Big Ben Whitney: Trump Tweets the NFL Draft – What Will Giants, Jets, Browns do?

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WHITE PLAINS, NY  –  This upcoming NFL draft is the most interesting one in these parts in a while. My parts are excited. The Jets plowed into the top three and it looks like the big four QBs will come off the board quickly. Meanwhile, Mueller’s Noose is closing around the neck of our “President.” But Captain Bullsh!t is not going down without a Tweetstorm. I feel like I should get a few more shots in on Trump while he’s still president. So let’s see if I can jam his Tweets and the draft together somehow.

This guy would look good next to Nate Solder

“And yet, there is no collusion.”
No collusion, like the Jets’ strategy. They had the perfect bridge (water) guy in Josh McCown. Step two should have been to identify a long term solution. Why muddle things with Teddy Bridgewater?

I know he was a relatively cheap back-up plan, but you never see a competent organization sign two not-the-answer QBs at once. On a related note, my dog Chief would have been a better draft pick than Christian Hackenberg. His hands aren’t the best, but his locker room presence is hard to ignore.

I feel badly for Teddy. He was cruising along as the Vikings QB of the future until Bam! He’s playing on the Jets for relative peanuts. And he didn’t even get hit. This would be like Peter King getting writer’s block out in the middle of a story and then finding himself writing for this blog.

I just need a chance

“The Fake News is beside themselves”
The Giants have been impressively playing it close to the vest. Most people think they’re going to grab a QB, but they could also take Saquon Barkley or Quentin Nelson, two studs in positions of huge need. I think I read somewhere that the Giants had OL problems last season.

They could also trade down, which would be ballsy as hell. The upside is they could potentially get a huge haul from a team like Buffalo. The downside is that they could pass on their next franchise QB. And if Davis Webb ends up being a dud, they would look pretty dumb.

“Same with lying James Comey.”
Many pundits think Josh Rosen is the top QB in the draft and he has been increasingly linked to the Giants. He may not or may not be a liar like Comey, but he is not mobile and he has a strong personality (he’s a d!ck). A rookie QB who is not liked by his teammates is not ideal, but he’s got Eli Manning there to bring him down a few pegs. In fact, I think we have the makings of a odd couple, buddy sit com – The cocky rookie and the “aw shucks” veteran.

Future Hard Knocks stars

A preview from a future Hard Knocks:

JR: Eli, who is my first read on that play?
EM: Aw shucks Josh, I wish you wouldn’t yell at me.
JR: Shut up and get me some Gatorade.
ER: I’m a two time Super Bowl MVP you know.
JR: What?
EM: Nothing.

“The Mueller probe never should have been started in the first place.”
Maybe the same is true for the modern Cleveland Browns, a case study in ineptitude. They are finally in position to break the chain and all eyes are on them with two top four picks. I don’t think there is any way they can take Barkley or any other non-QB with the top pick. They can’t roll the dice and end up with their third choice QB.

Even if they think Saquon is by far the best player in the draft. Even if they like Baker Mayfield more than the other QBs and are pretty sure he’s gonna be there at four. The weight of their last 30 terrible QBs will be too much to bear. The ghost of Tim Couch will not let them take the risk.

Tough Break Teddy

Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, who isn’t sure Kirk Cousins is an upgrade over Case Keenum. You can follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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About the Author ()

Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.

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