He’s Not Your Friend… Guy. Politics, Sports, Boss Bashing and South Park Collide


By Tall Matt & Replacement Matt
guy_lafleurNEW YORK, NY – In the spirit of recent plagiarism, we’ll abscond with this familiar line from the 2008 South Park episode titled “Canada on Strike.” The question this phrase begs is “Are we really all Short Matt’s friends?” Can we put up with being called “guy” incessantly? We have all experienced the Short One’s proclivity to begin sentences addressing us with the“guy” and or ending them with the “friend.” But we contend that rather than being affectionate, they are either veiled, condescending terms or sentence entry vehicles, imploring one of us to assist in some endeavor.

Let’s take “guy” first. Many of us have been told, “Guy, you know nothing about sports,” or have heard the “guy” spoken with the high intonation question mark attached. Guy-Carbonneau1992Our “buddy” Matt is a natural wiseacre and part and parcel with that is his penchant for knowing the right way to do something. Replacement Matt has taken to answering all calls from Short Matt with a preemptive onslaught of “Guy! Guy? Guuuuy!?” We recommend you all do the same. Immediately. Guy, check your grammar on that article, guy. A sidebar to “guy” is the term “chief,” not frequently in Short Matt’s lexicon but it might as well be.

Guy Shepherdson RugbyFriend. Friend. Friend, can you pinch-hit on Friday with a column? “Friend” is the softener that opens an appeal, which will most certainly contain unnecessary verbiage. “Friend, you have to wear the suit.” “Friend, how do you get to Dobbs Ferry?” On the surface, this is affable term of endearment. But just try saying a sample sentence to yourself. You hear that? “Friend” means anything but, it might as well be said with the inflection of an East Indian cab driver- “my friend, why you don’t pay me?” “My friend there is traffic on the bridge.” Short Matt must immediately add “my” to his friend requests and speak like Apu on The Simpsons. It is decreed.

HeatherGraham-AngerManagement005Timing is key to “friend” as well, and it is unfailingly bad. Recently Angry Ward and Tall Matt were encouraged to attend a rugby match at Baker Field two hours before kick off (do you kick off in rugby?). Replacement Matt was notified about a Shasky ballgame in Brooklyn in the 2nd inning simply because he calls that borough home. Geography is not one of our “friend’s” strong suits. In the case of this post however, credit where credit is due. The Short Guy did give us 4 days warning for the request to contribute. Kudos GUY, you’re still our FRIEND.

Guy Mezger

Friends… What does this have to do with sports? Nothing at allguys!

That’s it. Feel free bash or comment below and please follow us on Twitter @MeetTheMatts and like Facebook page, Meet The Matts. Thank you… Chief.

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  • Trump Means Fart

    Not sure what I just read but the videos were funny.

    • Charlie Furbush

      Slap fight between Mets fans?

      • Just a couple of “guys” blowin’ off some steam. ??

  • Buddy Guy

    I lioved this.

  • Well… Baker Field was fun. And there is an initial kickoff and then after a team scores, the ensuing kickoff is called a “restart” – as in restarting the match. P.s… You “gents” want to write a piece for RugbyWrapUp.com next week, friends?

    • Tall Matt

      No guy

      • Chief/Friend/Guy: It’s five minutes from your respective homes and kid-friendly. C’mon, Guy.

  • Different Matt

    Guy, you’re killing me, guy!

  • Dude

    1, 2, 3, 4 correspondents deserve more… money

  • AngryWard

    Guyyyyyyy-E. The best thing I got going with Short Matt is our mutual agreement to hang up on one another when there’s a lull in any phone conversation. You guyyyys should try it.

    • Tall Matt

      In guy’s infinite wisdom he changed the funny title of the article from…”He’s not your friend, guy” to the unfunny and bloviated “He’s Not Your Friend… Guy. Politics, Sports, Boss Bashing and South Park Collide.” LESS IS MORE FRIEND.

      • Apologies. We forgot that you are the Internet Whiz and King of SEO.

  • Junoir Blaber

    There was a French tennis player named Guy, that was good, I forgot his last name.

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