DJ Eberle Quits MTM at Halftime?

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BUFFALO, NY – So, I guess DJ doesn’t live here anymore? What happened? No explanation, no nothing. How very Vontae Davis of him. And here I was looking forward to all kinds of Hawt Bills takes all year. Things like, “Shady McCoy for NFL Man of the Year” and “The Bills Could Still Win the SB if Richie Incognito Would Come Back.”

But seriously, I’m concerned about the fact that this place is starting to resemble one of those spooky abandoned Amusement Parks that Scooby Doo and the rest of those Mystery Machine sleuthing stoners used to investigate. Those guys ALWAYS had the munchies. In this case, I guess I’m the lone “meddling kid” trying to figure out what’s going on around here. There’s tons going on in sports and in the world in general. We may need to bring in someone young and hungry who wants a platform over a payday. Let’s get this thing going already!

Failing that, I’m not going to keep writing replacement filler copy. If this place is powering down, someone ought to tell us when to turn off the lights. OK, I’m done dwelling on the negative. The Vikings finally signed another kicker, so that’s something.

Come back tomorrow for Ben Whitney, who is a model of consistency in ways that the New York Giants Offensive Line is not.

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Filed in: Angry Ward

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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