Fat Bart & The Flushing Farces: No… Really!

Bartolo Colon Suspended

Fat Bart & The Flushing Farces

ORLANDO, FL – It’s gotten as surreal as it possibly could for fans of the New York Mets.  PED pitcher Bartolo Colon, who was suspended from baseball, is bringing his infamy to Queens. The Bartster was suspended 50 games for failing a performance-enhancing drug test late in the 2012 season. But in Sandy Alderson’s eyes, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that this over-40 disgrace went 18-6 last year, warranting a 2-year, 20 million dollar contract for a lying, cheating, ancient fat bastard who is a urine test away from the MLB hoosegow.  This Bart’s for you, Mets fans! Better get your tickets now for 2014 because Fat Bart & The Flushing Farces will be something to see!  is too much too take and this crime against humanity cannot and will not go quietly into the night on our watch.

Fat Bart joins a distinct list of broken-down, old Latino ballplayers that have robbed ridiculously high paychecks, way-too-late in their careers, from the Farces. Moises, El Duque, Livan, Roberto Hernandez… They’re still giggling about it. But you know who’s not giggling? Us. And we’ve got 20 million reasons why. That cash could have gone for position players. It could have gone for a cache of decent relievers. It could have kept R.A. Dickey – the last decent human being to want to stay here – as a Met. And he’s two years younger than this Fat Cheating Bastard. Wait, check that. He’s probably 8 years younger than than Black Barty.

20 Million Dollars… Think about that. This is from a Management Team that has been preaching, …doing it the right way,” for 4+ years. So, after an abysmal 4 years of talking a big game for 2014, Mets fans get Curtis Granderson, Chris Young and Bartolo Colon.

imagesOkay. We’re exhaling. Maybe there’s something big coming. Maybe this is just the beginning… There better be. Because if there ain’t, we will turn and it will be ugly. Consider yourselves warned, Fred, Jeff and SandyWe’re mad as hell and we’re not gonna take it any more.

Oh, and did we mention that we’ll start handing out bumper stickers with your 2014 Campaign Slogan:
Fat Bart & The Flushing Farces: No… Really!

Cookie’s Corner tomorrow.

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  • M Donald Grant

    What a joke this team is. I am not renewing my tix. A bigger joke then the Jets, Nets & Knicks.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      It’s Omar Minaya II.

  • Cookies Corner

    I swear I nearly flew off the treadmill when I saw this on the news this morning.
    Too bad they didn’t do the Mets fan focus group with Angry Ward AFTER this had happened.

  • Randy Levine

    Hot tub heating up.

  • Cheesybruin

    Aside from the moral dilemma with the Fat Bart signing, if he eats up innings the way he gobbles up holiday Pernil and Chicharron this can turn out to be a smart stop gap addition. 2014 is the more important year of the two year contract provided Harvey is on schedule for 2015. Phil Hughes at $8M per for three years a better solution? I don’t know but the Mets could have done worse which is a step in the right direction.

  • Different Matt

    A two yeah contract for a 40 year old cheat seems silly. But as Cheesy said, if he eats up innings until your young pitchers get back then this will be a good placeholder. But he’s gotta keep his piss clean.

  • FakeSandyAlderson

    While this isn’t a terrible baseball signing-given Bart’s recent success, it does beg the question of what the hell Sandy is doing with all of that alleged stockpile of minor league starting pitchers? He won’t promote and use it and he won’t trade it. If he showed some balls and added at least one of those young guys for the rotation, that $20M could ha ve been spent thusly:
    They could have cut Ike and Duda, since they’re both useless. They could have signed Corey Hart; traded Montero, Niese for Erick Aybar. So their Infield in 2014 for less than the cost of Fat Bart could have been…
    SS-Aybar (and leadoff hitter)

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      We beg to differ. This is a TERRIBLE baseball signing.

  • AngryWard

    Colon was cheating way back when he was on the Yankees. MLB was supposedly investigating his all-of-a-sudden revitalized career after seeing some witch doctor in the DR and then nothing ever came of it. He got busted much later. Mets fans better hope he’s back in the DR getting further revitalized. Whatever the case, it’s anybody’s call whether Colon wrests the all-time ugliest Met crown from Butch Huskey’s giant head this year.

  • WS Electra

    Mets really stole this one signing the Semi-Colon. They outbid themselves and no one else. Now if he becomes a full Colon, then that’s where the issue came with his positive PED test. Maybe he will turn into a nice Cologne for the Mets . Who wouldn’t want someone wearing Colon Cologne in your clubhouse??

    • DannyBax

      That is funny!

  • FakeSandyAlderson

    The sanctimonious Anti-PED people better take a look at the 3 managers who just got voted in to the Hall. LaRussa’s teams were propelled by McGwire, Canseco, Spiezio, etc. Torre won big on the backs of A-Rod, Knoblauch, Curtis, Tino, etc. And Bobby Cox beat the shit out of his wife. So the ugliness of the PED scourge has far reaching tentacles.

  • Junoir Blaber

    First you complain Sandy is not spending now that he is, you still complain. This is the darkest era of NY Sports in a long time. The Jets and Rangers are the only hope of Playoffs and a championship. That say it all.

    • FakeSandyAlderson

      I don’t think the Colon signing was a bad baseball decision at all. The rotation is strong. They should still be spending more though. An $85M payroll for a New York team is criminal.

  • Dude

    i am not one of the sanctimonious anti-ped people, so as long as he is still on whatever witch doctor formula and he eats some innings and doesn’t get busted i’m fine with this signing. stop being hypocritical. the last good met team in ’06 was riddled with PED’s. get off your high horses. he’s a fat bastard but get some batters out and i’m fine. it would be nice to get some more position players though.

    • Tall Matt

      Yeah. Fat bastard.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Dude, you have sold out!

  • jgclancy


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