NORTH POLE/CHICAGO – Not even a deep-dish pizza (an abomination) chased by a Stroh’s can warm you up when it’s -48 degrees out. But look at the bright side, Chicago is not the 2nd City today, as it’s 1st City in the USA on the Coldest City Chart. But what of the rest of us that are Cold, Broke and/or Lonely (and pining for the again-MIA DJ Eberle)? Well let’s get some Angry Ward Anger (TM) in the mix! Here are the Five Highest Paid Athletes – To Make You Mad, Too!
Floyd Mayweather
Total earnings: $285 million
Purse: $275 million
Endorsements: $10 million
With this kind of loot, Floyd Mayweather any cold snap simply by burning cash. Literally. And he’s been at the top spot three times before this. Who knew?! For the half hour of kicking Conor McGregor’s a$$, he made $275 million. His earnings put him up to $1 billion, glorified air that only Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods the know about.
Total earnings: $111 million
Salary/bonuses: $84 million
Endorsements: $27 million
The Argentinian deserves every penny for being linked with “that other Lionel” all these years. Barcelona (Bar-theh-lona) extended him through 2020-2021… at $80 million and bonuses per. He is the highest paid injury-faker out there. Gatorade, Huawei, Pepsi, Ooredoo (how many bong hits led to that name?) and Hawkers pay him for scoring one goal every three games.Cristiano Ronaldo
Total earnings: $108 million
Salary/bonuses: $61 million
Endorsements: $47 million
Fake Madrid wanted him but Real Madrid outbid them. $50 million per for the next three years is a paltry sum for this underwear model. But his lifetime contract with Nike is worth more than a $1 billion, so there’s that. EA Sports and American Tourister also help him afford his eyebrow waxing. Oh, and he also has his own range of CR7 stuff… shoes, fragrances, jeans and pacifiers for when he whines.Conor McGregor
Purse: $85 million
Endorsements: $14 million
Shanty micks everywhere ((like moi)) are now punching and kicking each other in the face, seeing if they can be the next Fighting’ Irish. He got around $85 million for the aforementioned Mayweather fight. List Burger King (which he throws up immediately), Beats by Dre, Monster Energy and MeetTheMatts.com as his supporters.
