Angry Ward Wednesday: Rory McIlroy, MLB Fantastic Four and Fitty


Caroline Wozniacki as SerenaBronx, NY – I’m writing this column on Tuesday afternoon/evening so, for starters, get over yourself and don’t give me any guff about not writing about the Rangers/Habs game. I’m sure it will get plenty of chatter here today as is. Anyway, it was a long and eventful Memorial Day Weekend and there’s plenty to get caught up on. For starters, someone told me that there are now fewer than 100 living U.S. World War II vets. That doesn’t seem like it could possibly be right, can it? Can anyone give me a number here? OK, with that out of the way, let’s get to the rest of it.

Chicks and Golf Don’t Mix. Just kidding, folks. But it was a little strange that Rory McIlroy won his first European Tour match since 2012, only four days after announcing that he had just broken off his engagement to Danish tennis superstar Caroline Wozniacki? They had just sent their wedding invites out a week before. Both Rory and Carrie were Number Ones in their respective sports at one time, yet both have since fallen to double-digit world rankings of late. Anyway, McIlroy should jump to number six and Sweet Caroline will also probably benefit from not having to make romantic trips to see her pasty-faced beau play in Scotland.

The Woz!

The Woz!

The Fantastic Four. It recently occurred to me that there are only four big count-on-them-every-day hitters in the major leagues these days. Their names are Miguel Cabrera, Troy Tulowitzki, Melky Cabrera, and Yadi Molina. They are all suspect in one way or another, but they are nevertheless money. Miggy is a monster until someone says otherwise. Melky is a drug cheat who may still be cheating but is also collecting two to three hits a night until his next bust. Tulo is hitting something like .700 in Colorado, but still well enough elsewhere to be over .350. Yadi is Yadi. He went ofer versus the Yanks last night but the Cards still skunked ’em 6-0.

Night Rangers. This just in. Apparently I stayed awake long enough to see that the Rangers got their collective heads handed to them in Junoir Blaber’s home away from home, Montreal. 7-4? Really? At least we get to see another.

Screen shot 2014-05-28 at 8.32.57 AM


Belmont. For the last frogging time, going to the race track is great. I had the pleasure of hitting Belmont Park with Cheesy Bruin, JG Clancy, and our friend Pablo on Sunday. Pitch perfect weather. Not a cloud in the sky. No one won a cent, and a good time was had by all. Where else can you pay nothing to park, five bucks admission, bring your own beer and food, BBQ if you want, gamble, be in the great outdoors, cash only one winner, and still have a great time?

50 Cent Arm. I am not even gonna comment on this one. Let’s just call him the next Mets closer or Valedictorian at the Carl Lewis School of Pitching,

I’m done. Come back tomorrow for… Different Matt… on a Thursday?! Or the podcast??? Stay tuned.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception… he’s flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, “Angry Ward’s ‘anger’ is a direct result of “Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan.” As if that weren’t enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, “Don’t have a enough short, white angry guys but I don’t dislike them… that much.” A-Dubya is MTM’s longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

  • The Retired One

    There are about 1 million WW II vets left of the 16 million that served.
    NHL needs the money so for Game 6 @ MSG ya better keep an eye on those refs who’ll do the management’s bidding to try to get it to Game 7

    • SAF

      I met a couple of those surviving vets last December at New Orleans’ excellent World War II museum. I hope that they’re still with us!

    • We gotta bad feeling about this. Was Valverde between the pipes for the Blueshirts last night?!

  • buffalobilly84

    The little mick dumped the blonde tennis pro? She’s even got a sense of humor. He looks like something out of the Hobbit! haha

    • Just goes to show what a little fore-play can do. [Ba Doom Cha].

  • Drunk in Joisey

    The Rangers will be the first team to ever come back from 3-1 to blow a 3-1 lead.

    • Damn you, DIJ!

    • GrindingAxWalter

      Calm down Ranger fans..As I have said all along, we have this in six….the King looked a bit like the jester last night and the defense was pitiful. We still have offense and quietly Nash has woken from his high income coma.

  • SAF

    Can someone please help a hockey ignoramus and tell me if there is an English translation of “Les Habitants?” I’ve always wondered.

    • Oui.

      • Junoir Blaber

        The Inhabitants. It is like the minor league hockey team the Rochester Americans.

  • Junoir Blaber

    I am not allowed back in Canada for another 2-3 years so Montreal cannot be my second home. It appears last nights ref’s second homes are all in Montreal though. Moore gets a game misconduct while Purst was a no call. Borque punched one of the Rangers while still holding onto the stick. An interference call against the Rangers in the second is not a call in the 3rd as the Canadians do the exact same thing. All we ask for is consistency.

    • AngryWard

      So that’s how your Habs scored seven goals. Thanks for the clarification.

    • Cheesybruin

      See my column from two weeks ago…I warned everybody of all of this sh!t. It is disgusting to watch.

      • Different Matt

        As bad as the refs have been this series, the Rangers win that game last night if Lundqvist shows up and Kreider and Poulliot pull their heads out of each other’s asses and don’t take stupid penalties. If Torts were still in town, Poulliot would have been benched a long time ago.

        Then again, if Torts were still in town, the rangers would probably be playing golf with the Canucks right now.

        • Cookies Corner

          Man… even the King must have a bad day.. but when he has a bad day.. man does he! Good thing he’s hot. And when the player with the broken jaw is playing the best for the night… ummm…. dudes!

  • Junoir Blaber

    Fitty Cent’s aim is worse than the guys that shot him and let him live.

    • AngryWard

      Fiddy’s arm ain’t worth two cent. He could be the Mets closer.

  • WestCoastCraig

    does Belmont let you watch from the infield?

    • AngryWard

      No. I’ve been out for a couple of Belmont Stakes, and there is no infield access. It’s pretty much a zoo, chock full of people that have no idea how to place a bet. You have to get in line when it’s 20 minutes to post. Every other day out there is great.

      • SAF

        It’s worse than that, on Belmont Stakes day half the workers at the windows have never taken a bet before and wouldn’t know a quinella from a chicken salad sandwich!

        • Cheesybruin

          Sam, the 2nd installment of MTM at Belmont is in the works. What do you prefer: the 21st or 22nd OR 28th or 29th of June?

          • AngryWard

            We really need Sam for this one.

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