NEW YORK, NY – Well, another year, another festival of lights pissed away. And while people were calling it Thanksgivingkkuh and all sorts of things, I had my mom’s stuffing (with bacon in it), lit the Hanukkah candles and was pretty much sick for most of the nights of Hanukkah, coughing so much I threw my damn back out… But here’s a few things in the latest Hanukkah Harry Sports News that made me feel quite well.. chipper in fact!
A Clean Plate: Francisco Cervelli did not exactly pan out for the Yankees. And while I can’t say I closely followed Brian McCann, I like the numbers, so I like the signing and fingers crossed… it’ll be some solid consistency and strength (both on the field and in the clubhouse) that they’ve not seen since Jorge left. So, “Hip, Hip, Mc…” you get the idea… for that signing.
My Fantasy In Pinstripes: For YEARS… I’ve dreamed of… Jacoby Ellsbury… in pinstripes. Yeah, since before he got injured and missed a whole damn season. Even then, I still loved him. I check his contract status and bide my time waiting. And now… he’s a Yankee! I. CAN. NOT. CONTAIN. MY. FROGGING. EXCITEMENT!!
BUT WAIT! There’s more!
“PHIL HUGHES SIGNS 3-YEAR, $24 MILLION DEAL WITH TWINS.”
Today, as my back pain subsided, a certain [immediately above] headline ended the long-standing Yankee pain in my neck. Jesus. I think I peed my pants in excitement when I read that. Thursday brought us this gem and I can’t tell you how ELATED I am. Drinks are on me, kids. Myself, Different Matt and other long-suffering Yankee fans rejoiced at this. I hated Hughes from early on. I gave him a year or two (seems like dog years now) and then??? I saw enough. I know a SH*T arm when I see one. Yet, the Yankee doctors needed MRI’s to fabricate a diagnosis a two-year old must’ve dreamed up: “DEAD ARM.” Folks, dead arm is GM-speak for “He Can’t Frogging Pitch But We’re P*ssies That Won’t Admit It.”
So, as the last day of Hanukkah wrapped up on Wednesday, the lights went out and so too did Phil Hughes from my life. Journey forth, you overpaid $8 Million Man. And to Hal and Hank Steinbrenner for the trades so far… thanks a latke.
That’s it for me, comment below and come back tomorrow for the Bible-quoting, Bronx-raised West Ghanaian, Junoir Blaber.
Filed in: Cookie's Corner