You Talkin’ To Me? Crazy Athletes’ Behavior

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nutsNEW YORK, NY – The moon makes people crazy. How else can you describe Short Matt hitting a milestone birthday, getting engaged and being “treated” at Bellevue Hospital for what is being reported as a bicycle-taxi cab “accident.” No need to off yourself so soon, Boss. The best of the worst is yet to come. Circumstances not withstanding, here are a few athletes who have more than a running head start on Short Matt in the crazy department.

Bike Crash in ambulance with bike

Short Matt, FDNY EMT & Bike on way to Bellvue.

John Rocker (MLB reliever): No explanation but the following straight from the horse’s mouth. “Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English”. Yeah, it’s more ignorance than crazy but he definitely had his own style.

Charles Haley (NFL defensive end): This perennial HOF finalist’s insanity had to be condensed but the highlights are as follows:
Fogged the dolphin (nothing to do with chasing down Miami QB’s) near the faces of teammates in the locker room… and during team meetings, often fantasizing aloud about teammates’ wives.
Physical altercations with HC George Siefert and QB Steve Young.
Urinated on the office floor of 49ERS team President Carmen Policy as well as a SF player’s BMW.
I’m not sure his recent bi-polar disorder diagnosis exonerates him from these antics but he is a certifiable loon.

nilanChris “Knuckles” Nilan: (NHL enforcer): Talk about a distinguished career as a nut on ice! Cuckoo explains two of the most ignominious feats in hockey history: One for the highest Penalty Minutes (PIM) average per game – at just under a fighting major of 4.42 minutes… Two, the 42 minutes of penalty time in one game as a member of the Boston Bruins where upon he served six minors, two majors, one misconduct, one game misconduct, and a partridge in a pear tree. There’s only sixty minutes of play and he spent two-thirds of a game in the sin bin! Nilan’s 3,043 career PIM rank ninth, as his affection to the penalty box and affliction to heroine and pain-killers are to explain his auction purchase of the old Montreal Forum penalty box. He also married the daughter of one of Irish crime boss Whitey Bulger’s girlfriends, and got busted for shoplifting a swimsuit from a Massachusetts Lord & Taylor.

Honorable Mention: John Wensink (judge for yourself:

pierJimmy Piersall (MLB outfielder): The early standard for insane athletes is the former Red Sox player, whose life was chronicled in the movie Fear Strikes Out. Mental misadventures include shooting a water gun on home plate and wearing a Beatles wig while playing air guitar… on his bat on his way to the dish. You aren’t all there if you’re picking a fight with Billy Martin and then engage a teammate in fisticuffs for desert. Famous for running out a homer backwards, this character missed the final two months of a season due to his institutionalization.

Crazy California guy, West Coast Craig, who types backwards while urinating, tomorrow.

McCarthy Accident Knuckle, Shoulder, Knee

Meet The Matts meets The Cab: Knuckle, Shoulder, Kniee.

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A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.

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