Angry Ward Wednesday: Giants, Yankees, Gambling and the End of Anger

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Cleveland_ indians Jay_Bruce Meet_The_Matts, Yankees

BRONX, NY – The way I see it, this will be my second-to-last Angry Ward column before doing a long weekend in Vegas with some of my oldest and best-est friends, taking the 25th off to recharge and reboot, and coming back with something else (hopefully better) starting Wednesday November 1st. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been fun being the resident sports crank for all these years, but it’s time to move on to something (anything!) different. I’m confident, however, that there’s enough vitriol in the tank to get us through the next fortnight. So, let’s get to it.

Angry_Ward JG_Clancy Giants_Bus Meet_The_Matts

Masochists, curiosity seekers, freebie recipients… and Angry Ward & JG Clancy

Giant Waste of Time and Money. I went out to my first, and most likely last, New York Giants game of the season this past Sunday. It was as horrible as it looked on TV, with the added bonus of a heaping helping of humidity. For those of you who didn’t already know, the offensive line can’t block, the one running back who can run, can’t catch, all of the wide receivers are out with crippling injuries, QB play is no more predictable than betting red or black on roulette, and the head coach is incompetent. Other than that, the Giants are one of the best 0-5 teams out there. Seriously though, it was a sad display and it hammered home why so many people don’t want to throw away their time and money going out to games. A lot of the old diehards have gotten old and died. What’s left are an assortment of masochists, curiosity seekers, freebie recipients, and the enemy. In short, the Giants should be playing to a lot of Eagles, Redskins, and Cowboys fans from here on out.

Do I Want the Yankees to Win Tonight? Nah. I’m not gonna even bother making an argument for the other side on this one. Wanting to keep the Yankees around for another series is simply not in my DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Anger).

Jennifer Capriati Meet_The_MattsSports Gambling Season is Upon Us. Nuts to the baseball playoffs. We are coming up on the best time of year for people who sorta care about sports but care a whole lot about throwing away their money away on meaningless games. Hockey is back, basketball is about to return, which means college basketball is also set to return. “Half the NFL is injured!,” you say? Use that injury knowledge to your advantage and place some b-b-b-bets! Sports, except for the exercise they bring, are mostly meaningless. But betting on sports makes even the most mundane games life and death situations. I once won a bunch of money betting on Jennifer Capriati in the Australian Open. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t be writing the name Jennifer Capriati right now. If you don’t have a bookie or can’t get to a proper casino, bet your friends, start an office pool. Get resourceful, people! Put yer money where your mouth is, or shaddup.

Miller’s Crossing is My Favorite Coen Brothers Film. These are the types of things you can write about when you are winding things up. It’s so freeing.

National Anthem and Colin Kaepernick Opinions. Enough already. Most people passionate about these issues can neither sing the Anthem without screwing it up or spell Kaepernick correctly. I’m done with you bomb-pop puking mouth breathers.

That’s it for today. See ya next week. Come back for Buddy Diaz tomorrow.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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