Angry Ward Friday: Breaking – Steve Sarkisian Sucks!

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BRONX, NY – I was one of those morons that waited out the lightning delay last night and watched Buddy Diaz’s Philadelphia Eagles win a game that they definitely should have lost. Well, I wasn’t that stupid, actually. I checked out after the 3rd quarter when it became crystal clear that the Atlanta Falcons, a supremely talented offensive team, have an Offensive Coordinator who shouldn’t even be employed on the Pop Warner level.

Steve Sarkisian inherited the highest-scoring offensive team in the NFL, the reigning MVP in Matt Ryan, and arguably the most talented wide receiver in the league in Julio Jones, and in one year turned it all into a pile of crap. He has zero imagination, has no idea how to get his mercurial receiver in the end zone, can’t figure out how to use one of the best two-headed running tandems in the league, and has absolutely left Ryan out there grasping at straws. Last year he was in the booth calling his horrid game plan, but this year he is on the sideline, which is a good thing, because now his players can communicate right to his stupid face that his playbook and play-calling are absolute trash. He is WASTING Julio Jones. WASTING HIM!!!! If the Falcons don’t fire this guy yesterday, they deserve the season they are about to get.

That’s it for today. I need a beverage.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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