Cookie’s [Salty] Corner: Five Reasons To Hate The Fall for Sports Fans

Pam Anderson Meet_The_Matts

Five Reasons To Hate The Fall: Pam’s Pained Pumpkins

NEW YORK, NY – If you knew anything about my relationship with my childhood friend, Angry Ward, you’d realize that with the alcohol tolerance that guy has, it CAN’T be built just on boozin.’  See, this Cookie has a salty side. And the start of this dank, dark season has me grumpy. So, here are my Five Reasons To Hate The Fall for Sports Fans:

5)  Pumpkin Pukefest:  While you might think of pumpkins in terms of  Pamela Anderson’s gourds bouncing through 26.2 miles of the NYC Marathon, I’m talking about the orange kind.  And not even the REAL kind. I’m talking about all the fake, pumpkin-flavored CRAP that bombards us this season. Trust me, I LOVE pumpkin, but it’s a bit of an overload.

4) Mid Season Football:  My Broncos (7-1 coming off a bye week.. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE) have been doing great and we’ll see how they fare against Grote2DMax’s San Diego Chargers on Sunday, so you’d think I was happy.  Kinda… but what I’m getting at is the trash talk. The trash talk has simmered down by mid season. We’re left to accept that Cheatin’ Tom Brady and the Pats will be contenders again this year (to make it far and then choke.. we hope), we’re trying not to get TOO excited about a team like the Kansas City Chiefs with a 9-0 record (as we will likely get disappointed with their post-season choke), and an as usual crappy team like the Dallas Cowboys sit atop the NFC East with a record that’s BARELY above .500. Ho hum.  These are the days when everyone simmers down and holds their breath.  It’s boring.. the GAMES can be exciting.. but otherwise… boring.

NY_Mets Rheingold_Clock Meet_The_Matts3) Daylight Savings Time:  As long as I’ve been around, I’ve never thought this was a good idea. In addition to the annoyance of having to change clocks that are long since without instructional manuals; coffee maker, oven, microwave (Guys – ask your women about these things. They’re in a place called the kitchen), I HATE that it gets so dark so early.  Do I need to feel like I’m ready to go to bed at 4:30?!?!?  Fl*ck no.  I’m no newlywed and Short Matt wants his column by 5P… so this DARK- at-4PM thing doesn’t do a GOD DAMN thing for me.

2) Baseball Off Season Deals:  They drag on.  This Robinson Cano circus and everyone’s two cents on it is making me nauseous and I don’t need to hear it about Derek Jeter getting a one-year deal at $12Million – to basically play his last game at some point next season… when he’s not injured. I’d like A-Rod hang and I can’t wait for Phil Hughes to get dealt.  Oh, and apparently the Boston Red Sox won the World Series in a pretty boring fashion – save the ‘controversial‘ ump calls and Big Papi’s bat. And I guess there was some parade in Boston, and at some point the Sox had/will have a beard-shaving party.  Ho hum.

1) Basketball is back, Bikini Season is gone and, as always, there are not enough Baby Ruths in the Halloween haul.

And with that… I’m outta here. Come on back tomorrow for a happier column from… Cam James - if he’s a team player.

Share Button

Filed in: Cookie's Corner
Tagged with:

About the Author ()

Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.
  • buffalobilly84

    That Mets clock and the Mets haven’t been good since Rheingold went out of biz! And Pamela is still better than any of the women up here!

  • Cam James

    Cam James column on a Saturday? Now that’s just ludicrous. Ill write a column on Sunday if I can get a MTM press pass for the broncos game. If not I will headed back to the Apple this evening and thus unable to contribute while traveling.

    That being said I just want to shout it to the world after last nights PAC 12 embarrassment.


    • Cookies Corner

      just so ya know, Cam. That last bit about you being a team player was a management add. You showed up at Belmont.. I know you’re a team player.

      Dang. That’d be something if you got to the Broncos game. GO BRONCOS!

    • RugbyWrapUp

      They don’t allow for writing on the plane in your country? That’s horrible!

    • Meet The Matts

      Toughen up, Cam! You’re telling Cookie you’re too busy?! She types on her bike while cooking for her brood and volunteering after swimming three miles – and that’s just her morning! Don’t make us call Dick Icognito!!!

      • Cookies Corner

        Shhh! Matts… please don’t give away my training secrets!!!

  • SAF

    Did Pam Anderson reduce her gourds?

    • Meet The Matts

      SAF: Perhaps you could stick your green thumb into this and see just how Ms. Anderson’s gourdan grows?

      • SAF


    • Cookies Corner

      I’d say no. I would think that she had a serious sports bra on for the marathon.. which smashed those things down. You don’t want that kind of unruliness taxing you on a long race…. so i’ve heard.

      • AngryWard

        I had the same initial thought as Sam vis a vis Pam’s top shelf and then quickly came to the same conclusion as Cookie. Those things got mashed down with a serious delirious sports boulder retaining wall.

  • Cheesybruin

    Doesn’t DST make people want to drink more? I’ve found myself popping a couple of tops (no, not Pamela’s) much, MUCH earlier than usual. Not such a bad thing, and my sleep has been much sounder.

  • WestCoastCraig

    our coffee clock is still flashing from when we took it out of the box.

    • SAF

      The danger there is the eternal 12:00 flashing on and off may preclude you from realizing that it is most certainly cocktail time somewhere.

  • AngryWard

    Wait a minute… our relationship isn’t just based on boozing??? I don’t know what to believe anymore. Cookie, have you seen that movie “Rushmore”?

  • Junoir Blaber

    I have never had a Rheingold so I may have to try it.

Back to Top