Angry Ward Wednesday: What Board Game is Your Favorite Sports Team?


BRONX, NY – Hey there, sports dopes, shiftless employees, and assorted other loners. It’s another wonderful Wednesday here at NFL playoffs, Trump inauguration, the Knicks still sucking… so much to talk about. But, to hell with that noise, I want to write about old-timey board games – y’know, the one’s you used to play with your family before everyone became cell phone zombies?–and how they relate to your favorite sports team. Let’s do this.

Monopoly. Yep, you guessed it, the New York Yankees. The Bombers used to have a monopoly on money and the ability to sign free agents that no one else could. These days their only monopoly is a$$hole fans. They have the market completely cornered. Congrats!

Clue. Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has no clue how to run a professional sports franchise. After he fires Jay Gruden, his next head coach will most likely be Colonel Mustard.

Pay DayAs mentioned in the lead-in, the Knicks are God-awful. Seems like Zen Master Jax, Carmelo, Noah, and others are only in it for the Pay Day. And they certainly found the perfect sap to hand over that sweet moolah.

TroubleAny time the Dallas Cowboys draft a player or bring in a free agent, you can pretty much bet that it’s going to be trouble.

RiskThere’s no risk involved when rooting for the Cleveland Browns. You know they are going to be dreadful every single year.

Cranium. Milwaukee Bucks coach Jason Kidd has an enormous cranium.

OperationOf course it’s the Mets. Every single time they take the field there are buzzers going off for soon-to-be-botched medical procedures their players will be needing. The humorless Wilpon Boys DID have their respective funny bones successfully removed years ago.

KerPlunkKerPlunk, there goes another crappy Jets season. (Okay, it’s not technically a board game, but it just worked so well for the J-E-T-S.)

Sorry! Pronounced in true Canuck fashion, this is the apology Canada’s hockey fans get when most of their teams fail to make the playoffs.

ParcheesiThe game of choice for our own ParcheesiBruin.

Balderdash. What I will say once again next year when DJ Eberle predicts that the Buffalo Bills will be good and make the playoffs.

The Game of Life. Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez is enjoying a spirited round of this game behind bars.

Trivial PursuitDo New York Rangers fans really think their team is going to win a Cup before Lundqvist retires?

Will Lundquist be Giacomin II and return to a tears-inducing ovation?

Okay, I’m sure there are a whole lot more but I’m calling it quits for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, a guy who cheats at Candy Land and Chinese Checkers.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception… he’s flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, “Angry Ward’s ‘anger’ is a direct result of “Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan.” As if that weren’t enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, “Don’t have a enough short, white angry guys but I don’t dislike them… that much.” A-Dubya is MTM’s longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

  • Maureen

    The Canadian way to say Sorry is very funny! ?

    • Always opt for Canuckian, Mo!

      • jgclancy

        Just hand them some doughnuts and a twofer and they’ll be all smiles!

  • jgclancy

    Trivial Pursuit – The Minnesota Vikings hope of getting to & losing yet another Super Bowl! Buffalo Bills are relegated to a solitaire game called “Patience” – their fans need it a lot awaiting the hope of just getting to the playoffs again.

  • buffalobilly84

    Leave the Bills alone!

    • Sucking it up when your team sucks is what being a fan is all about!

  • Drunk In Joisey

    Lundquist will win, just not at hockey.

  • benwhit

    The King will rise!

  • benwhit

    Uno – the number of championships the Cubs win every century

  • DJ Eberle

    There was a second when I thought the Bills might not get a mention in this, but then I scrolled down more. We’ll see. Interested to see what the next few months brings.

    • AngryWard

      Trust me, Ebs, I was strongly considering your Bills for all sorts of game titles. Wonder if your second favorite player, Westbrook, will get a triple double tonight against the Warriors… and lose.

      • jgclancy

        It was a nice triple double too……and they still lost. Check and

  • Cheesybruin

    Ward, what, no Chutes and Ladders or Don’t Break The Ice? Both could have been backhand slaps at my Bruins. Stratego is another old fave of mine.

    • jgclancy

      Cheesy–I was almost gonna mention don’t break the ice for his Minnesota Wild but it’s not really a board game,eh?

  • Buddy Diaz

    If your not cheating your not trying! and that goes for Candy land and Chinese checker lol

    I love the reference to “clue”… that was my favorite.

  • Chillin’ with our new favorite coach…

  • GrindingAx

    I’m starting to think that King Henrik is the Tony Romo of hockey.

  • Junoir Blaber

    This is your best piece ever!!

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