Big Ben Tuesday: Flat Earth NBA? Carmelo Plays Some D? Phil Jackson Defends Knicks?

15 Comments

STAMFORD, CT: Normally I’d be on beach right now, drinking a way-too-early Margarita. But infants can’t do a thing for themselves, it turns out, so I’m stuck here in the dead of winter. Anyway… It’s Presidents Day as I write, or as it will now be called, I Don’t Know, Someone Gave Me That Information Day! While we here at MTM barely needed to adjust to a world without facts, the rest of the world is catching on.

My Eye is Round, but the Earth is Flat.

Kyrie Irving, speaking about himself in the 3rd person, said, “Kyrie actually thinks the world is flat.” Part of me thinks he was taking the piss, as the English say, and this was really his commentary on how we pay attention to the wrong things in our society. But in case he wasn’t, here’s a picture of the earth from space.

 

That wouldn’t be enough to convince Draymond Green, who came to Kyrie’s defense. “I can make a round picture with my iPhone today, on the panoramic camera, and make it look round.” Ok then. For someone who really loves kicking balls, you’d think everything would look round to him.

Lebron James didn’t seem to mind either. “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the Earth is flat, that’s ok.” We know Kyrie has a killer crossover, but I think we underestimated his power a little bit.

Even Phil Jackson got into the act, stating emphatically at his first and last press conference of the season that this Knicks team has the best record of any Knicks team since his ’73 championship team. When questioned by a reporter, Phil clarified that he was of course not including the years in which other Knick teams had a better record, which was most of them. You may think I made this story up, but the information was given to me, and lots of people believe it.

The West beat the East in the NBA all star game, 192-182. Said Carmelo Anthony, “It was good to be on a team that played some defense.”

Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, a man we all want to kick in the balls. Follow us on Twitter at @benwhit8 & @MeetTheMattsInstagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

Facebook Comments
Share Button

Filed in: Ben WhitneyFeatured
Tagged with:

About the Author ()

Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.
  • AngryWard

    This is really going to set up my “Earth is Football-Shaped” column for tomorrow. Among other things you’ll find out, the equator is the laces.

  • AngryWard

    I’m gonna go ahead and say that 1 (now 2) comments on Ben’s post today (it’s almost 2:30 est) should qualify me for not having to write something tonight for tomorrow.

    • If only… Besides, this should infuriate you/inspire you!

  • benwhit

    I had called it a Waytooearly Margarita, as if it were the name of a type of margarita. I’m not sure why that didn’t get through. Maybe it wasn’t that funny, but I’ve made plenty of waaaaay crappier jokes.

    • Matt’s Friend John

      Mccarthy is a dope.

      • We respectfully refuse to dignify this with a response… Wait, we just did, didn’t we?

  • buffalobilly84

    I didnt realize you were kidding until the 3rd time I read it. ha ha

    • benwhit

      I only made up the Phil Jax part and the Carmelo quote.

  • Nick Erbocker

    In the alternative universe that Jim Dolan operates with Jackson anything is possible.

  • Junoir Blaber

    Where do you even go with a flat eart person? Obviously facts don’t matter to these people.

Back to Top