Cookie’s Corner: Thank Jesus for Hanukkah Harry Sports News!

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Hanukkah Harry Sports News

NEW YORK, NY – Well, another year, another festival of lights pissed away.  And while people were calling it Thanksgivingkkuh and all sorts of things, I had my mom’s stuffing (with bacon in it), lit the Hanukkah candles and was pretty much sick for most of the nights of Hanukkah, coughing so much I threw my damn back out… But here’s a few things in the latest Hanukkah Harry Sports News that made me feel quite well.. chipper in fact!

A Clean Plate:  Francisco Cervelli did not exactly pan out for the Yankees.  And while I can’t say I closely followed Brian McCann, I like the numbers, so I like the signing and fingers crossed… it’ll be some solid consistency and strength (both on the field and in the clubhouse) that they’ve not seen since Jorge left.  So,  “Hip, Hip, Mc…” you get the idea… for that signing.

My Fantasy In Pinstripes: For YEARS… I’ve dreamed of… Jacoby Ellsburyin pinstripes. Yeah, since before he got injured and missed a whole damn season. Even then, I still loved him. I check his contract status and bide my time waiting. And now… he’s a Yankee! I. CAN. NOT. CONTAIN. MY. FROGGING. EXCITEMENT!!

BUT WAIT! There’s more!

Pavano Hughes Pelfrey Meet_The_Matts
PHIL HUGHES SIGNS 3-YEAR, $24 MILLION DEAL WITH TWINS.

Today, as my back pain subsided, a certain [immediately above] headline ended the long-standing Yankee pain in my neck. Jesus. I think I peed my pants in excitement when I read that. Thursday brought us this gem and I can’t tell you how ELATED I am.  Drinks are on me, kids. Myself, Different Matt and other long-suffering Yankee fans rejoiced at this. I hated Hughes from early on. I gave him a year or two (seems like dog years now) and then??? I saw enough. I know a SH*T arm when I see one. Yet, the Yankee doctors needed MRI’s to fabricate a diagnosis a two-year old must’ve dreamed up:DEAD ARM.”  Folks, dead arm is GM-speak for “He Can’t Frogging Pitch But We’re P*ssies That Won’t Admit It.

So, as the last day of Hanukkah wrapped up on Wednesday, the lights went out and so too did Phil Hughes from my life. Journey forth, you overpaid $8 Million Man.  And to Hal and Hank Steinbrenner for the trades so far… thanks a latke.

That’s it for me, comment below and come back tomorrow for the Bible-quoting, Bronx-raised West Ghanaian, Junoir Blaber.

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About the Author ()

Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.
  • Alan Smithee

    The reason so many people hate the Yankees and you Yankee fans is because you use terms like long-suffering. That’s bullshit.

    • Cookies Corner

      Two points to note Alan: 80′s, Bob Lemon. That’s suffering enough. Granted…blah blah Red Sox (until the ‘curse’ was cracked) and Mets. I will give it to the Cubbies tho. Perhaps its a different brand of suffering, but to each his own.

      I find it suffering when your team loses because of pitching and wins despite it, as has been the Yankees’ pattern years and years now. I also find having ARod, suffering. Watching Phil Hughes step on the mound.. at all… and for a circus of different attempts (as starter, in bullpen, as middle relief), was incredible suffering in my book. I wanted to gouge my eyes out EVERY. TIME.

      • Big Fat Toad

        You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. #SpoiledBiatch.

        • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

          She’s a tad “affected” from having lived in upper-class Connecticut for so long, Toad. Forgive her.

          • Cookies Corner

            Are you SERIOUS Matts? You can take a girl out of Washington Heights, but you can’t take the Washington Heights out of the girl. Don’t test me… I’ll withhold cookies.

      • Dude

        long suffering and yankee fan cannot go together… sorry bob lemon won a world series in 78 and the ’80s teams were perennial 2nd place finishers. glad your ellsbury predictions came true can’t wait to hear what idiotic phrase sterling will use when he hits one out… er to the track that is… SUZYN!!!!

        • AngryWard

          Yeah, I never understood your problem with Bob Lemon. He managed the 1978 champs (the year they beat Boston in a playoff) and took them to the 81 series as well. Not bad at all.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Al, we’ll let the MTM Censors know that you’re emotions got the best of you and that your “French” should be pardoned – just this once. We guise expletives here. In this case we’d likely use “sh!t” or “sh*t” – that way anyone under 18 wouldn’t get the “adult” reference. But you are right, it is bullshit. Completely and utterly so.

      • jgclancy

        It’s MtM.

        • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

          How about mTm?

          • jgclancy

            Nyet

          • AngryWard

            Click

        • Randy Levine

          Poke

    • Sam’s-in-Therapy

      While I dig the Alan Smithee moniker, I have to say that every true sports fan that sincerely follows a team is long suffering no matter the teams possible above average success. That is simply the nature of love and disappointment. We experience it in all of our love relations starting with our parents and siblings and continuing on to our significant others and children (if you’re lucky enough to have them).

      • WestCoastCraig

        Sam’s-a-Philosopher!

        • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

          More like Al Campanis’ lawyer.

  • Cookies Corner

    I’d also like to mention my deep sadness at the passing of Nelson Mandela. (Column was penned in advance of his death.) I am hopeful that perhaps Junoir might pen a really great and fitting column paying homage to and the well known Mandela/Rugby (‘Invictus’) connection. Truly a great story involving truly a great man.

    • Randy Levine

      Why Junoir? Because he’s black? Tsk. Tsk.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Cookie, Cookie, Cookie…

        • Cookies Corner

          Are you guys KIDDING me?!?!? Junoir is BLACK?!?!

      • SAF

        My friend Cookie very clearly stated that it is the rugby connection that suggested to her Junior’s possible interest.

        • Cookies Corner

          Exactly Clancy. Thank you. And notice I brushed people’s lack of reading comprehension off with a joke instead of going postal. Funny when someone complains about quotation marks yet can’t really read too well.

          • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

            SAF, Jimmy The Greek called… said to stop trying to be his lawyer.

    • Junoir Blaber

      So I am black and I play rugby. No wonder you married a Geeermmaan!! So the black is to catch the rall and run fast and then talk about another black because we are both from Africa. I mean Africa is just a continent and Mandela was only important to rugby and never did anything else right? It is all becoming very clear why you support a team whose logo is a white horse and another whose letters show a minority white print dominating a dark blue background. Ze family name is Steinbrenner! German, no!!?! It is all very clear. I will take a moment to discuss Madiba because he is a great human being and statesman that happened to be black and like rugby!!

      • Cookies Corner

        My husband was born in New Jersey to a Polish mother and a DUTCH father. I’m half Puerto Rican and half Jewish with nearly all my Bubbe’s siblings wiped out in the Holocaust. But.. you found me out. I’m really a racist and that’s why I like the Yankees and the white horse team.

        I took the time this morning, as I had nothing else to do (sarcasm font) and note Mandela’s passing (because otherwise.. someone would have shit all over me not having ‘mentioned it’ in my column) and noted particularly, as this is a F*CKING ‘Sports and Comedy Site’ that the RUGBY OFFICIONADO might be a great person to pen a column linking a historic occasion in the history of RUGBY WORLD CUPS which also involved said historic figure.

        But no.. carry on.

        • Junoir Blaber

          I get no credit for the jumping to conclusions and conspiracy theory to connect the dots. That hurts most of all. I thought that was some of my best work of fiction and it goes unrecognized!

          • Cookie

            You’ve been writing for this and the Rugby site long enough…you ain’t used to that yet Blaber?!?

          • Walter White

            The guilty are always the most defensive.

        • Grinding Ax

          Is it possible to be half a Jew? Last time I checked, it was a religion,not a destination. ( tongue in cheek)

  • Cheesybruin

    By today’s baseball economic standards, $8 Mil per for Hughes’ services is a bargain. I get the feeling he’ll have an A.J. Burnett-like experience away from NY.

    Nothing like sour cream and applesauce on a latke, Cookie!

    • Cookies Corner

      That is true Cheesy. But really.. it’s hard to wrap your head around someone paying $8Million for that.

      You are correct. Sour cream and applesauce on a latke. DEEELISH!! (But separately.. not together.)

  • AngryWard

    Yeah, Jorge was a real rock in the clubhouse. Like the time he got benched and took it like a man. Oh yeah, he didn’t.

    • Cookies Corner

      Enjoy overpaying for Robinson Cano. Maybe Jay-Z and Beyonce will hold a big concert at the Mariners What-Have-You in his honor.

      • WestCoastCraig

        I bet it was the legal Washington weed that pushed it over the top.

        • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

          Claudell Washington???

      • AngryWard

        I have very mixed emotions about the Mariners getting Cano. I think it’s way too much money and would never have given him anything in excess of eight years. Even though they need offense in the worst way (seriously, you have no idea, they make the Mets lineup look like Murderers Row) I see Cano getting even lazier out in the Pacific Northwest and eventually eating himself out of the game. That being said, I am thrilled the Yankees no longer have him. That infield isn’t scaring anyone, except Joe Girardi maybe.

        • Ronald Reagan

          Cano will start smoking weed and get fat on mocha coffees. He will be a fat, lazy…

        • Cookies Corner

          MIXED EMOTIONS?!?!? They just paid $240 over 10 years for Cano. How are you not PISSED about that?!?! That’s retarded. Glad to see the Yanks didn’t get bullied into that bad deal. GOOD RIDDANCE you child disser, Cano!

          • AngryWard

            Hey, it’s not my money, what do I care? I think it’s pretty stupid but the Yanks have been doing crap like that for years and it is kinda funny to see someone do it to them. Seriously, who is playing in that infield next year? Jeter? Tex? Who else?

          • Cookies Corner

            In your second sentence.. who is the ‘someone do it to them?’
            The Mariners? If they wanted Cano.. the Yanks would’ve ponied up for him. They didn’t want him. Not for that and free Jay Z tickets. You have fun with that. Hope the Mariners were well lubed when they got stuck.

          • WestCoastCraig

            Is Cano your new Bob Lemon?

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Oh. Snap.

    • Cookies Corner

      Because none of the Mariners or Mets ever acted out of line. (Enter the Paul O’Neil/Gatorate cooler comments. How predictable… like rainbow sprinkles.)

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    The Grandy Man Can!!! But the Mariners Cano! Start printing playoff tickets, Mets fans! Our savior is here!!!

    • jgclancy

      Mets get Granderson Yanks get Ellsbury Mariners get Cano
      I’m sticking with my belief that any star collegiate fast pitch softball lesbian would have been a better deal for a million a year at any of these positions.
      Anyway, USA gets World Cup draw in Group G with Germany,Portugal and Ghana….gonna be tough
      And it’s not because Junoir is black but he’s a bit hairy too :)

      • AngryWard

        That Group is a killer, it’s Ghana be tough for Sam’s Army to advance. (See what I did there?)

        • jgclancy

          And if you’d come just a li’l closer I’m a Ghana smack ya for that one :)

        • Cookies Corner

          Also a killer group ‘Star Collegiate Fast Pitch Softball Lesbians.’ If they hadn’t made it a John Vartavoss store (which I’d piss in), they’d have rocked CBGB’s.

  • SentFromMyBlackberryWireless

    Thank Harry for this letter from Jack Clark’s lawyer to Albert Pujols’ lawyer:
    http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/10/15/the-letter-from-jack-clarks-lawyer-to-albert-pujols-lawyer-is-something-else/

  • Johnny Rox

    Cookie Babe, Well Done!

    Keep in mind Cook, these guys who criticize are Miserable Fans of Losing Sports Teams! This Board would’ve EXPLODED had the Yankees given ANYBODY a ten year $240M deal! I enjoyed having Cano, he’s a great player! This deal is horrendous for everybody but Him! Good for Him!

    If Cano is Secretly a Starting Pitcher, then I’d say the Yankees made a mistake! If not, GREAT DEAL! Without Pitching it doesn’t matter who’s at second, YA DON’T WIN!

    Grandy? Good for Him! Another very good player WHO DOESN’T PITCH! Glad the Mets picked Him up! Great addition to their Team! Good Luck!

    The Yankees were/are/and always will be a Team that relies on the Long Ball! However, having an Entire Team of Sluggers has proven Unsuccessful!

    I’m disappointed we had to give Ellsbury so much money, but I like the Move very much! Hughes, gimme a break! Not even worth talking about!

    We finally have a Catcher, in McCann, that ya GOTTA be thrilled with!

    Would it be great to keep everyone and just add the missing pieces? Yeah, but that’s NOT how it works! I’m a Yankee Fan, AND IM THRILLED!!! And if ya root for another Team, I’d be VERY VERY A-Scared!!!

    How ya doin?

    J…

    • Cookies Corner

      I’m doin’ GREAT Roxy baby! Glad to see you!! You hit the nails on the head there. The Ellsbury contract is a long one… but I really have wanted him to be a Yank for so long.. i am willing to overlook it.. and it’s not like an arm that you’re paying thru the nose to say that it’s gonna last 10 years.. when it never does. I am bummed to see Grandy go.. but they’ll be OK for it. It IS a good pickup for the Mets.. tho not a great move for Grandy. Same goes for Cano.. but if he’s gonna be a greedy ass, he can enjoy the rotten fish stank of the Mariners!

    • AngryWard

      Rox, I always like it when you check in, and applaud Cookie for writing something compelling enough to get so many responses. The Mariners wayyyy overpaid for Cano and gave him too many years as well. I do not like the move, but understand it from a relevance standpoint. They are team with pretty darn good pitching and no offense. Their attendance is way down. Maybe getting Cano puts some runs (any runs) on the board and asses in the seats. More importantly, maybe it makes Seattle a more attractive destination to other free agents. I still don’t know what the Yankees infield is gonna look like. Anyone?

      • jgclancy

        Some grass, nicely manicured dirt, nice white chalk lines…?

      • Cookies Corner

        It’s gonna look like Jeter in a wheelchair, with a nice, send off ceremony at the end of the year.. whether he busts a f*ckin’ hip and lands on the DL or not. Sadly, Metallica will not be playing.

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