Angry Ward: March Mundaneness, More Mets Misery and Other Night Terrors

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BRONX, NY – It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing.” So goes the Hemingway line from one of my favorite books, The Sun Also Rises. It’s a good line because it’s true. It’s much easier to deal with things in the in the light of day surrounded by people and activities than when you’re alone with your thoughts at night. This applies to almost all aspects of life, including sports. It also might account for why most of my posts are on the negative side, as I tap out a majority of these “gems” at the end of the day.

Anyway, outside of the Mariners being alone atop the baseball standings for almost two weeks, I’m predictably not too jazzed about what’s going on in sports these days. In honor of DJ Eberle, who I do kinda miss having around, here are some not-so-hot takes from the darkside.

Nails Down a Chalkboard. I’m actually thrilled to see the NCCA Men’s Basketball tourney going the way I felt it would, with a sh!t-ton of chalk advancing to the Sweet 16. Let me again to save you the trouble of watching. A one or two seed is winning this thing, with the most likely culprits being mostly unlikable. I’ll narrow it down further to Duke, NC, Kentucky, or Michigan State, because those are teams only a mother could love. A who’s-who of WTF, if you will. Bail now, while you still have some dignity, unlike Tom Izzo.

The Mets are Gonna Stink Again this Year. I’m firmly in the same camp with everyone’s favorite commenter and fill-in scribe, Dude, when it comes to the New York Metropolitans. Sure they made some nice and interesting moves this offseason, and they extended deGrom, but does anyone really believe that they’re going to be better than Philly or Atlanta or even Washington? And let’s not forget that the Metsies are the only team in the bigs that the Marlins get up for. Sprinkle in the usual injuries and it feels like more of the same in 2019. Don’t get me wrong, they will tease their fans early with some decent play and wins, but by the All-Star break they’ll most likely resemble a Flushing chop shop: filthy, depressing, and littered with spare parts. Just think how much fun it will be to watch Robinson Cano “hustle” for a team 10 games back.

The Might (Not) Be Giants/Here Come the Lukewarm Jets. Kudos to those of you who got the music references. Look, even though I like the Giants enough and basically hate the Jets, I’d be the first to agree that New York desperately needs at least one football team in contention in 2019. But unfortunately, and I know it’s no leap to say this, I don’t see it happening. The Giants will need a more-than-decent-draft, followed by a virtually injury-free season to have any shot at contending. Gang Green (an appropriate nickname if ever there was one) might get a three-game boost from the Le’Veon Bell and C.J. Mosley, but that will only get them to 7-9, maybe 8-8 if Darnold doesn’t turn the ball over a ton. *spoiler alert* He WILL. So, you’ve basically got two error-prone teams with no margin for error. That usually doesn’t work in the NFL.

Junoir Blaber’s favorite owner.

Here are a few more quick hitters before signing off.

Tiger Woods doesn’t win any majors this year. And that’s totally fine.

A Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup. This is fine too. It’s time.

Replacement Matt steps in for DJ Eberle, tomorrow. The latter is on a walkabout, looking for some answers. I’m really hoping for this one. Yes, this is what my life has come to.

OK, I’m done. Comment below like Holiday Joe.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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