Angry Ward Wednesday: Rory McIlroy, MLB Fantastic Four and Fitty

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Caroline Wozniacki as SerenaBronx, NY – I’m writing this column on Tuesday afternoon/evening so, for starters, get over yourself and don’t give me any guff about not writing about the Rangers/Habs game. I’m sure it will get plenty of chatter here today as is. Anyway, it was a long and eventful Memorial Day Weekend and there’s plenty to get caught up on. For starters, someone told me that there are now fewer than 100 living U.S. World War II vets. That doesn’t seem like it could possibly be right, can it? Can anyone give me a number here? OK, with that out of the way, let’s get to the rest of it.

Chicks and Golf Don’t Mix. Just kidding, folks. But it was a little strange that Rory McIlroy won his first European Tour match since 2012, only four days after announcing that he had just broken off his engagement to Danish tennis superstar Caroline Wozniacki? They had just sent their wedding invites out a week before. Both Rory and Carrie were Number Ones in their respective sports at one time, yet both have since fallen to double-digit world rankings of late. Anyway, McIlroy should jump to number six and Sweet Caroline will also probably benefit from not having to make romantic trips to see her pasty-faced beau play in Scotland.

The Woz!

The Woz!

The Fantastic Four. It recently occurred to me that there are only four big count-on-them-every-day hitters in the major leagues these days. Their names are Miguel Cabrera, Troy Tulowitzki, Melky Cabrera, and Yadi Molina. They are all suspect in one way or another, but they are nevertheless money. Miggy is a monster until someone says otherwise. Melky is a drug cheat who may still be cheating but is also collecting two to three hits a night until his next bust. Tulo is hitting something like .700 in Colorado, but still well enough elsewhere to be over .350. Yadi is Yadi. He went ofer versus the Yanks last night but the Cards still skunked ’em 6-0.

Night Rangers. This just in. Apparently I stayed awake long enough to see that the Rangers got their collective heads handed to them in Junoir Blaber’s home away from home, Montreal. 7-4? Really? At least we get to see another.

Screen shot 2014-05-28 at 8.32.57 AM

Pablo

Belmont. For the last frogging time, going to the race track is great. I had the pleasure of hitting Belmont Park with Cheesy Bruin, JG Clancy, and our friend Pablo on Sunday. Pitch perfect weather. Not a cloud in the sky. No one won a cent, and a good time was had by all. Where else can you pay nothing to park, five bucks admission, bring your own beer and food, BBQ if you want, gamble, be in the great outdoors, cash only one winner, and still have a great time?

50 Cent Arm. I am not even gonna comment on this one. Let’s just call him the next Mets closer or Valedictorian at the Carl Lewis School of Pitching,

I’m done. Come back tomorrow for… Different Matt… on a Thursday?! Or the podcast??? Stay tuned.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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