NFL Exhibition Crud, The Biggest Loser, Matt Schaub, Le’Veon Bell

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POUGHKEEPSIE, NY, It was a very quiet (okay, depressing) night at the homestead. The stillness lasted until I went to bed and then interrupted by a cricket who must have been inside the room. It figures the only leg-rubbing going on in my bedroom these days belongs to a frogging insect.

I ate my Offensive Line

I ate my Offensive Line

Some of the evening was misspent watching NFL Exhibition Crud Football, saddening enough to force me to drown my feelings in the last of the Duff Goldman-inspired Blue Bunny Caramel Fudge Brownie Sundae ice cream in the freezer. The riveting on-field action forced me to scan network television channels – which I never do – and stop on a Bear Grylls survival show whose special guest was Tom Arnold. The show was entertaining enough to last through a few commercials, where The Biggest Loser promoted its upcoming athletes edition, featuring a morbidly obese Scott Mitchell (once a member of my fantasy football roster), some Olympic medal-winning broad, and a 260-lb. Zina Garrison of the tennis world.

This programming is as suicide-inducing as the NFL Exhibition Crud I flipped back to, yet I did learn a few things:

Rex Ryan and Snoopy TrophyThe Jets-Giants game at MetLife Stadium is played with a Snoopy Trophy at stake, Are you kidding me? Take a look for yourself.  If any coach, player or front-office type raises this thing in victory, he deserves to be taken to the barn and dealt with accordingly.

For Giants fans worried about Eli Manning, I hope you witnessed Raiders new QB Matt Schaub in action. In one series, he almost threw back-to-back interceptions and was harassed into a fumble on the third play, where his ball security was poor under the heavy pressure. This is a guy who has regressed in each of the last three years and needs to be eliminated from fantasy football consideration.

Speaking of fantasy football, I’m thinking of drafting Mo’Ne Davis in the first round of my draft. But back to Raider Nation… One thing that has impressed the hell out of me is the play of the Raiders defense, namely LB Khalil Mack, the rookie out of SUNY Buffalo. This guy will be the NFL Rookie of the Year with the help of a healthy Justin Tuck and Antonio Smith on the D-line.

Remake starring Bell and Blount

Remake starring Bell and Blount

It’s often said ignorance is no defense of the law. But what about outright stupidity?  Le’Veon Bell, Steelers teammate Lagarette Blount and a female (hmm) were pulled over after a cop smelled marijuana coming from their vehicle.  To the trio’s credit, all were accountable in admitting the weed belonged to each of them. But [Dumb] Bell separated himself/exposed his intelligence quotient by disclosing: ” I didn’t know you can get a DUI for being high.  I smoked two hours ago.  I’m not high anymore.  I’m perfectly fine. 

Street Culture 101 tells us to clam up and Bell obviously was too stoned to pass that class.  Isn’t it reassuring to Roger Goodell that the NFL’s rookie symposium on drugs and alcohol is working so well with all too many of these stories in the news?

A man that would never be so dopey, West Coast Craig, tomorrow.

 

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A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.

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