Agitated Ward Wednesday: Rex Ryan, Trump, Manziel, Mets and Rangers

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rex ryan and trump Meet_The_Matts

“Trump took this gigantic dump…” -Rex Ryan

BRONX, NY – For those of you who have been giving me all kinds of crap for my warmer, fuzzier approach of late, you’ll be happy to hear that forces are at work to bring me back to the dark side. I won’t get in to specifics, but I’m a tad ticked right now. The funny thing is, if my attitude depended entirely on sports results, I’d be doing great. I’m writing this on Tuesday and last night the Mets won, the Minnesota Wild finally won, and the Golden State Warriors went up two games to none on the hapless Houston Rockets, sans Steph Curry. Not a bad haul for a Monday night. But that’s ancient history. Right now I’m tired, achy, and denying myself booze… for at least one night.

REX: “Douche!” DON: “Douche!”

Rex Ryan Loves Donald Trump. Apparently Buffalo blowhard Rex Ryan took his foot – and his wife’s feet – ut of his mouth long enough to introduce fellow gasbag, and 2016 presidential punchline Donald Trump at a rally in Western New York, the same area that gave us the “Education of Short Matt.” There’s nothing much you can say about this, except it’s good to see that these two titanic losers found each other in the losingest city in New York. I’m not sure I understand the thought process here. Trump (who is a loser, but thinks he’s a winner), has called John McCain and just about everyone else a loser, but chooses Rex Ryan to do his intro?

Cespedes generations

Dad, Grandpa & Cespy

Signs of Life from the Mets. As I write this, the Mets are kicking the crap out of the Phillies. That’s fun all by itself. But, more interesting is the fact that Yoenis Cespedes is heating up and David Wright (of all people) has been pretty damn steady. Throw in young Michael Conforto and they just might have something going. I would even go so far as to say that if either Granderson or Duda can ever give the team anything (not even at the same time!) this team could do some serious offensive damage. But, who am I kidding, that’ll never happen.

Jumping off the Good Ship Johnny Football. I love that ESPN just posted a newsflash that read: BREAKING! Nike has terminated it’s endorsement deal with Johnny Manziel. As, if anyone dumping Manziel at this point is news.  What exactly was he endorsing anyway? Crystal Meth? Birth control? Did he have his own campaign slogan? JUST SNIFF GLUE IT? This guy is starting to make Lohan and Winehouse look like rank amateurs. Apparently, no one in his life can get him help. When that happens you mostly have two story arcs, cemetery and colossally bad reality TV show. Sometimes both.

Bernie_Sanders Johnny_Cash Meet_The_MattsNew York Rangers. I had to put something in here about the Broadway Blues, or I’d get killed by all the puckheads around here. It’s tied in the third as I put this to bed. Hope the Rangers win. Keeping them in the playoffs is so much more entertaining than saying goodbye early. I’m sure management will post the final prior to publishing. Go Rangers!

Come back tomorrow for some well-needed ointment for all of those still feeling The Bern.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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