Cookie’s Corner: 5 Excellent Reasons the Broncos Will Go to the Super Bowl

25 Comments
christie

And… the Broncos will go to the Super Bowl!

NEW YORK, NY –  This weekend is a biggie for football for some of us on this site. While we’ll all watch, myself and bosoxbruins04 have a vested interest… and then there’s that other game.  Apologies to any San Fran and Seattle fans I have not mentioned but I’m drawing a blank here… And rather than focus on my team’s Achilles Heel of a schizophrenic and sometimes narcoleptic defense, I thought I’d take a look at the 5 Excellent Reasons the Broncos Will Go to the Super Bowl.

5) Traffic Jam?! What Traffic Jam?! Barring bearing a truckload of cronuts as gifts for Governor Chris Christie, people are going to have a SERIOUSLY hard time getting into or out of Dirty Jerz for The Christinator’s created traffic jams as well as the beefed up security.  (Whatchu got Tom Brady?!  BAWSTON BAKED BEANS and a flat chested, self-inflated supermodel wife?! ) You bet any other team or Super Bowl attendee will be lacking for ways to get to Frigidaire, Giants Met Life Stadium. But. Oh. No. Not my Broncos. Lest you forget, their mascot is a HORSE.  A REAL. FL*CKING. HORSE.  And it’s WHITE.  Hear me now, Blaber?! So:
Traffic Jam + Horse +Bicycle Lane = My Team Wins Any Race to the Stadium.
And we ALL know that the early bird gets the Vince Lombardi Trophy.  NEXT!

4) No BAGS in Giants Stadium.When I went to the Giants/Cowboys “game” in December, you know – on the COLDEST DAY EVER in New York, I was told I could not carry my purse in.  MY PURSE. Pretty much any sized purse. NOT ALLOWED. What was allowed? Little, clear bags Meth Bags you could buy for a MINT inside and around the stadium.  What a racket!  Alas… no bags at the ‘Bowl either. Heck, if you’re going to the game, you might get a REALLY good pat down going through Super Bowl Security…so.. there’s that. But what does all this mean to my Broncos and their being better suited to go?!?!  Well if Gisele Bundchen can’t bring her bag to the game, then she can’t carry Tom Brady’s balls into the game for him. Advantage = BRONCOS.

MILE HIGH

West Coast Craig

3) Front Office Stud: While some smart ass on this site (insert-nominated-jokester-here) might say “Mr. Horseface Elway is the PERFECT ‘face’ for the Broncos,” I say…”Screw you,” and “Hells, yeah he is!” Denver’s VP of Football Operations would no better extend his famed sports career by holding that Lombardi Trophy as part of operations. Yeah…. I think it’d be great.

2) Peyton:  Face it. There have been naysayers. Talk of the neck. Talk of the cold. Talk of him being old. Sure. He’s won one, but he’s thirty-seven now and this might be it for the guy. He’s got tons of records as a QB and he’s goddamn talented. Not to mention – a team doesn’t get to 13-3 without a good, all-round team. Pray the defense shows up strong and pull for Peyton and the boys.  Yeah… my Broncs rallying around the Lombardi Trophy in victory is what I’m dreaming about these days.

1) Perish the Thought…  Tom Brady and the Cheatin’ Pats: But really, isn’t it just everyone here pulling for the Broncos and hoping Tom Brady, Bill (Video) Bullycheck and the Cheatin’ Pats get STUFFED?!?!  Do you want to see Tom Brady hoisting the trophy again?!?! Do you want to hear for like, eleventy-bajillion years (this number Diff Matt verified) how “Bawston is the greatest sports city in the world because we won the World Series & the Super Bowl all in one year?”  No. NO ONE wants to hear that; no one wants to see that.

tom-brady-nakedAnd with that, my case is made.  I’ll ask Angry Ward to refrain from betting, in any way on my Broncos so as not to jinx them, and I ask for your thoughts and prayers should my team not pull through this weekend, as Mr. Cookie will have a hard time pulling me out of a drunken stupor for DAYS and really.. whose gonna take care of the kids?!?!

Come on back tomorrow for our Human Traffic Jam, Junoir Blaber!

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About the Author ()

Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.
  • Craig Morton

    Making it to the Super Bowl is way better than winning it!

    • Famous Losers

      We agree!

      Signed,

      The Vikes & the Bills

      • FakeSandyAlderson

        DEWEY BEATS TRUMAN!!!

    • Time Warp Tony

      No way anyone can stop Jim Zorn!

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        Time Warp Tony – Seattle vs Denver will NOT be the AFC Championship Game… Just for your info…

        Famous Losers & Craig “Flat Ass” Morton: Welcome to Mattville!

  • AngryWard

    I’m pretty sure that God wants Seattle to win the Super Bowl.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      A-Rod wants the Seahawks???

  • bosoxbruin04

    Patriots own and ride horses, Cookie! ha ha

  • FakeSandyAlderson

    Some way, some how, Peyton Papa John Manning has made Tom Brady a sympathetic figure. The guy’s career earnings are well into the “hundreds of millions” yet he still feels compelled to run around the country with that cheesy douchy looking Tea Bagger Papa John. My money is on JJ Watt’s old college teammate

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Papa John is the worst actor since Shatner in”TJ Hooker” or Keanu Reeves in “Speed.”

      • jgclancy

        Or Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day or Jurassic Park or The Fly…well, you get the idea.
        Just had a box delivered—made out of Papa John pizza!

      • Cookies Corner

        I wouldn’t touch Papa John’s pizza with a ten foot pole.

  • jgclancy

    Need the Broncos to win to keep Cheatin’ Bellichick at zero for the last decade in Super Bowl titles.However, should the Pats win and get in who do we want to beat them. I think everyone (including God ,apparently) wants Seattle to win. If this happens I think Jim Harbaugh –3 straight NFC title games & 1 Super Bowl loss- will thenbecome the official “New Andy Reid” —oh , his poor ,poor children their fate is sealed.
    P.S.– I have now nudged ahead in my burrito tally here in San Diego.
    JGClancy -8 burritos-0

    • Cheesybruin

      Clancy, I need some information before I set an over/under on your SD-burrito consumption…how long are you staying there and how close are you to a Mexican restaurant worthy of your discerning palate?

      • jgclancy

        Haha Cheesy–I leave early Tuesday morning.This is San Diego– there are good taco shops everywhere!Thousands of them :)
        Closest one is a five minute walk.Which reminds me I haven’t had my breakfast burrito yet–always machaca!
        The tough part of handicapping this one is how many will I freeze and bring back to NYC-they count in the total!
        Go Aztecs—-#10 in the nation playing UNLV @ home on Sat. night

        • Cheesybruin

          6 1/2 by Tuesday morning (the airport doesn’t count)
          4 1/2 to be frozen for NYC

          • jgclancy

            I still have to hit In-N-Out for burgers ya know!!

  • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

    The Big Question: If it’s Bellichick vs Harbaugh, which jerk-ball do you want to lose more???

    • Cheesybruin

      Belichik.

      • jgclancy

        Easily Belichick. While Harbaugh is a jerk he’s no cheatin’ assed smug rude SOB!

    • FakeSandyAlderson

      Harbaugh

  • DJ Eberle

    As much as I like Peyton Manning and the Broncos, and I do see them making it to the Super Bowl, I just believe that with all of the injuries Denver has it’ll be to much to overcome my Super Bowl favorite, the San Fransisco 49ers. Without Ryan Clady holding down Peyton’s blind side I envision the veteran quarterback on the ground an awful lot. And with injuries in the secondary and pass rush, the 49ers air attack should dominate.

  • WestCoastCraig

    are cronuts good?

    • jgclancy

      They’re good but nothing great. Deep fried pastry dough basically. Like the $5 cupakes—over hyped fake fad….stick with really good pastries at normal prices and you’ll be happier. Just like the Donut cheeseburger…in the end it was nice to try but we really just want a normal burger.
      Go Aztecs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Junoir Blaber

    Anyone but the Pats. In the name of big fat (White) Baby Jesus I pray.

    If this was the 90s riding the white pony would be a whole other Euphemism. Are there not any black Broncos!?!

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