Angry Ward Wednesday: Brady, Bartolo Colon, Tiger and other Trump Sports Tweets

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BRONX, NY – If it’s Wednesday it must be time for another tired and true (no, that wasn’t a typo) post from yours truly. Let me start by saying that it will be bittersweet seeing the only real baseball hero left, Bartolo Colon, take the hill against the Mets tonight as an Atlanta Brave. I sincerely hope he gets a rousing ovation in the bottom of the first, and another for each of his at-bats. How big is Big Sexy’s return to NYC? Our 45th President is tweeting about it. But then, he’s always tweeted about sports. Here are some prime examples. Spelling errors remain, to preserve authenticity:

Never been a sports event like The Miracle on Ice. Our college kids learned a lot about sportsmanship from those brave Soviet professionals. So did bad Prez, Jimmy Carter.

My good friend Tom Brady’s missing SB jersey found, where else, Mexico. Bad hombres down there. Framed Aaron Hernandez too.

Bartolo Colon back in New York. Hide the food, Melania! Not a handsome man. Still… better looking than Rosie and that Miss Universe chick I don’t like.

Raiders moving to Vegas. Bad idea, guys. They tapp everything in Vegas. Rooms, blackjack tables, showgirls t!ts, the works. People who tapp are crooks. Except Belichick. #genius

 Like the Rangers to win The Stanley Cupp. I know everything about hockey. Phenomenal knowledge. Will miss playoffs. Lotsa work at Mar-a-Lago. Jared watching for me. 

Didn’t duck throwing out first pitch in DC. Don’t believe the lamestream media. Have a cannon arm. Didn’t want to hurt Wieters. GWB throws like a girl compared to me. No problems there, believe me.

Only room for one King in America LeBron. Guess who? That’s right, ME! You can be a Duke, but I WILL need to see your birth certificate.

Tiger missing The Masters this week. Sad. Not only a great golfer (I’m better) but a famous guy (I’m more famouser) who really knows how to treat women.

That’s all we have time for this week. Be sure to come back tomorrow for our own Buddy Diaz, who is on Trump’s “Deport this Guy Immediately” list.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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