Angry Ward Wednesday: Trades Destinations, CTE, Tim Tebow and… um… CTE?

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Jamal Adams on Meet The MattsBRONX, NY –  Hey, everyone! Whaddaya say? Let’s get on out there and make today the best Wednesday August 2nd it can possibly be! Barring that, let’s waste some time at work reading and (hopefully) commenting on yet another Pulitzer-worthy “effort” in the category of “Not-for-Profit Pundit.” And awayyyyy we go!

MLB Trading Deadline. On Monday, our own DJ Eberle called Major League Baseball’s trading deadline the “most exciting day of the regular season.” To be fair, this is coming from the same person who routinely says super-awesome things about the Buffalo Bills. Anyway, the deadline came and went and it wasn’t all that exciting. The real nail biting is always reserved for those players who don’t want to be traded to contending teams in crap cities. So congrats to all of those who avoided Tampa (sorry, Lucas Duda), Cleveland (the Mistake by the Lake), DC (The Trump Dump), and other less-than exotic locales! It’s Miller Time, guys!

CTE. I forgot what I was going to say about this. Go Vikings!

Bartman WS Ring. So, they gave long-suffering, witness-protection-program Cubs fan Steve Bartman a World Series ring. That’s nice… I guess. If nothing else, this probably opens the door for other fans to be similarly recognized. For starters this probably greases the skids for our own Short Matt to finally receive that AVNPrivate Participation Award” he’s long been lobbying for.

Sweet Tebus! After listening to opinions on this guy for years, I have come to the conclusion that Tim Tebow is not so much a white Bo Jackson as he is a more athletic, less-literate George Plimpton.

CTE. Did I mention CTE yet? Whatever. I think the Star Wars franchise should make a beat-up droid character named CTE-PO who irritates easily, has virtually zero memory, and always volunteers for suicide missions.

Panels. I don’t know about you guys, but I think TV panels suck. They suck on football pregame shows, they such on NBA halftime shows, they suck on late-night news shows… they just suck. Give me two people talking to each other one-on-one over five, six, seven jackasses screaming all over one another trying to get the loudest 30 seconds of airtime they can. I don’t know who started it (ESPN probably) but it’s long since passed any threshold of tolerability. Break out “Get Smart’s” Cone of Silence. *Now that’s a dated reference right there.*

NY Times' Ken Belson on RugbyWrapUp.com panel with @Mat_McCarthy00

NY Times’ Ken Belson on RugbyWrapUp.com Panel Show with @Matt_McCarthy00

CTE. Some dude on the Jets says that dying on the football field is as good a place as any. That’s a healthy attitude for a guy playing for a team that is going to die on the football field pretty much every week this year. For this fella, to paraphrase an old Stove Top Stuffing commercial, “CTE? I’m staying!

Mister Softee Meet_The_MattsSummer Checklist. We’re now fully in the last real month of summer and so many items have not been checked off my “To Do” list. Among them, attending a baseball game (it’s crazy that this has yet to be accomplished), attending a Short Matt last-second-there’s-no-way-I-can-go-because-I-have-a-kid BYOB BBQ featuring frozen hot dog buns from the Carter administration (had at least one last-second cancellation by host), and eating every offering on a Mister Softee Ice Cream truck menu (there’s still time!). Other than that, I’m ready for Fall.

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who’s only working here because of, you guessed  it, CTE.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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