Worst Super Bowl Sunday Ever?

32 Comments

MILE LOW CITY - Just two days into the Year of the Horse, the Denver Broncos looked ready for the glue factory by the 12-second mark of Super Bowl XLVIII, begging the question: Was this the Worst Super Bowl Sunday Ever?

Like most Americans, I woke up yesterday morning thinking it was going to be a good day… but it started with the news that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was dead and went downhill from there. Reeling a bit from this – the dude was my age, after all – I then heard just enough snippits of Terry Bradshaw’s father dying to think that everyone was talking about Terry.

a brisket a brasket...

A brisket, a brasket…

Lord help me, the first thing that went through my mind was that he’d already had a pretty long shelf life for a football player. Bradshaw may be better known as the caricature FOX yokel these days, but that would’ve cast a pretty dark cloud over the rest of the festivities none the less… and I didn’t want to consider it. Condolences to him, but I was relieved he’s still with us and thus there was still hope it was going to be one of the great games, with so many good story lines. The most compelling of which was that I’d gotten up early and rubbed down a big 13-pound piece of Costco brisket. It was already smoking away in my big charcoal barbecue (and it wasn’t the only thing smoking all day, ahem). The day was still young and full of hope…

a bark almost as good as its bite.

A bark almost as good as its bite.

You saw the game, even if I use that term loosely. It was a throwback Super Bowl – to the days when the NFC routinely blew out teams like Denver every year – when we were accustomed to the game sucking. If you’re going to suffer a gaffe like Denver’s center Manny Ramirezanother Manny being Manny - you want to do it on the first play, when there’s lots of time to come back. Of course, you have to get a first down usually before you can get a touchdown, and the game was already more or less out of hand before they got their first one. They played like somebody had sprinkled a little crack into their super bowls. Forced to go for it on fourth down and failing right before the half meant the rare +175 no-score-in-last-two-minutes-of-the-first-half finally came through for my buddy Montana John.

By the third quarter the question was whether or not the most prolific offense ever would be shut out. By the fourth quarter the only question was whether we’d get the highest scoring or biggest blow out in Super Bowl history, though by the end both of those marks still belong to the 55-10 shellacking John Elway’s Broncos suffered in XXIV.

Within an hour this would all be gone.

Within an hour, this was gone.

The end was so anticlimactic even Richard Sherman was subdued in his post-game interviews.

Now back to my brisket. I’d never done one of these before, but managed to meticulously keep my charcoal grill around 250 degrees for some low and slow smoking with hickory chips. No mop, but I had hit it with an injector full of olive oil, apple cider vinegar and the rub I’d made (the usual paprika/cumin/salt/black, white, and cayenne pepper), pumping it up before heaving it on the cool side of the grill. I kept it fueled through the front, never opening the lid – because if you’re looking, you ain’t cooking.

After about six hours the meat was around 170 degrees, and it was time for the “Texas cheat,” wrapping it up tight in foil, then adding some more coals in there to bring the heat up. I flipped it over so the fatty side was now on the bottom – to protect it from getting too scorched. Two more hours like this. The biggest fear with the brisket is that it’s easy to dry out and become tough, but I’m happy to report complete, juicy success. This stuff fell apart under the knife, it melted in your mouth. With some cornbread and slaw, it turned the worst Super Sunday ever into one of the best. Now it’s just a few more weeks until pitchers and catchers report.

Come back tomorrow for a man that catches his own pitches, Fake Sandy Alderson/Big Al Sternberg/Suburban Matt.

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About the Author ()

West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.
  • Denver Dan

    Peyton Manning looked like a dear caught in headlights right from the missed snap. I told my wife it was over. Did you see him on the bench?

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Denver Dan! We haven’t seen you since Aspen!

  • jgclancy

    Yes, as I tell people it’s not the game or the commercials that matter — it’s all about the food.Wings, pizza,piggies,heck- a brisket! – it’s the best part of the day. :)
    No mentioning deer in the headlights please….damned deer! That’s another story.
    Football is over, baseball is still far away.Some Olympic hockey soon then March Madness but I’m tired and need a break so it’s sabbatical time for Yim.

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      A few words, Yim, for the likes of Cookie and her fellow Broncos fans?

  • AngryWard

    That brisket looks really friggin’ good. I’m putting my order in for my mid-March LA what-have-you. I hope Cookie survived that abomination of a Super Bowl. I had great box pool numbers 7 and 7 that went up in smoke the minute that safety happened. It was all downhill after that. Luckily my friend Dennis ordered some nice vittles from F&J Pine in the East Bronx. Chicken Parm and Pasta Fagiole made the game so much more palatable.

    • Cookies Corner

      On the bright side.. you knew that game was over early… so it wasn’t like having any hope that was dragged out and dashed. I did say many times before and believed that if Denver’s achilles heel… it’s defense… didn’t make a really solid showing of it, they’d be cooked.

      What was REALLY terrible was that by the time the 2nd half came around and they were scored on in the first twelve seconds, I decided to switch to a pint glass of generously poured rum and a smattering of Diet Coke. Unfortunately, my booze was also ineffective yesterday.

      And now… we’ve got another snow day here. Check in on me throughout the day.. it’s entirely possible i’ll be ready for a white jacket that buckles in the back soon.

      That brisket looked awesome. Phillip Seymour Hoffman… tragic.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        We honestly stopped watching the game – or never started, really – and watched Downton Abbey and Sherlock… Sherlock, by the way, is the best show on television.

        • WestCoastCraig

          You closet Anglophile! (and don’t spoil last night’s Sherlock!)

    • WestCoastCraig

      AW I’m eager to do it again! It’ll be a what-have-you celebration!

    • Tall Matt

      Ate at the Pine on Saturday night. Was next to god awful. God awful is fuddruckers.

      • AngryWard

        Anyone who goes to the Pine on a Saturday night gets what they deserve. Are you from around these parts?

        • Tall Matt

          Why should that affect the food? The wait yes. The food no. Next time an insufferable wait for Bronx Italian will be had at Dominick’s, which puts the Pine to shame.

          • AngryWard

            Just saying I usually avoid it like the plague on weekends. A slammed kitchen almost never translates into a good dining experience. Fair enough, let me know when you’re taking me to Dominick’s.

  • SAF

    …and the commercials sucked! Anyone want to buy an American car from Bob Dylan and his friends at Fiat/Chrysler?

    • Cookies Corner

      That Chrysler/Dylan commercial made me feel really dirty (and not in the good/naked way).

      • Cheesybruin

        The Audi ad with the dogs was outstanding.

        • Yankee Joe

          Dirty Cookie baby lets get naked!!!! Ill make you forget the SUCKOS!!!!!!!

          • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

            Behave!

      • WestCoastCraig

        How about that Ford/cancer commercial! You can’t make me make fun of your commercial and then have it turn out to be about cancer! Foul! Eff you, Ford!

        • AngryWard

          I thought the Radio Shack commercial was pretty darn good. Radio Shack? Who knew?

          • FakeSandyAlderson

            Do they still ask for your address when you buy batteries?

          • WestCoastCraig

            I just bought batteries there last week, before I knew that they knew all our favorite 80s references. The Radio Shack brand name for their batteries is very original: Enercell.

  • FakeSandyAlderson

    I think it was bad karma for Peyton coming back to bite him. After bullying bad defenses all year by throwing on every down with 30 point leads late in games just so he could get his Papa Johns TD/yards records-he was made to look not all that record-breaking by the only very good Defense they faced all year. Peyton is great obviously; but those 4th Quarter passes he threw all year were meaningless and selfish.

    • Yankee Joe

      TYPICAL MUTTS FAN LOSER RESPONSE

      • FakeSandyAlderson

        Good luck with that recent signing of Tanaka! You know what “Tanaka” translated is? K-E-I I-G-A-W-A

        • Yankee Joe

          Translate 1986 for me LOSER

          • FakeSandyAlderson

            It’s translated this way:
            The last Championship won by a New York Baseball team that was not completely fueled by steroids and sex offenders.

          • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

            Tanaka sounds a lot like TANK-A.

  • Cheesybruin

    Hey Craig, I use that same dry rub on baby back ribs and pork shoulder. F*#%ing priceless. Anybody interested in the recipe go to http://www.bbqpitmasters.com Denver got grilled low and slow also. Seattle and their fans got “baked”, if you know what I mean. I’ll invite myself for your next SB party.

    • WestCoastCraig

      Simple and elegant. I think I saw some pit masters videos when I was researching how to cook this thing…it’s got this Sam Elliot-sounding guy, I think that’s where I heard the “Texas cheat” thing! Cheesy you’ve got an open invitation.

  • Declan Yeats

    There’s full contact nation vs nation rugby that you should be watching!

  • Junoir Blaber

    Great brisket, bad game.

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