Angry Ward: Hall of Fame, Hoops, and Horrendous Super Bowl Hype Week

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BRONX, NY – Is it Wednesday already? Seems like my turn on the MTM Merry-Go-Round keeps coming up faster and more frequently. I’m clearly trending… but in the wrong place and in the wrong direction. Still, duty calls. And, just my luck, I’m all out of blogging bone spur deferments. The good news is, there’s enough stuff going on to write about. Let’s get to it.

Baseball Hall of Fame. The Major League Baseball Hall of Fame yesterday voted in four new members, Mariano Rivera, Edgar Martinez, Roy Halladay, and Mike Mussina. I really have no problem with any of these guys making it, though it’s clear, especially with Halladay, that voters have driven a stake through the idea that starting pitchers have to be near 300 wins to be considered. Probably a wise move, as the game has changed dramatically and relief pitchers are gobbling up more innings than ever. Actually, what stood out to me more was that Mariano Rivera became the first player to receive 100% of the votes. He definitely deserved it, but it hammered home just what a bunch of d!cks baseball writers have been over the years. There have been countless guys who should have received every single vote! Ken Griffey Jr.? Three douchebags failed to vote for him. Tom Seaver? 5 a-holes saw it clear to leave him off. Hank Aaron? 9 obviously- racist f**kheads didn’t vote for him. Even Babe F**king Ruth fell 11 votes shy. Unreal. Anyway, congratulations to the new class.

The Boogie-Woogie Warriors and Dolan’s Walking Dead. Angry Ward Calhoun: MLB Hall of Fame, NBA Hoops, Zombie Knicks, Horrendous Super Bowl Hype Week, Meet_The_MattsBouncing it over to basketball for a sec, just wanted to make two quick and fairly-obvious observations. First one is that, up until very recently, many hoops heads were saying that the NBA West had maybe caught up to the Golden State Warriors and “weren’t afraid of them anymore.” Fair enough. The Dubs had lost their fair share of games, including some ugly ones, and seemed listless. But it can be boring waiting around for the post season to start. Anyway, guess everyone forgot that they signed Boogie Cousins to a one-year deal this offseason, and he finally joined the team this past Friday. If his first couple of games are any indication, the NBA should just call off the remainder of the season and give Golden State their third straight title. As one of my co-workers said, “this is literally like playing against an NBA Dream Team.” From dreams to nightmares, I hadn’t noticed just what a spectacular job the Knicks were doing at tanking. Bravo! Bravissimo! They are staring down the worst record in the league. Seriously, this is the best they have executed in years. Hopefully they keep it crappy right to the end of the season.

Super Suck Week. Does anyone like the week off between the Championship games and the Super Bowl? I think it’s always been awful. That full extra week of hype wears you out way more than it jacks you up. Did you know Jared Goff was only 7 when Tom Brady beat the Rams in 2002 to win his first Super Bowl? Did you also know Rams’ coach Sean McVay was a sophomore in high school when Belichick won his first SB that same day? How did Sony Michel get named after a Japanese TV company and a girl? Whose teeth would Ndamukong Suh most like to kick in? Does Donald Trump’s junk really look like a weird mushroom? All of these questions and way more inane ones will be answered over this brutal next week and a half.

Ndamukong Suh, Meet_The_Matts. Angry Ward Calhoun

Speaking of questions, will DJ Eberle show up to work tomorrow? Will he also double-down on the Patriots if he does? I’d say the answers are something like “slim” and “oh yeah.” See ya next week.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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