Knicks, Islanders, Mets: Blue and Orange Blues

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New York Teams awful Meet_The_Matts

5 BOROUGHS, NY – A little color association is in store for today’s column because in terms of the Knicks, Islanders & Mets, we’re singing Blue and Orange Blues

Memo to Nix Mgmt.

Memo to Nix Mgmt.

What does blue signify?
The Crips and other gang-affiliations.
-Cold, as in the blue-colored faucet in your bathroom and kitchen.
Depression, or the emotional blues.
-The sky is blue but that can be falling at times.

What about orange?
-Construction traffic signs or work, as in the filling of pot-holes all over the frogging place!
-Autumn and the fall of orange-red leaves around the scariest of all holiday… Halloween.

The Knicks, Islanders and Mets, all decked out in the state’s orange and blue, are pushing hometown fans – who like Cookie are already winter-depressed from cabin fever – one step closer to insane asylums. Across Midtown, Queens and Nassau, the blues avalanche from the cold play of the Knicks and Islanders and the 2014 Mets’ likely ugliness. The roof is caving in on these three franchises due to improper work on the field and in the respective front offices. Let’s take a look at the Treacherous Three

New York Nix: I’m going with this spelling for as long as the MSG denizens refuse to agree to winning basketball games. Carmelo Anthony is nuts if he opts to stay here to chase money rather than wins with this team on pace for 50 losses and no relief in sight due to an inept infrastructure. I’m guessing at some point Ray Felton went to use his unlicensed hand gun on his soon to be ex-wife (cuz it sounds like that bee-ahch deserved it) only to shoot and miss like one of his jump shots. Recommendation: Blow it the f*** up!

high fiveNY Islanders: Pfft. John Tavares gets injured in the Sochi Olympics and is set to miss the remainder of the season. The team is the second-worst in the NHL with him and lack the depth to reverse their fortunes this year. With a 38-year old starting goalie in Evgeny Nabokov, the Isles lead the league in goals against. Hailing from Borat’s native Kazakhstan is his claim to fame and maybe former goaltender and current team GM Garth Snow is pressed into on-ice duty. “High five!” Moving to Brooklyn in eighteen months won’t keep the team from changing uniform colors, although the organization will do the right thing with a black and white third jersey. Does Spike Lee know white guys with sticks are about to occupy Brooklyn for even more gentrification? Recommendation: Plenty of seats are available to see your favorite team visit the Mausoleum.

Vito from Do The Right Thing

Niese & Mookie???

NY Mets: Sandy Alderson thinks he has put together a 90-win team. C’mon, man! Jonathan Niese is following the Johann Santana/Mike Pelfrey ace-to-the-DL-list protocol with his latest “shoulder discomfort.” Does anybody believe the Mets veterinary board certified doctors when it comes to reading imaging and medical reports? Niese’s Hollywood look-a-like is Vito from Do The Right Thing (and Johnny Casino in Let It Ride) who watches Sal’s Famous Pizza, his father’s pizzeria, go up in flames at movie’s end. The Mets’ season goes likewise because the Wilpon/Madoff partnership produces some bad karma. Recommendation: Overall overhaul. And listen to this.

Tune in tomorrow for a man whose Dodgers (his “other” team), is doing the opposite in blue, West Coast Craig.

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A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.

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