peyton choked.

        • Cookies Corner

          Eli couldn’t beat his meat if Ron Jeremy gave him lessons and a warehouse full of lubricant.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      FF: You are unfortunately correct in your assessment. It’s a Tale of Two Boroughs and they are light years apart in the “How To Win” department. Ironic that the Mets and and Astoria are in Queens, because they are a Greek tragedy.

    • Yankee Joe

      Flushing Flush thats what WINNERS DO!! Not MUTTS!!!!

  • bosoxbruins04

    I almost feel like we owe you Ellsbury after my Pats stole the classic from your Broncos last night.. almost! :)

    • Cookies Corner

      Lucky for me bosoxbruins, I went to sleep at halftime. I went to sleep feeling like ‘this is pretty secure.. I think.’ Woke up.. and… f*CK!!!

      • amy2ndrow

        Serves your right for not being a Giants fan! lol

        • Cookies Corner

          amy2ndrow… welcome!!! And well… I’m a native New Yorker and was never die hard about a football team (despite being raised in a house where my brother LOVED the Cowboys), so I was forced (by Angry Ward) to pick a non-NY team. The Broncs were it. The next year.. they won the Super Bowl.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      David Tyree and Mario Manningham say hello.

  • AngryWard

    I can’t, for the life of me, figure out where Cano will end up. It’s clear that he’s not going to get anything near 10 years and $300 million. And if the Dodgers don’t get involved he’s really in trouble.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Don’t rule out the Tigers. They dumped Prince Vegan and have some extra [pizza] dough to throw around. Kinsler can go to third or the outfield. We got this info from a prevaricating source far from the organisation (Canadian spelling)..

  • Sam’s-A-MOT

    Wednesday night, Vodka/Latke party. Thursday, Thanksgiving, football and the double shot of whiskey Cookie has approved for her Landsmen. What have I got to be thankful for? Being a member of any club that has both Cookie and Lori Levine in it is a damn good start!

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      And we’re thankful for fans like you, S.A.M.!

      • SAF

        I think that you’re sincere simply because you’re grateful to have anyone click on MtM.

        • jgclancy

          Click

    • Cookies Corner

      Thanks Sam!! You said vodka, latkes, and whiskey.. yet i’ve no idea where to report for these things Wed/Thursday. Do tell!!

    • FakeSandyAlderson

      And while we’re at it…wishing much nachas to New Tigers manager Brad Ausmus. The Mets took that meeting so Sandy could get Beyoncé’s autograph for his great granddaughter. And how come Brian Wilson would have to have the beard to join the Yankees, but that small child on the side of Beltran’s ear gets to stay?

  • WestCoastCraig

    Big ups to you for taking the Monday slot this week, Cooks! How are the Mets going to afford Cano if they can hardly pay Reuben Tejada? Ellsbury would be nice…but it may end up being Beltran. Now all those mole jokes will be on us.

    Condolences on the Broncs. True fans, those New Englanders, rewarded for staying in negative degrees until after midnight.

    • Cookies Corner

      The Mets in the running for Cano is a colossal joke. Everyone knows they don’t have that kind of cash to pony up. (And lucky for them, because a 10 year contract at his age is pretty dumb.)

      I am PRAYING for Ellsbury. I’d be BESIDE myself if he was FINALLY a Yankee. If it’s Beltran, I’m gonna be a little bummed. We really don’t need to go with a marquis outfielder who is pretty much teetering right over the other side of prime.

      The New Englanders are used to that kind of cold.. so that’s no big. I give it to the Giants fans. It was BRUTAL out there at the Frigidaire Stadium yesterday, and they stayed… and suffered an ugly game.. then a comeback… only for the Gints D to collapse and completely blow it to the tune of a completely lost season and the gloating of insufferable Cowboys fans. Yesterday was a horror movie for the Giants fans.

  • Junoir Blaber

    We can’t get enough of Rob Ford!! God Bless Canada!

  • Cheesybruin

    Ahhh, nary a whisper about the Giants loss to the Cowboys. I love the smell of victory in the morning.
    How long before Mayor Ford is…”living in a van down by the river”!

    • MartyStein9er

      Tony Romo is a 8-8 quarterback. The Cowgirls will not win the division! haha

      • Cheesybruin

        That’s fine by me. At least the ‘Boys beat the Giants twice.

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